The New Normal

*I started this post last week before the wide-spread closures began, but have tried to update to reflect the present moment.

Last week our school announced a two-week closure, so my kids came home Friday with all their books and will receive their assignments through e-mail.  It's a relief, in a way, because we've been waiting for it to happen, wondering when, and how, and now that it's here, we can just get on with things.  I won't say I'm not nervous about home-schooling four special needs kids for two weeks, or worried about the possibility of a longer-term closure; it is what it is, and we'll get through it.  I completely understand the reasoning (no one at our school has the virus, but the administration has decided in the interest of community safety and prudence, it was wiser to close now, ahead of the curve). *In the days since our school decided to close, the governor of our state ordered state-wide closures, and has also ordered non-essential public spaces to close and essential spaces to limit contact. 

I'm grateful for the foresight of our school administration, for thinking ahead and making plans.  We received detailed lesson plans for each kid yesterday, with additional resources to print out, plus more to come in the mail this week.  (From my own observations, it appears that a large number of schools across the country simply closed, either for two weeks or longer, told parents to school at home and good luck with that). 

It makes sense to flatten the curve of illness so that health care facilities can absorb the impact of large numbers of people getting sick during an already challenging flu season, and that means social distancing.  It's hard to think about the things we will all miss out on during these next weeks, but I was encouraged to read Nichole Roccas' post last week. 

In a way, the flurry of homeschooling means I don't have as much time to dwell on all the commentary online about the current situation.  I'm troubled by the number of people who are flip about the value of human life, and feel they can say the current situation isn't that bad because "only the vulnerable and elderly will die."  My family is vulnerable.  I'm vulnerable.  We are not disposable or fungible.  Every life has value.

What I will say about the present moment is this.  It is completely understandable and human to be afraid.  I am afraid at times.  My children are at higher risk because of their airway malacia, and I have asthma myself.  We don't know how this thing will end, or the final toll, both in human terms and otherwise.  How our societies will change and adapt as a result.  Most of us today don't have living memory of these sorts of things, and the speed and scale of this pandemic is also new, particular to our time and age.  Some good may come of it, as people work together to support one another through these tough times, and certainly some bad, but living in the uncertainty is difficult.

In the meantime, we are staying home, having dance parties a few times a day (I've busted out my early '90s hip hop, plus some other tunes with a good beat), taking a good long walk midday, working through the lesson plans sent by their excellent teachers, doing puzzles, playing games, and waiting to see what happens.  (Hats off to our teachers!  They are the best!)  I'm building breaks for myself into our schedule because I'm introverted and I can't go all day with four small people who talk non-stop without losing my mind.  😁 

For now, I'm off for my midday CSI + knitting break, and the kids have requested a square dance party later. 

Peace be with you.

The Depth of Ourselves

Longtime readers will know that we live in a small house with inadequate built-in storage (read: basically no closets), and that managing the stuff of six people occupies a greater amount of my time than I would really like.  Too much "stuff" stresses me out, and frankly, I think it stresses my kids out, even though they still want to have new things, and have a hard time letting go of some other things to make room.  I have two children who are legit hoarders and their stuff just has to be gone through regularly to cull out the hair clippings, random trash from the playground, school papers, and other "treasures" they squirrel away.

The first few years that we had kids, the gifting at Christmas was a bit insane.  Don't get me wrong--I'm grateful that we have so many relatives who want to love our kids with physical gifts, and I know there are lots of kids out there who don't get any presents at all.  That said, my kids couldn't even process all the stuff they got, and since the fill-and-spill stage of play seemed to last FOREVER, it felt to me like it was just more stuff I had to pick up all the time.  One of my children always seemed unhappy on Christmas day, no matter what the presents were, and it was just so frustrating to me.

A few years ago, I decided to simplify things and do three gifts only--a book, a pajama, and a toy.  I realized that my kids were unable to handle surprises at that time, so they picked out exactly what they wanted, and each of the grandparents chose which of the three things they wanted to give the kids, and we gave the final gift.  (There were always a few little extras from aunts and cousins and friends, but just having the three main things was helpful).

It worked okay for a couple years, but I realized last year that things needed to shift (we substituted an "experience" for the book last year and the kids got a year-long membership to LegoLand).  This year, I decided throw the whole system out the window and let the kids pick out a number of toys each.

Why? I realized that my unhappy child was unhappy because that child feels good when there is a big pile of presents to open.  This child didn't want to have to choose just one thing, or two things, but felt guilty when unable to make a decision because the want was so strong and the stakes felt so high to make the "right" choice.  (I understand this feeling well).

We talked through it all in the weeks before Christmas, as each child sorted through what they wanted on their lists, and I saw that I had to let go of this vision of "simplicity" at Christmastime.  (This has been part of a larger picture of me letting go as a parent.  I have made a number of shifts in my thinking in the past year about how I want to parent my kids, and letting go of unrealistic expectations, and living where my kids are at is one of them.  I don't always succeed, but I'm trying).

My concern these days is less about the accumulation of "stuff" and more about the why of what they want.

Do they want a new toy because they just want it, or do they want it because they think it will fix something inside them that feels bad?  One child in particular struggles with this, and we've talked a lot about it over the past year as we've struggled through it together.  Every opportunity for gifts and purchasing has come with a conversation about why the desire for this thing is so desperately high.  Often it is because this child feels bad about something, and can't stand to live in those feelings.

