The Siege

Much as with a battle, any time illness strikes a family, the family goes into bunker mode, and prepares for the bombs.  The house is closed to visitors, supplies are laid in for the afflicted, and the parents learn or relearn their roles in the battle against the intruder.  The days of siege are a heightened time, when everything seems to slow down or stop all together.

We've been under fire since Friday evening, when Boo woke up covered in vomit.  He threw up almost continually from 8 p.m. until about 1 a.m. when he fell asleep until morning.  We settled in and prepared for the bombs.  It was unlikely that anyone was going to escape unscathed, as our pediatrician informed us that the current stomach virus making the rounds lasts three days, and once the vomiting is done, the lower GI symptoms take over.  Super.  She was concerned about my five-month old daughter, who, in addition to being only five months old, has a chronic condition and is a bit sickly as a result.  She could dehydrate extremely quickly, and we needed to try and quarantine the sick.

My husband and I relearned our battle positions.  My role was to clean up and comfort the afflicted, and his role was to arm himself with a roll of paper towels and a spray bottle of diluted bleach to clean up whatever didn't make it into a receptacle.  My husband ran out to the 24 hour CVS and stocked up on pedialyte, peaches in heavy syrup (our pediatrician told us to give the syrup after vomiting as a way to boost blood sugar), chicken stock, and saltines.  In the morning, I made sure the washing machine stayed occupied, and he made sure that Boo stayed quarantined from the rest of the family in the morning.  By Saturday night, Birdie was vomiting, and by Sunday, my husband was down for the count.  This morning (Monday), Piglet threw up three times before breakfast, and so stayed home from school.  I'm still standing (at least for the moment), but expect to go down sometime in the next 24 hours.

My cooking plans for the week have flown out the window, and I'm trying to decide to whether to reschedule a planned trip to New York on Wednesday to see my allergist and EE specialist.  It was hard to coordinate with both doctors for the same day, plus arrange child care, so I'm hesitant to make the call right now while I still feel fine (exhausted, but fine).

The thing about sieges in battle is that eventually they end.  At some point battle fatigue sets in and there is a lull in the action.  Battalions retreat to a different location to regroup and renew.  The war isn't won, but there is a break in the intensity of the action.  But what happens when you can't retreat much behind the front line?

Since Birdie's birth in late August, I have the sense that we live just beyond the front line at all times, and as such, have developed a kind of long term bunker mentality.  My elder son needs more help than a normal child his age right now, and my daughter has ongoing health problems that look unlikely to resolve until she is over a year old.  Combine that with the veritable petri dish that is preschool, and you have a recipe for disaster.  It is very wearing, all this illness.  I don't have much space in my head to think.  I'm extremely introverted (in the technical, rather than popular sense of that word), and the constant caring for sick people (and being sick myself on and off) is difficult for me.  I never have a chance to regroup and recharge.  I keep thinking that it has to get better, it can't just keep going like this, but we are five months in, and there seems to be no sign of a let-up.  It is all very discouraging for me.  I eat too much sugar and consume way too much caffeine in order to stay on my feet far longer than any sane person should be expected to, because every night is an adventure in extreme sleep deprivation and many afternoons are a scream-fest.  I expect to be interrupted at night by my daughter, but my middle son has been the source of most of our night wakings, and frankly, it is getting old.   I spend much of my babysitting hours ferrying children to various therapy and doctor's appointments, and have given up entirely on taking the bus to get my elder son from preschool every day (we take a cab instead).  I keep telling myself that I'll get back on the bus when we all get better, but it just never seems to happen.  (Especially now that I have a stress fracture in my right foot, probably from all the double baby carrying).  I'm cooking brainless meals most of the time, and resorting to things that can be put on the table in 15 minutes if possible.  Until this most recent battle, I was enjoying playing around with my daily look, but since Friday have lived in yoga pants and whatever shirts can be washed easily if vomited on.  Since I'm nursing around the clock again (after nearly weaning a week or two ago), I need easy access, and some of my retro-ish outfits aren't super nursing friendly.  I'm pretty sure even Lauren Bacall wore sweats during a household outbreak of stomach flu.

I really wanted this post to have a point, or to have some deeper meaning about being in bunker mode, but as I'm still in the midst of it, it is hard for me to have some perspective.  Perhaps once the siege is over and the battle is won (if not the war).  I write this if only to assure you that I don't in fact live up to my own standards, and that extraordinary times call for extraordinary measures.  Battle Stations!!

7 Quick Takes: Health Edition

--1--

I know I keep going on about the sickness at our house (it has gotten past the point of ridiculous, really), so I thought I might just devote a whole post to it, particularly as we've had some illuminating moments lately in that department.

--2--

Piglet and Birdie saw an ENT last week while my mom was here (her being here was why I didn't post last week).  Turns out that the reason Piglet has had a croupy chronic cough Every.Day for the last three plus years is that his adenoids are blocking his airway 70%.  Oh, and he needs ear tubes, and can't hear very well as a result of poor drainage.  To add insult to injury, he developed a nasty sinus infection this week and is, as our pediatrician put it, pus to the eyeballs.  He started an antibiotic yesterday, and hopefully will be well enough to have his adenoids out and ear tubes put in on February 7.  I'm hoping that the surgery will fix a whole host of related problems, now that we actually know what is going on with him.  Oh, and pulmonology at CHOP completely missed the boat on this one three years ago, blowing us off with a bogus diagnosis of reflux. Never mind that he didn't fit the profile of a reflux-baby or toddler, had none of the other symptoms, didn't respond to reflux meds, or any other asthma/allergy meds we tried. Not that I'm bitter or anything.

