This Body is Mine

I had a long listcicle written about styling vintage, and I realized a) there are many bloggers out there who have covered the topic in greater detail and with better style than I could hope to articulate and b) my long post was really just a symptom of a larger issue I'm having with my body.  Namely, I'm uncomfortable in my skin a lot these days.  There are lots of understandable reasons for this: five babies in six years, nursing an infant round the clock, the predictable weight and mood swings that accompany those things, increasing food allergies and gastroparesis, etc.  

I'm trying to get comfortable with my shape, with the saggy skin, lines under my eyes, the deflated water balloons that are the legacy of nursing, the thinning and grey hair, all of it.  Honestly, I'm not afraid of growing older, or even of going grey or getting wrinkles, but the overall shape of my body is different since I've had my babies, and it has been hard for me to get used to this post-partum body and appreciate it.  I'm not immune to the idealized, heavily Photoshopped female imagery presented in magazines and online, and I've noticed that even though my fashion imagery these days is mostly vintage, I still struggle a lot with accepting myself.  Buying vintage these last two years and sewing for myself these last few months has given me a new understanding of the particularities of my body, but I'm still having trouble loving the image in the mirror.  I'm hyper-critical of most of the outfit photos I take, and it is always a struggle to post them without negative commentary.  

Today I'm sharing an outfit photo series, and I'll state at the outset that I dislike these photos for a lot of reasons that I'm not going to detail, but in an effort to stop the negative self-talk and start appreciating what I do have, I will list instead the details of my body that are unique to me (in the hopes that it might help someone else appreciate their own particularities).  I also think it is important to be able to laugh at your body's more unusual characteristics, or to realize that what is currently valued in physical appearance was not always the case.

I am short-waisted--sometimes empire-waisted garments hit me pretty close to my natural waist.  I am also short through the my calves although, oddly, not my thighs--my inseam is approximately 27".  Snack size, if you will.  This means that boots intended for "mid-calf" hit me near the knee.

I do carry a LOT of muscle mass, however, and can probably bench press my husband (who weighs 25 pounds less than me).  I like being so strong.

I have narrow shoulders.  I also have peasant hands, but I like how well my hands are able to do manual things, and the unique way that my knuckles look--I get the shape of my hands and feet from my dad's family.  My nose is straight and relatively narrow--I get the shape from my mother and like it very much.

I have a 10" differential between my waist and my hips and my arms are short in relation to my legs.  This means certain exercise moves are actually physically impossible for me without modification (I'm lookin' at you, Shaun T, and your hip-ups!)

I have a lot of cowlicks!  Two in the back (the run in opposite directions) and one in the front.  I also have naturally curly hair that resists straightening, but is a great foundation for vintage styles!  I also have a slightly asymmetrical mouth, which I got from my grandma and I love that little reminder of her.

I have very fair skin.  I heard someone else describe skin like mine as "burns in the moonlight", which is fairly accurate!  I've been known to burn through my clothes.  On the upside, I've got the perfect skin for vintage, as pale skin was highly prized in earlier eras.

My eyes have unusual color, and change with what I'm wearing, so sometimes they look blue, or green, or gray, or something in-between.

Here's the thing, and I think this is important to note.  Appreciating the unique qualities of my body doesn't mean that I want to be satisfied with the things I have the power to change.  I cannot change the basic anatomy of my body--I will always have short legs and arms, cowlicks, an asymmetrical mouth and so on.  I can, however, change the composition of my body; I do need to lose the rest of the baby weight in order to be healthy, and I intend to do so, but I've found that hating my body usually gets in the way of lasting weight loss efforts.  I have to love my body enough to want to change it for the better, not hate it so much I run away from the chore.  I'm getting there. 

(Updated: there's nothing like jumping on a bandwagon you didn't know was passing by--Gemma at Retro Chick has an excellent article today about body shape versus clothing size.  Go read it!)

Outfit details:

Purple wool sweater: H&M via ThredUp

Green skirt: me made

Boots: Modcloth

1950s deadstock "Mother" pin: Etsy, Mrs. Finder

Earrings: Etsy, Mrs. Meow (no longer in business)