So we are working on living in the bad feelings, and not using "things" to make the feelings go away.  Because actually, the things don't make the feelings go away.  At least not for good.  Sure, they might go away for a little while, but as soon as the "new toy" shine is off the thing, the bad feelings are back, and the desire for a new thing to fill that bad-feeling place is back.

This has been a hard lesson for me to learn over the years as well.  If we are really honest with ourselves, I think most people living in this late capitalist period do this in some way or another.  I'm trying to learn to live in the bad feelings and go through them instead of trying to smother them with stuff or drown them with food.

At the same time, however, I don't want my kids to feel so deprived that they make reckless financial decisions as adults or spend their lives chasing things instead of building relationships.  It's a fine balance, to learn to live with less, make do and mend, to value and use what you have, but still feel that you are worthy of receiving love from others in the form of physical things.  Because gifts do speak about worth louder than words sometimes.   There's a reason why Gary Chapman identifies gift-giving or receiving as one of the five primary love languages.

I suppose what it really comes down to is exploring the reality and depth of love: what it is to love another person fully, to meet their needs how and where they are, and to affirm their worth and value in lots of different ways.

~

{It is Philip's day today, and while I'm certainly thinking about it, I have little to say about it today.  I'm unwell and emotionally exhausted, and I can't poke around inside myself to see what I find.  Thirteen years is a long time.}

Year End

This time of year is always a bit odd for me.  I've been observing Russian Christmas on January 7 for the past 14 years or so, and it still feels bit a off, in part because my kids are all in school now, with a winter break keyed to Western Christmas on 12/25.  It's been a number of years since we traveled to either side of the family for Western Christmas, and so these two weeks tend to feel like suspended animation.  (Also, I miss my family something fierce during this month, and am usually in a melancholy sort of frame of mind as a result). 

This month has been marked by a lot of illness; Piglet came home from a trip to the monastery over Thanksgiving with a fever and a cough, which then spread to the other kids in turn.  The kids' school also had several similar viruses running around, plus a stomach bug.  So the weeks of December were punctuated by sick kids at home, weekends wondering if we needed to take a child to the ER, antibiotics, steroids, and interrupted nights. 

On the last day before the winter break, Piglet came down with another fever.  A scary fever.  I don't scare easily when it comes to medical issues; I've seen too much in the past eight years to panic regularly.  But that fever.  Man. 104.4.  In my mind, that is seizure territory, because for Birdie, it is.  And febrile seizures mean ambulances, and years off my life.  The grey hair on my head didn't come from nowhere.  But for Piglet, it meant misery and delirium and fever interventions that seemed to take ages to kick in. 

Finally, after several hours, two different fever meds, a warm bath, and several wet washcloth applications, his fever got into a range that I no longer felt scared.  He fell asleep and so did I.  On Saturday, he saw the doctor and was diagnosed with pneumonia and placed on antibiotics.  (It also convinced me I need a new stethoscope, because I couldn't hear it on my old one at home).

Any plans I had for the winter break have been placed back on the shelf for reassessment on a day-to-day basis.  It's okay, actually.  I'm exhausted, and long school breaks are usually pretty stressful for me.  Having kids who are still recovering is probably a best-case scenario at this point, because we can have a relaxed schedule, and just take the days easy. 

It is the first time in a long time that I've felt at leisure to have lazy days.  I've been more at ease during the day these past few days than for a long time.  It is pleasant to be with the kids and doing my things while they play with legos, sing Gaudete, watch holiday movies, and make craft projects.  (That's not to say that they aren't fighting in frustrating ways; that's to be expected.  But the overall tone of the day is much more pleasant, and anyone who knows me in real life will know that is a big change). 

These past weeks have been a time of reassessment for me, of thinking about the year gone by, and considering the year to come.  I started the year feeling unusually anticipatory.  New Year's Eve had given me a sense that something was going to happen in 2019.  I was open and curious about many possibilities of change.  There were perhaps glimmers of things to come, but nothing substantiated. 

As I approach another New Year's Eve, I confess to feeling somewhat deflated.  I wonder about the things I attached significance to, thinking they portended something, but turned out not to (at least not at this writing).  Was I just delusional? 

Nothing has really happened this year.  Sure, I finished my novel, and submitted to a publisher, but it is languishing in limbo at the moment.  (Perhaps I'll hear one way or another in the spring).  I started sketching out the next book.  Sewed some clothes, knitted some things.  The kids finished one school year and began another.  The summer was what it was.  I turned 40.  Digging in with the emotional lives of my kids is one of the constants of my days, and I remain committed to therapy with all four of them, plus my own.  My shoulders ache with the weight of it all.  I've perhaps learned a little bit more about being a parent and a lot more about the extent of my own brokenness. 

But mostly, life just kept on trucking. 

Perhaps that is what it is right now.  Just the slow and steady putting of one foot in front of the other, of setting aside the optional and cosmetic for what lies beneath. 

Talking Tuesday: Endurance

all images via Google Images, of St. Herman of Alaska Monastery in Platina, CA

We live in interesting times.  I could not have predicted the speed with which traditional Christianity would be marginalized in American society, nor ways in which Christians would be forced to abandon the public square.  