--3--

Birdie has larynomalacia, which is floppy larynx syndrome. She just has to outgrow it, which means she is going to sound like Darth Vader for some time yet. It also has lovely side effect of pretty severe reflux, which we suspected, but since she didn't respond to the first two meds we tried, we thought we must have been mistaken.  Guess not.  She is back on two different reflux meds, and her night sleep has improved, although she is still prone to random fits of inconsolable crying during the day.  

--4--

I have a stress fracture in my right foot, probably from all the double baby wearing and carrying around Boo, who is getting close to 30 pounds.  So my half-hearted plan to maybe start working out again in February in on indefinite hold until it heals.  Since it has been a month or so already, I'm not extremely hopeful.  On the upside, I did get a pair of roller skates for my namesday, so at least I'll have something fun to do when my foot is better!

--5--

Boo continues to torture us nightly with random wakings for no reason.  He was such a good sleeper until he turned a year, and now sleeps more like a newborn.  It is extremely annoying, especially since his naps are also hit and miss.  Other than garden-variety colds, however, he is fine.

Update: hours after I wrote this post, Boo got a stomach virus and spent much of the night throwing up.
According to our pediatrician, it lasts three days, has diarrhea to boot, and will probably go around to the whole family.  Oh yay.

--6--

My husband and I have been trading a sore-throat-sinus-infection-cold thing for the last several months.  He has it, I have it, he has it, one of the kids gets it, you get the idea.  We're both exhausted and beginning to wonder if this is all some kind of twisted penance for transgressions.

--7--

Okay, so not health related, but I wanted to share something pretty anyway.  I made this two weeks ago just to make something easy.  I like how it turned out.  It is CASEd from another stamper, but I made paper buttons instead of using real ones so it would mail more cheaply.

7 Quick Takes

--1--

We've been enjoying the 12 days of Christmas with lots of desserts and meat and dairy.  Piglet especially has loved the chocolate milk and has frequently requested an extra glass as his dessert instead of my mom's special fudge.  Weird child.  More for us!

--2--

And while we on the topic of dessert, as a special treat one day this week, I put a mini Reese's peanut butter cup into Piglet's lunch box (he normally has an apple and carrots with whatever is the main thing that day).  He came home that day and informed me very seriously that he didn't want any more muffins in his lunch.  I was a little confused until he pointed to the other three Reese's sitting on the table (and I looked in his lunch box to see the Reese's still in there).  "No more muffins in my lunch box, Mama." Alrighty, then.

--3--

We continue to battle illness in this household.  All three kids are sick with colds/respiratory illness.  Birdie is still down for the count with  the bronchiolitis whatever this weird thing is and sounds pretty bad at night.  She has been spending 2 hours or more every night coughing and crying and coughing and crying until she can fall back asleep.  One night this week all three kids were up from 1:30 a.m. to 4:00 a.m.  Shoot me now.

--4--

And just to keep things interesting, my husband and I both traded stomach viruses this week, on top of all the respiratory junk we are sharing around.  Fun times.

--5--

I'm writing today at my other blog about rethinking my closet, in keeping with one of my goals for this year, which is to get my closet under control.  My conclusions may be somewhat unusual, but I think they will suit me to a T.

--6--

I didn't quite make my goal of three cards this week because of the whole stomach flu thing, but I did get two made, one of which was this little beauty.  It didn't photograph very well, but I just love those little birds!  I can't take credit at all for the general idea, as Linda Fisher came up with the original, but I did change up the color scheme--I've been wanting to do a card in these colors for a few weeks now and I love how it turned out!

--7--

And because I just have to share, I read this great article this week about how time and motherhood intersect.  For those who don't know, I wrote my master's thesis on time and space in the Orthodox Church, and how that plays out in the physical space of the church.  So the author's thoughts on Kairos and Chronos really resonated with me, in addition to being timely to my stage of mothering.  My favorite line? "Parenting is hard. Just like lots of important jobs are hard. Why is it that the second a mother admits that it’s hard, people feel the need to suggest that maybe she’s not doing it right? Or that she certainly shouldn’t add more to her load. Maybe the fact that it’s so hard means she IS doing it right…in her own way…and she happens to be honest."

Go see Jen for more Quick Takes!

Wardrobe: Revisited.

Elegant Russians on the left, casual Americans on the right.
1998

One of the things that struck me immediately upon my arrival in Russia in 1998 was how nicely the women were dressed — from the high school girls on up to the babushkas, women left the house dressed up.  Or at least, more dressed up than anyone I knew back home.  When it got cold at the end of September, out came the elegant long wool swing coats, the felt berets, the Pavlovo Posad scarves. And heels, always heels—stiletto or stacked pump, it mattered not.  During snowy weather, out came fur-lined sturdy ankle boots.  

Photo credit: Tuppence Ha'Penny blog

I didn’t put it together until recently that the street style of many Russian women (at least at that time) was very reminiscent of the 1940s.  I loved it.  My jeans always seemed a poor relation next to these elegantly dressed women.  I know most of them didn’t own many clothes, but the ones they did own were high quality and had a classic style to them.  Many women, even high school girls, wore skirt suits on a daily basis.  As I’ve thought recently about developing my personal style sense, I keep returning to those mental images.  I like being dressed up, and I think there is a certain amount of civility in public life that accompanies more formal dress that is lacking when everyone is wearing sweats and a t-shirt. 

The Eleanor Dashwood dress, 1997

I've always marched to the beat of my own drummer when it comes to personal style.  When I was in kindergarten, and all the other little girls were coming to school in trousers, I wanted to wear only dresses (and was quite emphatic about it, according to my mother).  I wore knee-high boots and fitted turtleneck sweaters from the 1970s long before it was even remotely fashionable, not because I'm so fashion-forward, but because I'm a bit anachronistic.  When I got a little older, I became enamoured of costumes from different eras, and even went through a brief Eleanor Dashwood phase in high school, where all I really wanted was to look like Emma Thompson in Sense and Sensibility (and even had a dress to make it work!)  We won't talk about my Braveheart phase.  Let's just say there were war braids involved and leave it at that, k?  And I'm sure there are a few college chums who remember my happy pants (jeans that I cut into flares and added crazy printed fabric in the V of the cut. When jeans were still fashionably tapered and stretch pants were in).