Rod Dreher had a great analysis on his blog last week, following a link to a great article that I recommend reading as it lays out some practical examples of Benedict Option style activities that some Christians are undertaking in order to live out their faith, and foster a faith-community in our society which becomes ever more hostile to small-o orthodox Christianity and indeed, most traditional faiths.

I'm very interested in the Benedict Option; I'm always thinking about how to consciously structure our family life to revolve around the life of the Church, and to make sure that our children are firmly grounded in the Faith. We will have to be much more deliberate in choosing a Christian path as a family, because we can no longer count on the surrounding culture to shore it up.   

"Over and over, we see that the biggest problem in even the healthiest churches here, where kids are being raised well in the faith, is that the rhythms of kids’ lives are not being shaped by anything related to Church,” said executive director Brian Brown. “They’re being shaped by the rat race, by the constant pressure to get the kid into college, whatever it may be. We have ‘liturgies’ that are formed by checking our smartphone for Facebook every hour, that are far more formative than the liturgy of our religion that’s supposed to be the center of our lives.” ~John Burger, What is the Benedict Option, and Why it Might be Coming to Your Neighborhood, Aleteia blog, May 11, 2016

I worry about the world my children will inhabit, because I think it will be very different from the one that I knew growing up.  I want them to have the tools to live as exiles from the world, to stay strong in their faith, and to order their lives according to the rhythms of the Church.   We can learn much from monasteries--I've discussed previously how much I admire the rhythms of life at the monastery of St. Herman of Alaska in Platina, CA.  Their lives are not physically comfortable, but I find there is much to learn in how they live them in accordance with the liturgical life of the Church.  It is not an easy path, but it is one that Christ called us to as Christians. 

If the world hates you, you know that it hated Me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love its own. Yet because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you....He who hates Me hates My Father also. If I had not done among them the works which no one else did, they would have no sin; but now they have seen and also hated both Me and My Father. But this happened that the word might be fulfilled which is written in their law, ‘They hated Me without a cause. But when the Helper comes, whom I shall send to you from the Father, the Spirit of truth who proceeds from the Father, He will testify of Me. ~John 15:18-27

The analysis of the current state of affairs in America comes from a reader of Dreher's blog, and I recommend reading the whole thing, but here is the first part:

"I think the story goes something like this: In the first centuries of the Church, Christians were the minority and the outcasts, at times even enemies of the state. Over centuries, and through much toil and blood, we attained toleration. Eventually, that developed into acceptance. Finally, we were ascendant. Christianity became the faith of the Empire. Along with this came positions of power and influence for Christians, who no longer had to fear a conflict between their faith and carrying out the duties of state.

That arrangement more or less persisted for centuries. Obviously, for Orthodox Christians in the East it ended with the fall of the Byzantine Empire and the rise of Islam. In the West, however, the Church remained integrally involved with the state and persisted as a preeminent influence on culture.

Much good has come of this, most especially the influence of Christian anthropology on the arts, philosophy, and political theory. The Church, too, benefited from the need to articulate uniquely Christian understandings of aesthetics, ethics, and political philosophy. The greatest achievements of Western civilization all rest on this foundation laid by Christianity.

However, as has been much discussed, especially by you in connection with the Benedict Option, this longstanding position of power and cultural priority for Christianity has also enabled an, at times, unhealthy laxity within the Church. I’m talking about the propensity of Christians, after they have baptized the culture, to kick up their feet and relax, thinking they have constructed some sort of perpetual motion machine. Once Christianity has formed the culture, this unspoken thinking goes, the culture will perpetuate Christianity. The Church need only see to its rituals, acting as a sort of all-encompassing master of ceremonies for the culture as a whole.

The error in this, or least one prominent one, should be obvious: it ignores the Fall and the reality of sin. No culture will persist in virtue without the constant guidance, admonition, and even judgment of the Church. In the absence of these, the seeds of original sin will again sprout into tares that slowly spread and choke out the wheat of the culture.

This is essentially what has been happening to the West since around the time of the Reformation. And yet it has not been until recently that things have come to a head.

What is different now? Well, the Church has neglected the culture for so long that [the culture] now advocates for beliefs and practices that directly contradict the Christian faith.

This is where the difficulty begins, because Christians have gotten soft. We’ve gotten used to our positions of power and influence. When faced with the choice of keeping their faith or their cultural relevance, an increasing number of Christians have been choosing the latter."

~Frenemies of the Benedict Option, Rod Dreher, American Conservative Blog, May 16, 2016

Our task is to live our lives with integrity, in accordance with God's laws and the Tradition of the Church, with an increased care for that which goes on in our back yards.  We must recommit to doing all of the the things that Christ commanded us as the Church to do in our communities, with the person in front of us.  This is difficult.  I freely admit that the pace and structure of modern life make this task a daunting one, especially for an introvert like me.  It is hard to invite people over, to find the time and energy to bring like-minded people together to build community, but it is absolutely necessary to shoring up our faith, and also to give us strength to continue on the Way.  Being a Christian in the new order will require some hard conversations--indeed, some hard decisions--about what we will and will not do as Christians in a hostile land.  I don't have any answers, only my poor prayers that we may endure.

Ivy League dress and Thoughts about Hospital Stays

Well. Last week was a week.  Birdie had been severely sick over the weekend, and I thought she was on the mend by Monday, but she landed in the hospital overnight after turning septic sometime in the evening.  It was an eventful and unexpected turn, as you might imagine.  It took a while to get her stable in the ER and they told me right away she would be admitted.  She needed oxygen, IV fluids, and IV antibiotics, plus a lot of monitoring.  It was disconcerting to see our whirlwind girl so still and sick.  She stayed in the hospital until Thursday morning.  She was mostly off oxygen at that point, and had been off her IV fluids for 24 hours by then and was pretty perky.  I think the doctor might have been inclined to keep her another night had I not begged for discharge.  We had gotten a roommate the night previous and it was, to say the least, disruptive.  Our room was a single that had been converted into a double, it was crowded, I was getting sick, the three children at home were all sick, and I felt we just needed to get home.  It was the right decision, as I got pretty sick once we were home, and the rest of the kids really needed to be looked after as well.

I had put up my posts last week before everything went down, so I imagine my belated "update" on my Yarn Along post made no sense to most people.  On the upside, everyone went back to school yesterday, and the kids mostly seem over it.  I'm still a bit congested in my lungs, and just feel exhausted from being awake from Thursday-Wednesday (including a 48-hours-straight stretch from Monday-Tuesday).  I have some friends bringing meals this week, which is a great help, as I am just overwhelmed with household tasks right now.  I find the week after discharge is actually more difficult than the week in the hospital, because all the kids are off since they can't really understand what happened, the child who was in the hospital is still a little shocked by everything that was done to her, and we parents are just exhausted from adrenaline withdrawal and the whole ordeal.

So let me show you a dress I made a few weeks ago, k?

This is the same spotty dot fabric from Michael Miller that I made last summer, but in a different color way.  There ended up being a lot of issues with the fit of that dress, and I ended up not keeping it.  I had bought this fabric online in the meantime, however, and since the color combination just said "spring" to me, I decided to save it for this season. It is a pretty straight forward Dottie Angel frock, no real changes to note, except I used the pocket from my Swirl dress pattern, just for something different.   I did have to redo the elastic on this dress because it came out too loose the first time, but I think it is fine now.  

This one also came out just a smidge shorter than the other ones, but it is still at the bottom of my knee, so I think it is okay.  I know what I did differently to have it come out shorter, and I fixed it on the dress I made after this one.  

I think this color scheme is really preppy looking.  I have a bright green cardigan that is a good match to the green dots, but it is lighter weight than the weather called for, so I put a knit shirt underneath instead.  I'm still a little chilly this morning, but it is supposed to get up in the 60s later today, so I'll be fine this afternoon!  

I almost did visible bias on this dress, in green, but my green bias was just a little bit off color-wise, and didn't quite look right.  So I went with my standard bias treatment, still using the green.  It is a nice little peek of color around the neckline and sleeve cuffs.  

I do think this is one of those dresses that doesn't photograph particularly well, but I'll try not to let that influence me.  All in all, a good spring dress.

Just the facts:

Ivy League dress: Michael Miller fabric, Simplicity 1080 with modifications, elastic, bias tape

Michael Starrs knit undershirt: ThredUp

Tights: Foot Traffic (in Heather Mocha)

Necklace: from Georgia (the country)

Earrings: Etsy 

Boots: Macy's

A Live Grenade

Living with children who have serious chronic illness is a little like living with a live grenade.  You never know when it is going to go off, so you watch it, warily, waiting for the explosion which inevitably happens.  Sometimes you forget that the grenade is there, lurking in the corner, and you go about your merry business, but there is always the click of the pin as it is pulled out, the metallic ping as the handle releases that brings you back to watchful awareness.

Last week, Birdie had a fever for four days.  It was high, it required constant monitoring because of her propensity to febrile seizures, and it was unrelenting.  It was perhaps a blessing in disguise, as she was home from school from Wednesday on.  On Friday, I found out that a student at her preschool ended up in the ER with flu and that the serious enterovirus has hit Delaware, one state away from us.  Many people commute between here and there, so I give it a week maybe two to hit our city.  The EV-D68 hits kids with respiratory conditions particularly hard, and it is hard to diagnose at first because it presents like a cold or the flu.  A lot of them end up hospitalized, some on ventilators.  That means my airway malacia kids are particularly vulnerable right now.  

We were hoping to wait on the flu vaccine until October, when the flumist would be in our doctor's office, but we don't have the luxury any longer.  I've got a last minute vaccine appointment for the three older kids on Monday to get them flu vaccines, and we will hope and pray that the EV-D68 stays away for now.  Because these are the things you do when you live with a live grenade.  You look for ways to soften the impact, to shore up defenses, to remain constantly vigilant.  

Our sick season starts at the beginning of August and ends sometime in mid-June.  

Miles to go before we sleep.  Miles to go...

7QT: Zonked Squared

--1--

I think I might have to revise my earlier assessment of cooler weather=separates for me, as I've been searching out the dresses in my closet as the weather has turned.   

Some of it is that a lot of my separates are a bit snug around the middle right now, and some of it is there is just something easy about a dress.  It isn't cool enough yet for tights and boots, but I have a strong urge to Knit!All!The!Things! to make neat accessories and sweaters for the cooler weather.  

This dress is a perfect blank template for fun accessories, I think.