It should come as no surprise that I grew up to be a historian.  One of the things I've always loved about history was the living into of it.  I love to imagine myself in earlier eras and to learn about how people lived.  I've always felt a bit out of step in the post modern era, and it has always seemed to me that I would have fit better in an earlier age.  (When I'm tempted to wax nostalgic about living in, say, the Elizabethan era, I remember that I would have died a thousand times over without the modern miracle that is synthetic epinephrine and am kept basically functional through daily antihistamine use). But I digress.

I wrote a few weeks ago about the battle I have with my closet. What I really want in a wardrobe is the minimum number of items I need to be both fashionable and functional and that look well on my figure (which at the moment is a rather curvy 14-16, depending on the garment maker).  I’ve realized over the years that I struggle mightily with casual clothing—I just don’t do it well.  I end up feeling like I didn’t bother to get dressed, or that it is too fussy or something.  I’m most at home in clothing that is slightly dressed up, and as our society doesn’t dress up for much of anything anymore, it is hard to pull it off and feel good about it.  Especially when today’s dresses typically end several inches above the knee.  Not only is that a singularly unflattering length on almost everyone, it is hard to run around after little ones in a dress or skirt that length.  I get why moms complain that they can’t wear skirts with little children. 

Russian chums from university.  I think they were rehearsing a skit.
But how many 19 year old boys do you know who dress that nice every day?
And how about that classy outfit on Olga? 1998

One of my goals for this year was to really get a sense of my own style and run with it.  My closet is a mishmash of pieces bought here and there that I liked (but mostly didn’t love).  There is no stylistic cohesion—I have a few pieces that I would define as “sporty,” and the rest of it is just basic long sleeve shirts and a-line midi skirts and a few pairs of jeans.  Trouble is, I’m not really a “sporty” kind of girl.  I like dresses and heels, necklaces and earrings.  My hair is long (and my husband likes it that way), curly and generally unmanageable for current trends.  I usually end up tying it up in some unimaginative way just to get it out of my face and grabby little hands.  Shorter styles look terrible on me because my hair is so curly. 

My other goal, once I defined my style, was to refine my wardrobe into a capsule that was both functional and made me feel good about what I was wearing every day.  I wanted to be able to pull something out my closet in the morning without thinking about it too much—I’m finding that my current hodgepodge of clothing and styles require a lot of thought in the morning.  There are many lovely modern styles that I like very much, but almost everything designed post-Mary Quant is meant to be worn on a coat hanger-type frame, and that is definitely not me.  It takes a fair amount of shapewear, clever accessories and layers to make those styles modest, nursing friendly, and figure-flattering.  I’ve tried fitting into current fashion—I want to feel “cool” as much as anyone else—but I just can’t pull it off for the most part.  I’ve allowed other people’s fashion choices to dictate my own, rather than deciding if something fit my style or not.  So I’ve decided to stop trying to fit in and start dressing to fit myself.

My Russian sister, Katya.  1998

I’ve always been drawn to the WWII era fashion-wise.  I think there was an easy elegance to women’s fashion in that time period.  Fashion was frugal, and women had more limited wardrobes.  Sometimes, an excess of choice is not a good thing, especially where cheap fashion is concerned.  I also think it is easy to look at fashion of an earlier era and think it is too fussy or hard to wear every day, or whathaveyou, but in fact, many of today’s fashions have roots in the late 30s and early 40s.  The modern shirtwaist dress, the a-line midi-length skirt, the basic button down blouse, the circle skirt, and the elegant peplum all have roots in that time period.  And it is all what you are used to.  I wear tights almost every day during the winter, and I’m sure to some women, tights are an unbearable encumbrance.  I sort of feel that way about most pants—modern styles hit me at my widest point and as such are not only hugely unflattering, but also constantly falling down, so I walk around all day hitching up my jeans so as to prevent an unseemly display.  (Yoga pants are pretty comfortable, it must be said, but they’re, um, yoga pants.)

So I’ve decided to go retro.  I’m going to embrace the hourglass, release my mental image of a coat hanger as a feminine ideal, and try something new.  I’m taking the rest of this year to transition my wardrobe into something evocative of the late 1930s and early 1940s.  I admit, it will take some mental reconditioning to see myself in a circle skirt and not cringe at my hips, but I’m determined to let go of some of my image issues.  A few caveats.  I know I will not always be consistent—I have a couple of outfits that I just love and feel great in that are more 1970s than 1940s, and I intend to continue wearing them.  I’m also still on the fence about my skinny jeans—I like them, I have two pairs that fit as well as any pair of pants ever fits me, and I’m wondering if I can retrofy them.  So I’ll keep them around for a while.  My plan is to take everything out of my closet that doesn’t fit the era, put it in storage for six to nine months and see if I miss any of it.  My guess is probably not.  Mostly I’m excited to try something out and see how it goes!

My Barefoot in the Park dress, 1996

And since you’re probably dying to know what I’m aiming for as a capsule wardrobe, I’ll tell you!  I came across a few great blogs that gave a lot of great tips for styling the 1940s, including this blog, which listed actual wardrobelists from the late 1940s, as well as the typical day for a 40s housewife (I find it hilarious that she only has to nurse her baby 4 times, at 6 a.m., 10:30 a.m., 2:30 p.m. and 10:30 p.m.  Oh how lovely that would be!) I came across a fantastic blog by a British blogger, Charlotte, who wears full vintage every day.  Seriously, I want this woman's clothes.  Fabulous.  She has lots of great tips for getting started in vintage (either the real thing, reproductions, or just a general vibe of an era), how to pick what looks good on you, and what sorts of things to look for.  She is mostly a 1930s/1940s girl, and I had a ton of fun reading about her adventures in vintage fashion whilst administering late-night nebulizer treatments to two of my children. She is my new style icon. The style links on her sidebar were equally useful and now my Google Reader overfloweth with great ideas, circa 1942.