Dress: Land's End via ThredUp

Cuckoo Clock necklace: birthday gift (via etsy)

Earrings: etsy

Shoes: dankso via ebay

--2--

And, on my needles now:  I'm still working on the headband in fits and starts, and cast on a 1940s era pullover sweater in a twisted rib pattern.  The pattern was a little sketchy on details like gauge and finished size, but there were a bunch of people who've knit it up, so I used their notes to pick my needles and add a few stitches to the pattern for extra width.  The yarn is a true peacock teal color and will be gorgeous, I think!  I'm using some yarn I had in my stash.

--3--

My sister will be pleased to hear that her yarn arrived.  She commissioned me to knit her a Katniss cowl at the beginning of the summer, and I said I'd probably get to it in September, as I wanted to finish the mushroom sweater first.  I'm going to do a gauge swatch this afternoon and get going on it soon.  I think it will knit up quickly given how bulky the yarn is.

--4--

I finally got some sewing done this week!  I tackled my modified Emery, using Florence fabric from Denyse Schmidt, which I love.  I know it looks orange on the photos, but it is really more in the coral family, which suits my complexion so well. The design is so reminiscent of 1930s fabric designs, and my mods to the Emery have kind of given the dress a mid-1940s vibe, which is exactly what I was going for.  I'll talk about construction when it is finished, but suffice to say, I learned a few things the hard way (*ahem* self-lined bodices), and this is the first time I added patch pockets without feeling like I wanted to stab myself in the eyes.  I still have a bunch to do.  The bodice is just pinned to the skirt, and I need to finish the sleeve edges and hem the skirt, plus it needs a zipper (I discovered mid-construction that the zipper I planned to use wasn't long enough), but I think it will come together quickly once the new zipper arrives.  I'm also planning to add some small vintage black buttons to the bodice.  I had wanted to finish the rest today (except for the zipper), but I'm too zonked to sew.

--5--

Birdie has been running a pretty high fever since Tuesday night and has been up every hour all night long every night since (and since her fever is spiking right after lunch, nap time has been much been a diaster)  We're keeping her home from preschool until the fever passes, obviously.  She did finally sleep in today, and seems a bit cooler and more peppy, but we'll see what the rest of the day brings.  She still has fever eyes, though.  I'm hoping it breaks over the weekend so she can go back to school on Monday.

--6--

The other reason I'm zonked is Ponchik, who normally gets up 2-3 times per night, including a 30-60 minute stretch around 2:30 and then wakes up for the day between 4:30 and 5:30 a.m.  Between her and Birdie, I feel almost deliriously tired.

--7--

Piglet is also home today because of an inservice day for his teachers (I know!  It is only the second week!)  He is still messing with a pretty bad ear infection (almost two weeks now) and while he seems pretty chipper, I think it is wearing on him, so I guess it is just as well.

And speaking of chipper, Boo is back!  The last few days, Boo has been seriously delightful.  After more than three extremely challenging years with him that made me feel like a failure as a parent almost every minute of every day, it is a welcome break.  We're hoping it means that he's finally turned the corner on the toddler years, but time will tell.  In the meantime, we're enjoying having our giggly (if slightly manic), agreeable little boy back.  

Linking up with Jen at Conversion Diary with all the other Quick Takers!

Odds and Ends, Vol. 12

Image

I think anyone who has read this blog for any amount of time knows that we struggle with whether or not the city is ultimately the best place for our family.  We love many aspects of city life, and there are many ways in which our family life would radically change were we to decamp to the country, not all of them good for our kids.  With that in mind, I found this article to be particularly thought-provoking.   It is an interesting book review on the changes wrought in Lancaster County and in rural life in general over time.  We recently spent a day in Lancaster, visiting some friends, and the place has its allure, and I completely understand why those fleeing the hardships of urban life would find it appealing.  It is tempting, however, to bring urban sensibilities to the farm, and it is not fair to do so.  We urban dwellers must consider ourselves outlanders when we leave the city, and to keep our own counsel, for just as we would bristle at a farmer telling an urbanite how to go about things, so the farmer has the right to feel put upon by city folk doing the same.  From the article:

"Although the problems facing rural communities like Lancaster have serious economic causes, I argue that their root is primary cultural. In the twentieth century, the city has replaced the country as the focus of American culture, and ruralites wanting growth and progress have looked to urban models. As American society has moved further from its agrarian roots, ruralness has come to be associated with the past, with a simpler time of peace and plenty when harmony prevailed.

This idea of the city-as-future and the country-as-past has aggravated the troubles of rural America since the Second World War. When urbanites see a rural community as an attractive lost Arcadia, their money can serve as a wedge for their ideas and force ruralites to accommodate their desire for peace, quiet, and recreation. Farmers and other rural residents needing to make a living are often forced to the opposite extreme, advocating progress at any cost; while ruralites who want to preserve farmland and other open space from development may be seen by their neighbors as catering to urban fantasies or as “living in the past.”

Americans’ failure to envision a model for rural progress—a present and a future that preserve the essential character of a rural place—has allowed the city to turn the country into a kind of economic and cultural colony."

Newly unearthed photos from the National Geographic archive.  Plus a few more.

10 Things No One Tells You About Marriage Beforehand (but they should!)  This is an excellent little exposition on how our culture's messages about marriage are thoroughly mixed up and also explains a better way to approach the marriage relationship.

Dwija talks about how hard it really is to be a stay-at-home mother, especially at the beginning.  Preach it, sista.

I'm not sure what I find most disturbing about this article: the fact that a two year old is asking Siri what an ear infection is instead of asking his father, or that the father is directing the pediatrician's questions about the child's malady to the child instead of being tuned in enough to the child's symptoms and illness to answer them himself.  The child is two.  In any case, a good reminder to leave the mobile device in the purse, on the counter, somewhere out of reach when spending time with kids.  Because, man.  Those dopamine receptors.  No respecter of persons.

Kara Tippetts is dying of cancer, but is making the most of the time she has left.  May we all face our ends with such serenity, such grace, such fortitude.

Brilliant entertainer Robin Williams is dead of apparent suicide; his demons got the best of him, and I'm sad for the suffering and mental illness he endured for most of his life.  I found this little response to the news timely and useful.

shorpy.com

Mat. Anna put me onto the Shorpy historical photo archive--so wonderful!!

shorpy.com

I'm only going to link a few articles here from this website, but please read the whole series (links at the bottom of the page).  It is a fascinating look at the garment industry from an insider, specifically addressing the problems of fitting and sizing, a topic that I think you'll agree affects all of us.  She talks about why vanity sizing is a myth (and I really do buy her argument), and why sizing is so frustrating to most people.  She offers some ideas to help, but we consumers also have a part to play--we need to be honest with ourselves about our measurements, and to have more realistic expectations from the garment industry as to what can be offered given demographics, economic reality, price issues, and so on. From one of the articles: 

"What it really boils down to is consumer expectation that they should be able to walk into any store, anywhere and pick out a medium and expect it to fit them but that’s just not reasonable. Particularly when many consumers are reluctant to pay the customary price points of that market. For example, it’s unreasonable for the average Wal-Mart customer -who only wants to pay Wal-Mart prices- to walk into Talbot’s and expect a Talbot’s medium to fit them and their pricing expectations so it’s unreasonable to expect every manufacturer to fit the full range of human size possibilities too. With companies free to fit “their” customer, you have more possibilities of locating a size that fits you than if sizes were standardized."

In short: not every retailer can or should serve everyone.  (For more information, please read this brief article on why J.Crew is offering XXXS clothing line)

I wrote earlier this week about modern retailing, and the problems of finding quality goods at a reasonable (note, I did not say "cheap") price.  I think for those of us who love vintage clothing or second hand furniture, shopping can become a bit of a problem.  With most other retailing, there is a sort of assembly line quality to it, and the almost sure knowledge that something similar (or possibly better) will come along if you don't buy it now. With vintage, the unique nature and rarity of it can inspire impulsive purchases, or even just ill-considered purchases.  I've been guilty, guilty, guilty of this, and I'm working to reexamine my shopping habits, particularly online, as I'm noticing that I've increasingly used it to self-soothe during times of stress.  At the end of the day, they are just things, and things are ephermeral.  We can't take them with us, so to speak.  Emileigh wrote an excellent post on the topic last week.

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This is kind of cool: an artist's installation of a corner shop, all made of felt.

Putting on new perspecticles about the blessings in our lives (I go back and forth about Glennon Melton, but this one is worth a read; besides, she uses one of my favorite quotes: Beware of all enterprises which require new clothes.")

How to eat well on a food stamp diet. (includes a free full color downloadable cookbook).  I love projects like this--each meal is under $5, full of healthy nutritious ingredients, with easy substitutions for what is available, on sale, and reasonable to prepare.

Diligence, hard work, and a willingness to put up with hardship and scorn of the surrounding community are the ways out of poverty, but in the current cultural and political landscape, it is hard to effectively convey that message.

shorpy.com

The news from the Middle East is fairly horrific these days, especially for Christians.  I'm not always sure where to go with any of it--the wholesale slaughter of ancient Christian communities in Iraq and Syria has left me bewildered and fearful for the future.  Molly Sabourin provides a thoughtful response, as usual.

On a lighter note, Shana gives great tips for making a kid-friendly space in the back yard, and (most importantly, in my opinion) leaving them to it.

I've always said that crafting is as good as therapy (although probably not cheaper, once you factor in supplies). Turns out, it is true!

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A history of working class gardens in England.  I find this brief overview to be quite fascinating, particularly in light of several documentaries I watched recently on some grand estates in England, including Hampton Court, Althorp and Chatsworth.

If you are J-type personality like me (on the Myers-Briggs scale, this means someone who likes routines, closure, plans, control, etc), then you might find your to-do list can sometimes feel overwhelming and stressful, particularly those sorts of items that never seem to be "finished" or recur regularly.  I'm still thinking about Tasha Miller Griffith's novel approach to the infinite to-do list.

I didn't realize this until recently, but pink peppercorns are related to tree nuts like cashews, so if you have a serious tree nut allergy (and I do!), please avoid them!  They show up in fancy peppercorn mixes, and chefs often use them in nicer restaurants.  I've often had "x-factor" reactions, where I reacted to something I ate but had no idea what the culprit could be, even when I'd made or vetted the food myself.  I'm now wondering how often it was something like a pink peppercorn.  

Interesting: Carlo's Law of Metaphysics.