Moscow, March, 2003

Hats/Coats

3 felt hats

1 straw hat

1 winter hat

Longer black and brown leather gloves

Light jacket

Trench coat

Wool coat

Heavy winter coat

Dresses

3 winter day dresses

3 fall day dresses

3 summer day dresses

1 cocktail dress

Skirts

Pencil skirt

Circle skirt

Pleated plaid

Tea length a-line wool or garbardine skirt

Blouses

Long sleeve button down with turned up collar

Cap sleeve button down

Sweaters

2 long sleeve button down fitted cardigans

4 ¾ sleeve button down fitted cardigans

2 short sleeve button down fitted cardigans (summer weight)

2 pullovers

1 turtleneck

Trousers 

1 high waist wool trouser (ala Kate Hepburn)

1 high waist olive khaki peddle pusher

Shoes

Heeled black Oxfords

Chunky heeled Mary Janes

Black pumps

Brown pumps

Flat brown oxfords

Galoshes

Accessories

1-2 brooches

Pearl necklace (I have a nice faux strand from my grandma with earrings to match)

In the Tien Shan mountains, Krgyzstan.
For the record, my skirt was kirtled to keep it dry.

I fretted for about two seconds about whether my list was going to be practical with small children, but then I remembered two things.  1) Women have been raising children in dresses for most of history without problems, and 2) I climbed a mountain in Krygzystan up to 10,000 feet in a long skirt. (Where we were going up 100 feet in elevation at points).  I also hiked all over Scotland on my honeymoon is a VERY long skirt. It was fine. So I can do this in a dress.  I've been doing it in a dress for some time, but hadn't really committed to a total look.  

Honeymoon in Scotland.
And yes, I hiked more than 20 miles in that skirt.
Super comfortable.

 So, I'm going to give it a good go.  I've got a few wish-list items picked out from various etsy sellers, and now that I have a general sense of what gaps are in my wardrobe, I can be choosy and specific about what I purchase this year.  And hopefully by the end of it, I'll have a manageable wardrobe, rather than just a closet of clothes. 

About What Was Lost

It has been five years since our firstborn, Philip, died.  There are few days that pass that I don’t think of him in some way, even fleetingly.  My heart still aches with his absence, and I’m still angry on some visceral level that I was robbed of the chance to be his mama.  There are so many things I could write about Philip, but that isn’t really what I wanted to say about it today. 

I painted this icon of St. Philip in memory of our Philip

What I want to write about is how Philip’s death has made me much more fragile than I ever thought possible.  I lost my innocence with his death, and once lost, can never have it back again.  It is a soul-deep wound.  It’s not the sort of wound like a thorn, where if you pull it straight out, it heals clean and easy.  It is the sort of wound that changes you on an existential level.  I think of my life in terms of before Philip and after Philip.  I feel I can hardly relate to the person I was before him.  And perhaps I learned a few things I needed to learn about compassion and empathy, but mostly I just learned about pain.  A pain so deep and so wide I thought I’d never see the other side of it.  I became a fathomless glassy black lake of grief.

The icon corner in our bedroom.

As with many things I find hard to explain myself, I turn to books to explain them for me.  The following exerpt is from Outlander by Diana Gabaldon (one of my favorite series).  While the context is different, I felt the sentiment to be very much the same.  Jamie is explaining to his wife, Claire, how he feels after an extremely traumatic event.

“I think it’s as though everyone has a small place inside themselves, maybe, a private bit that they keep to themselves.  It’s like a little fortress, where the most private part of you lives—maybe it’s your soul, maybe just that bit that makes you yourself and not anyone else.”  His tongue probed his swollen lip unconsciously as he thought.

            “You don’t show that bit of yourself to anyone, usually, unless sometimes to someone ye love greatly.” The hand relaxed, curling around my knee.  Jamie’s eyes were closed again, lids sealed against the light.

            “Now, it’s like…like my own fortress has been blown up with gunpowder—there’s nothing left of it but ashes and a smoking rooftree, and the little naked thing that lived there once is out in the open, squeaking and whimpering in fear, tryin’ to hide itself under a blade of grass or a bit o’ leaf, but…but not…makin’ m-much of a job of it.”  His voice broke, and he turned his head so that his face was hidden in my skirt.”  (Diana Gabaldon, Outlander, NY: Delacorte Press, 561).

My own fortress was blown away with Philip’s death, and it was a long time before I no longer felt defined by my grief.  I still miss him, still think of him, and wonder what would have been.  I still bitterly regret not taking better pictures of him after he was born.  I’m still angry at the hospital personnel for their careless indifference during the whole traumatic process of his birth.  I have few memories of Philip that aren’t filled with the pain of his loss.  I hope someday to remember more often those few and fleeting moments when I felt with him.  The day I felt him move against me, that rapid fluttering that told me, Hello Mama, I’m here!

  

I wish I could say that this post was about how I’ve found peace and healing from what was lost.  That isn’t my story, at least not yet.  I hope someday to find those things.  I think the best I can say, five years on, is that while my fortress may be gone forever, at least I’ve rebuilt the shelter, with a roof to keep out the rain.

7 Quick Takes, Birthday Edition

Today is Piglet's 4th birthday (where did the time go??), and I'm dedicating this post to him.  I'm writing about Birthday Traditions over at my other blog today, so if you have a minute, hop on over and take a peek.  

--1--

Piglet is named for his paternal grandfather, in my husband's Greek tradition of naming the firstborn after the father's father, but his nickname is after my dear (Dutch) grandpa.

--2--

Piglet has one of the biggest heads evah.  He crowned on the first push, but I pushed for an hour and a half before he finally made his appearance.  I refer once again to the "Head" in So I Married An Axe Murderer.

Big head, big brain, I guess.  He is smart and funny and incredibly perceptive.

--3--

I know all kids say funny things, and most parents think their kid is the funniest thing since a whoopie cushion, but really, my kid is funny.

Recent Pigletisms include:

"I want my teachers and my friends to come to my home because I haven't seen them in a couple whiles."

P: "Mama, do we have any lollipops at home?"

Me: "Why do you think you need a lollipop?"

P: "Because I've been a good boy."

"Mama, will you buy me a red shirt with a number four on it?" (this said at random whilst riding in a cab home from school)

"I don't like this--it makes me spicy."

"Mama, I'm having a hard time.  Can you hold me?"

"Can I drink decaf coffee when I'm a man?"

--4--

Piglet continues to be obsessed with all things liturgical, and has gotten creative in coming up with pretend liturgical items.  For a while, a stuffed sheep with a piece of fabric toast stuck to its foot that hung on the end of a string of plastic rings was a censor; a therapy band has become a deacon's orarion, and he has decided that he has to have the Greek-English prayer book in order to pray for anyone.  He walks around singing various chants and portions of the liturgy often.

--5-- 

I love the innocence of his faith.  Whenever he hurts himself, he asks for St. John's oil, and he talks to and about the saints like he does his friends.  His prayers are simple and sweet, and remind me of what should be.  

--6--

My son notices everything.  Whether it be my earrings, or a pen on the table that wasn't there when he left in the morning, he sees it all, and has to tell me about it.  While this trait is sometimes annoying, it also reminds me to be careful about what I do and say, because little eyes are watching and little ears are listening.  

I hear myself echoed in the way he sometimes talks to Boo and cringe and remind myself to speak more softly.  But I also love the way that he imitates my pet name for Birdie, and how he can be sweet with Boo at times.

--7--

He is silly beyond belief, especially when he crosses that fine line from tired into manic.  It cracks me up when he starts laughing, that high-pitched machine gun rattle that comes from his whole being.  He loves being tickled, tackled, danced around, and generally rough-housed with.  His answer to being tickled within an inch of his life?  "Again!"

So to my lovely, funny, intense, sweet and sour boy, Happy Birthday!  Our lives haven't been same since!

Go see Jen for more Quick Takes! 

Birthday Traditions

Me and my mom on my first birthday. 

Today is Piglet's fourth birthday, and also the Eve of Nativity for us.  Until this year, Piglet never really got what his birthday was all about, so we just subsumed birthday gifts in with our 12 days of Christmas gifts and didn't worry about a celebration on the day.  We have an annual party sometime during the 12 days anyway, so as to celebrate Piglet's birthday, plus several namesdays that happen to fall during that time, but this is the first year that Piglet really gets what birthdays are all about.  He has been talking about his birthday for weeks, and is very excited to be four.  He has occasionally asked me for something random "for his birthday" over the last few weeks, but he is still innocent of so much toy marketing (another reason to love not having a television) and I think has low expectations for presents.  I know this is probably the last year that will be true, and I intend to savor it.

You can't see it very well, but my mom made me a house cake.  
Yep, a house.  Take that, petting zoo.

I've been thinking on and off all week about how to make his birthday special, given that it is Christmas Eve (and thus a busy church day), and also still the Fast (so dinner has to be vegan).  Growing up, my mother always made sure that we felt special on our birthdays.  She had a blue plate that said "It's Your Special Day" and the birthday person got to use it all day long (we always called it the special plate).  My mom gave each of us girls one when we got to be adults, so I have one to use now too.  My mom made a special breakfast (or sometimes my dad would go buy donuts), and we got to pick our birthday meal.  There was sparkling grape juice for the wine goblets, and the good china, silverware, and nice tablecloth put out.  We could pick our birthday dessert (not everyone is a cake fan in our house--my dad is very partial to pie, for instance); I usually picked chocolate zucchini cake, having a July birthday.  We rarely had big birthday parties growing up, and I'm now grateful for that tradition, having seen the arms race of birthday celebrations amongst parents my age.  (If you are getting a petting zoo for their first birthday, what on earth are you going to do when they are 10, or 16?  Just because you can doesn't mean you should.  Just sayin')

Chocolate zucchini cake.
Nom-nom-nom.

So as I wrapped presents yesterday (both for Christmas and birthday), I pondered a bit.  I had already decided that Piglet was too young to make a decision about dinner--he doesn't remember enough of what we eat, and I pretty much know what fasting dinners are particular favorites of his.  So I'm making sloppy soys (Sloppy Joes, but with soy crumbles), using my mother's tried and true recipe (see below), and I'm going to see if there are some vegan cookies at Whole Foods later today.  I'd make a whole vegan dessert, but with it being Christmas Eve, and tomorrow there will be lots of non-fasting desserts, it seems a waste.  Piglet doesn't like fizzy drinks, so I'm considering what type of drink would be a treat for him.  We don't keep juice in the house, but perhaps I can find some small amount that will make for a dinner treat.

The hat cake. 

My husband has been surprisingly Scroogey about this whole process.  He always complains that his birthdays have never been fun for him, and so I was surprised when I started discussing my plans with him and he was definitely not on board.  He wanted to give Piglet a small glass of grapefruit juice squeezed from the fruit and nothing else (Piglet does like this, but it seems decidedly un-festal to me).  I asked him what his own family birthday traditions were and wasn't too surprised to hear they didn't have any.  His family isn't strong on those sorts of things.