I'm quite fascinated by Jonathan Haidt's Moral Foundations Theory, and a recent thread on Rod Dreher's blog prompted a comment by Haidt himself, which then led off into a series of questions about the arts.  I'm still thinking about it.

Does language shape how we view the world?  This post neatly ties together several of my interests, including time, cultures, language, and history.  I do think that language has a direct impact on our thinking, mostly in that when we have more words to express our complex inner lives, or to describe our world, we can make better sense both inwardly and outwardly.  I have several phrases I can only use in Russian, because they don't translate.  Ditto for a few Dutch phrases I grew up with.  Yes, I can more or less explain what they mean in English, but the words in the original have a richness, a savory character on the tongue that feeds something deep in me.

The future of modern Islam and American Laïcité  (this article is interesting because it is written by a second generation immigrant and follower of Islam, but really, you could insert almost any religion into the framework he describes).

In light of my recent fascination with all things related to the Great War, I was pleased to find this little gem in my newsfeed recently.  It is a photographic history of solider's kits from 1066 to the present.  The presentation is wonderful, and the progression fascinating.

  Solider's Kit from Battle of Somme.  Image via

And in related Great War remembrances, poppies to remember the fallen at the Tower of London.   (Incidentely, I highly recommend the documentary on the Secrets of the Tower).

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Also: Was the Great War the last Crusade?  Philip Jenkins thinks so.  From the review:

"The Allied and Central powers depicted themselves as uniquely chosen by God to fulfill a civilizational and religious mission; demonized their enemies as Antichrist or Satan; portrayed the war as a Manichean struggle between good and evil; and promised world redemption if they and their allies triumphed, and nothing but human bondage and misery if their enemies prevailed.

Apocalypticism, encouraged by the war’s length, widening scope, and destructiveness, appeared in wartime novels and movies, animated radical political movements, and fueled end-time speculation made even more plausible among fervent premillennialists by the British army’s victory in Palestine—at biblical Armageddon, no less—and by the Balfour Declaration’s promise of a homeland for the Jews. This was a war of prophetic fulfillment."

Talking Tuesday: How to Apologize

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A few months ago, I ran across this article that talked about effective ways to apologize.  I thought that the script provided in the article was quite powerful, and we've been trying to make Piglet use it when he wrongs other people (the other kids are a little too young for it, although Boo might be able to "get it" soon).  Right now it is totally scripted on our part, but I'm hoping with time and practice that it will get more fluid and spontaneous.  We have to start somewhere, right?

Here is the script:

"I’m sorry for…

This is wrong because…

In the future, I will…

Will you forgive me?"

Simple, yet effective. I recommend to read the whole article, as there are many examples of how it works out for real kids.

Odds and Ends, Vol. 11

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Stunning photographs of the Badlands.

The War That Changed Everything.  The Wall Street Journal reflects on the impact of the Great War.  Consider this article a good primer to understanding the modern and post-modern landscape.

Meagan Francis addresses some tricky parenting dilemmas for older kids.  My kids have a few years (I hope!) before these things become an issue, but I'm going to keep this article in mind as we hurtle along.

Nathan Bieberdorf puts paid to the notion that everything is beautiful.  There is much in life that is valuable above physical attributes, and frankly, not everything in life is beautiful.  There is much ugliness and sorrow in the world.  From the article: 

"Because we have created a culture that values beauty above all other innate traits…for women, at least. Men are generally valued by their success, which is seen as a result of talent and hard work, despite how much it depends on luck and knowing the right people.

But women are pretty much a one-note instrument. Society says, you’re hot, or you’re not. Your looks affect your choice of mate, the friends you have, and even your job. And this factor that will affect every part of your life is something you have next to no control over."

Sally McGraw at Already Pretty discusses how to define your body (or, as I've said before, appreciate your body's own particularities; it is so much easier to find or sew clothes that fit and flatter if you are comfortable with your own skin and familiar with your particular shape and proportions)

I've noticed this trend in the last few years of women plasticizing themselves, partly (I think) in response to the preponderance of Photoshopped, airbrushed magazine ideals.  I loved this video response by singer Colbie Callait.

Sarai reflects on the 3 biggest joys of sewing.

The Rule of Three for keeping wardrobes functional and small.  I'm definitely using this rule going forward.

Without the devil, without sin, there is no reason for salvation, no reason for Christ to save us. The Church of England seems to have forgotten this basic fact.

A plutocrat warns against modern day peasants storming the castle.  Hanauer's thoughts on employment, wages, and economics are fascinating, particularly coming from someone as ultra wealthy as he is. (Also, Rod Dreher has a nice response to the article, along with a good reflection on folly in society)

Philip Bess might just be my new favorite intellectual.  He is a New Urbanist, and his thoughts on sustainable community in the 21st century are spot on.  I particularly appreciated his thoughts on the role of the Church in creating community around itself, rather than asking the community to come toward it.  Christ comes to us;  the chalice proceeds from the heavenly altar, all we need do is approach with fear and trembling.  

On the other hand, one of the reasons I love being an historian is that I like to imagine life as it was before, and imagine myself back in that life (this is one of the primarily reasons that Outlander strikes a major chord with me).  Turns out, I could be living the medieval dream.  Oh, don't tempt me.