 As I mentioned in my Christmas Traditions post, I think having these sorts of traditions is important.  It creates family ritual and memories for years to come.  I still remember the year my youngest sister requested noodles for her birthday dinner.  Nothing on them, just plain noodles.  Or the year I started decorating cakes for my parents' birthdays.  I did a flowery one for my mom in January, and then made a fishing cake for my dad in September, complete with a fisherman doll that I made myself.  

The famous fishing cake, which if I do say so myself, was totally neat.
I used blue gel to make water look real.

  So in the spirit of creating a rich tapestry of family traditions, I'm weaving a new thread this year with birthdays.  H is old enough to be trusted with the blue "special" plate and to appreciate a nice tablecloth on the table.  He understand the concept of special treats, and is interested in presents.  So I hope this day is nice for him.  I hope that when our kids are grown, they too will look back on our family birthday parties with nostalgia and happiness, grateful for the times we shared.

Sloppy Joes (courtesy of my mom)
*To make vegan, simply substitute one package soy crumbles.  We prefer Morningstar Farms to Boca.*

1# ground beef
1 large onion, diced (or 1 c. frozen)
1 green bell pepper, diced (or whatever color you have around)
1 can Campbell's condensed tomato soup (I've also made this with tetrapaks of tomato soup, just make sure you are using about 10 oz.)
1 T. white vinegar
2 T. brown sugar
few dashes cayenne pepper
few dashes celery salt
1-2 T. ketchup
1-2 T. mustard (Dijon is particularly nice and zippy)
few shakes Worchestershire sauce (optional)

Brown beef, onions and pepper in large skillet.  Add remainder ingredients and simmer until nice and bubbly.  This is one of those recipes that you might want to taste as you go along and adjust ingredients accordingly.  I generally dislike those types of recipes, since I never am able to replicate the dash-of-this, and pinch-of-that of the cook, but the above will yield a good result even if you don't tinker with it. You can add chili powder (up to 1T.) and BBQ sauce (up to 1/4 c) if you like.  I serve these on buns with pickles.

Meal Planning Revisited: Brainless Edition

Earlier this fall, I wrote about meal planning and our meal rotation schedule.  I wrote that I was cooking a week’s worth of meals at a time and that was making things so much easier.  That whole system worked well for about two months, or until the middle of October when a couple of life-things collided.  Number one is that we’ve had a ton of sickness in the house this fall.  Basically from Birdie’s birth to now (four months) we’ve had no sick-free days.

In mid-October, I got sick and it took me almost two weeks to recover, at which time Birdie developed bronchiolitis and has been sick ever since (including a brief hospitalization). The boys have been sick on and off all fall. As if that wasn't enough to make life crazy, my husband entered the intense part of his latest Supreme Court argument in early November, and has been working like a crazy man ever since.  He argues on January 18, so we have little respite until then.  And we still have the sickness to contend with.

So, with all that, I’ve been unable to cook a week’s worth of meals at a time.  I simply don’t have enough help on the weekends to be able to cook for several hours.  Until the Nativity Fast started on November 28, I was keeping to our meal rotation schedule fairly well, but sticking to very easy-to-prepare meals within the rotation, and making everything in the 30-60 minutes before dinner time (all the while listening to two or three screaming children.  It is never just one screaming child, always two, often all three).  Having regular egg, pasta and casserole nights helped this process greatly.  Then the Fast started and my meal rotation schedule didn’t quite work since my vegan meal repertoire is much smaller because of my various allergies and intolerances.  I’ve been managing to plan our meals every week and mostly executing them according to schedule, but my primary goal has been fast and easy.  So Tuesdays have been spaghetti night and Thursdays have been stir fry night (which I can’t eat, but that is another story). 

I thought perhaps it might be time to think about a more intentional “brainless meal” rotation schedule.  Obviously now that we are coming to the end of the fast, and readying for 12 days of feasting, things will be easier, but Great Lent is around the corner, and I know we’ll be right back here before too long. 

So, without further ado, here are my brainless meal tips, recipes, and suggestions.

1. Get a monthly planner that you can see a month at a glance.  I like the 8x10 size that opens to each month with about 2” squares for each day. 

2. Plan one week at a time.  I find it easier to deal with a week at a time when I’m stressed.  The task of choosing new recipes and going through the rotation a month at a time is not fun when I’m feeling overwhelmed.

3. Choose meals that can be prepped and cooked, start to finish, in under an hour.  Under 30 minutes is an especial bonus.  Make a list of 5-7 meals that you can make in under 30 minutes without consulting a recipe, or with minimal recipe consultation.  Keep the ingredients on hand for those 5-7 meals if you can.  My 5-7 meals during this fast have been: Super Bean Burritos, Cuban Black Bean Soup, Mujuddarah, Persian Rice Pilaf, Lentil Soup, Spaghetti, and Teriyaki Tofu Stirfry (recipes below)

4. Do whatever you can to save time/steps in preparation.  I use frozen chopped onions, frozen pre-sliced carrots, frozen chopped spinach, convenience cut broccoli florets (fresh, not frozen), pre-minced garlic, Better Than Boullion condensed stock (beef, no-chicken, and vegetable, depending on the recipe), shredded cheese (for non-fasting recipes), canned beans, tomatoes, jarred spaghetti sauce, frozen meatballs (soy and real meat), and frozen brown rice.  The frozen rice has saved my bacon more than a few nights in the last few months.