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I love this: 50 photos of motherhood in the mid-20th century.  Further proof (as if we needed it) that women come in all shapes and sizes, and how mothers interact with their children remains unchanged.

Every time I go to IKEA, I get visions of compact, simple, streamlined aesthetic in my head.  Those showroom apartments where every square inch of that 700 square foot apartment is utilized, and livable for a family!  The 100 square foot studio apartment with no wasted space.  So cozy, so compact, so useful!  But then I get home, and see the realities of my Victorian-era row-home, and realize, the Scandinavian modern aesthetic isn't going to work here.  But I can dream!  This slide show takes me away.

Alan Jacobs reviews Jonathan Haidt's Righteous Mind.  Haidt is a leftist secular scholar, but he understands how institutions bind us together, make us feel morally superior, promote group-think, and also prevent good dialogue between opposing sides.  Jacobs nicely summarizes Haidt's arguments.

This article deals with a question that is often on my mind: waste.  Specifically, textile waste, as fast fashion has ruined the textile industry, garments aren't made to last, and the consumer mindset of modern society pushes us to buy ever more clothing (the average American buys 70 pieces of clothing per year!)  All that clothing tends to cycle in and out, as fashion trends change quickly these days, and garments are designed to wear out in three washes (!!!).  I wish more companies would get involved in textile recycling in America, as I think there is not only big business there, but it would at least be a buffer of sustainability in a sector of the economy that seems little concerned with the environment.  The first step, obviously, is to consume less, but I get that it is hard when garments are poorly made and wear out easily (even the ones from so-called "good" brands are no longer as well made as they were even 15 years ago).  I do donate almost any clothing we aren't using anymore.  I consign whatever is in good shape to ThredUp, and donate the rest to a local charity, where I presume a lot of it is recycled.  I haven't done as well with garments that are beyond the pale (mostly clothing from my husband, who wears things completely dead), but this article makes me think I should just be donating them as well, marked for textile recycling.

Dreher skewers the notion of "the right side of history" and the idol we make of it.

Caroline Vuyadinov discusses the body after death--it is not disgusting, or a casing to be discarded, but the housing of the soul, and should be respected, and buried properly.

And related: a doctor gives some perspective on death and dying in the post modern era.

Dreher was on a roll there for a few weeks, and this article caught my eye: why hard news is like eating kale. From the article:

"The ugly truth is that people consume news like my kids consume food: they hate anything that might be remotely challenging or unfamiliar, and all things considered, they’re rather eat sweets than meat or vegetables."

Mark Lilla on why the dogma of democracy doesn't always make the world a better place.

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Ingenious ways to hide the "ugly" in your house.  I don't actually think most of these suggestions are practical, or even that attractive (hello, dog bowls in a drawer.  Ick), but some are clever.  I also think that we don't need to hide the "ugly" in our homes--we live there, they don't need to look like an unoccupied magazine spread.  That said, there are plenty of practical reasons to tie up cords, hide them behind things (to keep Small People out of them, for example), and some of the ideas listed are useful.

And related: A manifesto against the tyranny of luxury kitchens.  Yes.  Exactly.  Give me small, functional, and perhaps ugly or dated to empty, unused, expensive showpieces.

Bigger is better, when it comes to managing a family.  

As the mother of four small children in a child-hostile urban setting, I've received my fair share of weird comments over the years.  Wendy Jenssen hilariously responds to the most common (and sometimes bizarre comments she receives).  Also, Scary Mommy skewers them all.  Just.don't.go.there, mkay?

I'm not militant about breastfeeding, but I do think that women should feel free and comfortable to discreetly breastfeed in public.  Julia Wykes' story made me sad about the whole thing.

Calah gets real about NFP.

In an older article, Frederica Mathewes-Green discusses the pros of (wed) teen pregnancy.  The key?  A supportive surrounding community.

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Have I cracked on enough about Outlander yet?  No?  Good.  Here are the reasons we care about Claire (the main protagonist of the series).  Series premier on August 2!!  First episode is free on Starz.com--I can't wait!!

Our society is profoundly uncomfortable with, well, discomfort.  Anything that isn't shiny or pretty, or fit into a nice category is hard to deal with, and grief or personal tragedy is no respecter of persons.  I found this  little infographic a useful way to think about how to help when life gets tough, and what not to say.

Nichole talks about the reality of parenting small children.  Her best observation? 

"In the modern world of shiny blogs and perfect Instagram photos and everything we want when we want it, there is a great fiction that we can control everything around us, so that we’ll never experience discomfort. According to modern society, discomfort is the worst thing that can happen. But parenting little people will involve difficult, sometimes painful stuff. Most of it is amazing, wonderful and unimaginably fulfilling, but not a small amount of parenting is dealing with challenges you have no way to prevent. Stomach bugs happen. Tantrums happen, mostly in public places. Sleepless night HAPPEN, oh those sleepless nights. Parenthood comes with a higher level of discomfort than almost anything else you’d willingly choose. Our society asks the question, why chose parenthood if it sucks so much?" 

Yes, exactly.  But, as she notes, parenthood is filled with much joy and love that balances out the discomfort, the sleep-deprivation, the anxiety, the agony.  It is good for our souls to choose things that are difficult, things that are uncomfortable, things that hurt.  Sometimes we can grow and change no other way.