5. Keep ingredients on hand for truly last-minute emergency-type meals that can be made in 10-15 minutes.  I always have several boxes of macaroni and cheese (plus butter and milk), pasta and marinara sauce, frozen meatballs, eggs, veggie burgers, condensed tomato soup, sliced cheddar cheese and bread (for grilled cheese and tomato soup), and condensed pea soup on hand.  Now, it must be said that the first and last things are items my husband won’t touch with a ten-foot pole, but they are good to just get the kids (and often myself) fed.  Frittatas are incredibly fast, require few ingredients and little prep and are very filling.  My favorite one is this one HERE (although I use a Mexican blend of cheese rather than Muenster since it is hard to find that pre-shredded).  I sometimes keep hot dogs around for those nights when I know my husband will be away and it will be a three-kids-crying, hair-on-fire type evening.  All those items can be made and on the table in under 15 minutes.

6. When you have some extra time, either in the kitchen or otherwise, chop up some green peppers and freeze them in Ziplocs.  If you really have a bunch of time, fry up a pound of ground beef, one chopped onion and one green pepper and freeze it as a casserole base (I have a ton of recipes that start out with this combination).  When I was able to eat turkey, I used to buy a bunch of turkey tenderloins, cook them in the oven, cube them and freeze them in recipe-size portions, so when I had a crazy afternoon, I could pull one out and have it ready to go in under an hour.  I have used them for Caesar salads, turkey noodle soup, turkey alfredo, etc.  You could do the same with chicken breasts, or you could buy a rotisserie chicken, cut it off the bone and freeze it in recipe-size portions.  Or just buy one and use it right away.  Obviously, these sorts of steps imply that you have some time when your hair isn’t on fire (mine is most of the time right now, so I haven’t been able to do much of this lately), so if you don’t have time for this, don’t sweat it.

7. I have several recipes that are basically throw together-type recipes with no chopping, minimal measuring and lots of can-opening involved, but the result is still healthy and nutritious.  Our meal tonight, for example, took 30 minutes to put together and was a healthy comforting black bean soup.  (Well, I served it with Fritos Scoops, but you can’t have everything…)

8. Don’t stress about side dishes.  Keep baby carrots on hand for easy boiling (or if you like them raw, serve them with hummus or ranch dressing; I personally don’t like them any way but cooked).  Buy broccoli pre-cut and just throw in the steamer.  Saute a bag of spinach in olive oil and salt.  Keep a bag of tator tots in the freezer and throw in the oven for a special treat.  Or keep frozen cubed potatoes and lipton onion soup mix and combine and roast for 45 minutes if you have the time.  I generally try to have one vegetable side and if I get two, that’s a bonus.  Lately we’ve been eating a lot of steamed broccoli florets, boiled “baby” carrots, and sautéed spinach. 

9. Explore your grocer’s freezer section for ready-meals that don’t cost a fortune and fit your family’s eating ethos/allergy needs.  If you happen to have a Trader Joe’s nearby, they are brilliant at this.  I often keep a few packages of their meat-free enchiladas as well as the cheese ones (since I can’t eat tofu).  They take about 45-50 minutes to heat up in the oven, but have zero prep, so I just have to remember to pop them in the oven ahead of time.  TJ’s also has some easy stir-fry ready meals that you just open and heat—the basic shrimp stir fry is fast and easy and good.  I realize some of these things may not be cost-effective for people on a tight budget, or with larger families, but it is still cheaper than take-away or eating out.  These aren’t for long-term budget-friendly eating solutions, but rather for those seasons when everything is coming apart at the seams.

I do know some of the items on my list are processed, and we do try to limit our consumption of processed foods, but lately I find that I care less about having everything from scratch and more about just getting dinner on the table however it happens.  Also, there are some things we always buy organic and some things I get organic if available but otherwise don’t worry about it, and some things I almost never buy organic.  Some of it has to do with our urban shopping experience, but some of it is just trying to be practical. 

And for the recipes.  These are all vegan, owing to our being in the Nativity Fast, so my 5-7 brainless meals for ordinary time are different (I’ll share those on another post, maybe), but you could add meat, cheese or dairy as necessary to your family’s needs/restrictions, etc. 

Cuban Black Bean Soup – courtesy of Southern Hospitality Blog

5-15 oz cans black beans, rinsed

5 cups no-chicken or chicken stock, divided (I used Better than Boullion no-chicken stock)

1/3 cup olive oil

1 cup diced frozen onions (or 1 large fresh if you have time to chop)

1 T. minced garlic

1 green pepper diced

1 14-oz can diced tomatoes

2 T. cider vinegar

1T. cumin

1 tsp. salt

½ tsp. black pepper

Dash cayenne pepper or to taste (I don’t like things very spicy)

1 tsp. dried cilantro or 1 T. fresh if you happen to have it on hand

4 c. frozen brown rice or rice mixture (we used a rice/barley mix from TJ’s that was lovely)

Directions:

In large Dutch oven or soup pot, add all ingredients except tomatoes, rice, beans, and broth.  Fry on medium-high heat until golden brown and fragrant, about 8-10 minutes.  (Optional step for additional creaminess: While that is cooking, take two cans of beans, add two cups of broth and use a hand blender or blender to process until smooth). Add remainder ingredients and heat until warmed through. 

This is lovely served with corn chips and sour cream, but you could omit one or both and it would still be tasty.  Probably would be good with grated cheddar on top as well.  I served with boiled carrots on the side.

Super Bean Burritos –courtesy of Mel’s Kitchen Café

2 cups frozen brown rice

2 tablespoons olive oil
1c. frozen diced onion (or 1 fresh diced if you have time)

2 ½-3 tsp. minced garlic
1 can diced green chilis or rotel

1 teaspoon cumin
Salt and pepper to taste
3 tablespoons tomato paste
2 cans black or pinto beans, drained and rinsed

1 1/2 cups water
1 (10 oz) package frozen corn or 1 can whole kernel corn, drained
6 green onions, white and green parts finely chopped
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
1/2 teaspoon onion powder

10 burrito-sized (10-inch) flour tortillas
(optional for non-vegan meal): 2 c. shredded cheddar or Monterey Jack cheese

Heat oil in large saucepan over medium heat. Add onion, garlic, chilis/rotel and cumin; season with salt and pepper. Cook, stirring occasionally, until onions are softened and golden, about 7-8 minutes. Add tomato paste and cook, stirring for 1 minute.

Add one can of beans and mash gently in the pan (a potato masher or fork works great here). Add the second can of beans and the water and stir to combine. Bring to a boil, reduce heat to medium and simmer, stirring occasionally, until thickened, 10-12 minutes, being careful not to let the mixture stick to the bottom of the pot. Add corn; cook to heat through, 2-3 minutes. Stir in onion and garlic powders. Remove from heat; stir in green onions and cooked rice.

Put 2/3 c. bean mixture inside each tortilla, wrap and place seam side down on a tray, repeating until bean mixture is used up.  Her original recipe says this makes 16, but I’ve never gotten more than 10-12 out of it.  If you have leftovers, wrap each burrito in plastic wrap and freeze; reheat in the microwave or toaster oven to eat (remove plastic wrap before heating).

Green Lentil Soup – adapted from my MIL's recipe

**This one takes longer than 30 minutes, but is prep-free if you use frozen and convenience cut-vegetables**

16 oz package green lentils

10-16 oz package frozen pre-sliced carrots (doesn’t matter so much about quantity)

1 c. frozen diced onions

2-3 stalks celery

(or, if your grocery has this, buy a 16 oz tub of pre-diced fresh onion/celery—you can freeze it until you need it)

6 tsp. minced garlic

6 ½ c. vegetable stock (I use Better than Boullion

Place all ingredients in Dutch oven and cook on low until lentils are soft, about one hour.  Use hand blender to puree into thick creaminess.  Serve with crusty bread.

Persian Rice Pilaf - Adapted from Rice & Spice by Robin Robertson

2 T. olive oil

1 c. frozen diced onion, 1 large fresh onion diced if you have time

4-6 c. frozen brown rice

1/3 c. each raisins or chopped dried apricots

1 tsp. paprika

3 c. hot vegetable stock (I used Better Than Boullion vegetable)

½ + tsp. ground cinnamon

1 ½ tsp. salt with Better than Boullion, but adjust to taste

1/8 tsp. cayenne (just right!)

1 can chickpeas, drained and rinsed

2 tsp. dried parsley

3+ tbsp. slivered almonds for garnish (optional)

Instructions:

·        Heat the oil in a large skillet over low heat. Add the onion, cover, and cook for about 7 minutes or until soft. (Makes for amazing sweetness and great texture.) 

·        Increase the heat to medium, add the rice, raisins (or apricots), and paprika, and cook for 2 minutes, stirring to coat the rice with the oil. 

·        Pour the hot stock or water over the rice mixture, season with the cinnamon, salt, and cayenne, stir to combine, and cover.

·        Reduce the heat to low and simmer gently for 20 minutes or until the rice is tender and the water is absorbed. 

·        Serve with almonds on the side.

Mujuddarah – courtesy my friend, Michelle Bayouth

**This one takes longer than 30 minutes, but requires only occasional attendance while cooking and almost zero prep)

1 c. green lentils (French or black lentils are extra nice)

1 c. long grain brown rice

4 c. water

2 c. frozen chopped onions

4 T. olive oil

2 shy tsp. salt

Combine lentils, rice and water in large pot, cover, bring to boil, set timer for 15 minutes.  In a sauté pan, add onions and olive oil and sauté on medium heat.  (I usually just turn the burner on medium, make sure the onions are well coated, and put the lid on, checking periodically to stir it around).   When onions are nice and brown, turn off heat and set aside.  When your timer goes off, add salt to lentils and rice, replace lid, and reset timer for 45 minutes.  Add carmelized onions to lentils and rice after the timer goes off and stir to combine.  Serve hot with a drizzle of olive oil.

Teriyaki Tofu Stirfry – adapted from The Ethnic Vegan

**This one requires a bit of advance preparation, but each step is fast and can be completed while you do other things.  This is where the weekly menu plan comes in handy.  Keep in mind that the tofu should be frozen for at least 48 hours before marinading overnight, so plan this meal a few days ahead. For those not needing a vegan meal, you can shave some time off this meal by substituting your favorite ready-cooked meat, cut into bite size pieces.**

Ingredients:

2 lbs. extra firm tofu, frozen for at least 48 hours, then thawed completely

Teriyaki Marinade:

1 cup low-sodium soy sauce
1/2 cup rice vinegar
1/2 cup unbleached cane sugar
2 tsp. powdered ginger

3 cloves garlic, minced or pressed
1/4 cup sesame oil (toasted sesame oil is lovely)
2 tsp. dried mustard

2 packages stir fry vegetables (I like Trader Joe’s Harvest Hodgepodge)

Sesame seeds for garnish

Chow mein noodles for garnish (optional)

2-4 c. frozen brown rice, depending on how far you need to stretch this meal

On Grocery Day:

Place tofu in freezer

Two days before Meal:

Defrost tofu completely

Day before Meal:

Drain tofu, squeeze out as much water as you can with your hands (like a sponge), cut into cubes, and bake  in 9x13 lightly oiled pan at 375 for about 45 minutes-1 hour, or until hard and slightly golden brown.  While tofu is baking, simmer marinade in small sauce pan for 10 minutes on stove.  After tofu is baked, pour hot marinade over tofu, cover, and place in refrigerator overnight.

Meal day:

Toss frozen vegetables, frozen rice, and tofu with any remaining marinade into large pot (I use a 7-qt Dutch oven), stir to combine, and cover on medium heat.  Serve when heated through (about 15-20 minutes).  Top with sesame seeds.