Yarn Along: December

~knitting~

A Carbeth!!  I wrote about my Shetland style arc last month, and I dove right into making a Carbeth pullover sweater shortly after.  I had unwound my Yellow Brick Road cardigan last winter, after wearing it a few times and not being happy with how it fit or looked on me, and was wondering what to do with the reclaimed yarn.  

I love having that color in my closet, but I couldn't settle on a pattern.  Then I realized that I could double the yarn and make gauge for the Carbeth, so off I went!  I didn't have quite enough for the whole sweater on hand, so I had order a couple more skeins, but this project went fast!  I would have been done in under a week if I hadn't had to wait for yarn.

I got it off needles on Saturday and promptly wore it to church on Sunday, without blocking it.  I loved it!!  I did block it on Sunday night, and I think the body of the sweater blocked slightly longer than it had been.  

I'm going to try and block out 2" from the body next time, as it looks better when it just skims my waistband, but the sleeves blocked out better than they were, and the collar is just right now.  It is superwash wool (worsted Swish in Jade from KnitPicks) so lacking that, I can always tighten it up in the dryer without worry.

I used Tasha's mods on the body to make it tapered at the waist, since boxy sweaters tend not to look great on me.  I'm quite chuffed with the result.  Also: it is super warm, and I am all about warm this season.

Weird action shot, but it shows the lines of the back neck nicely!

I also ordered some DK merino yarn around Thanksgiving during a great sale on Little Knits.  I was looking for yarn for Hannah Fettig's Lightweight Pullover, but I realized I could double it up for a Carbeth Cardigan instead.  I had gotten some yellow bulky yarn for it, but I didn't love the color, and this daisy merino is just what I wanted, so I swatched it yesterday and cast on last night.  So fast and satisfying--I'm really looking forward to wearing this one!

I'm still going to make the Lightweight Pullover--I'd bought yarn to make two, so I'll probably use the navy or purple yarn for that.  (Although I might end up with a navy Carbeth, who knows.  I have enough yarn for either).

I also darned Ponchik's mittens again.  I had darned them last winter with dark green yarn, so I went ahead and darned the new places with the same.

I should probably add that I gave away my Major John Andre Rivel to a friend.  It just didn't look right on me and while I liked how it fit in the shoulders and I found the process of knitting it enjoyable, I didn't like the way the body looked.  It looks fabulous on my friend, so I'm glad it has a nice home!!  I also gave my Gemini to a dear friend and it looks WAY better on her than it ever did on me.  I'm so happy about it!

~reading~

I finished Stasiland (excellent) and The Kremlin's Candidate (abrupt ending), and started on Jasper Fford's Lost in a Good Book (hilarious!) I also restarted Kristen Lavransdatter, although I am finding it slow going.  

I also just got this book: 

and I'm eager to read it soon.

~writing~

The big binder with the yellow post its is the messy first draft.

I'm in full revision mode on the novel, and finished integrating the first round of edits yesterday.  I'm making a big global POV change (from first person to third limited), so that is going to take a bit of doing.  I spent several hours yesterday on it, and my eyes were crossed by the end.  My next task is to print a clean copy and make an editorial map to make sure each scene and chapter has a purpose and that all the plot points hang together nicely.  

~watching~

First Reformed--excellent film, although the ending is kind of bonkers.  I wish there were more films like this that were really grappling with what it is to have faith, especially in our current age.  It's interesting to me that Paul Schrader is the guy asking these questions.  I thought Ethan Hawke's performance was great.  My only quibble (aside from the ending) is that someone did not do their homework about the Reformed Church.  No Reformed pastor is going to wear a clerical collar, and he certainly wouldn't wear an alb in the service.  And communion doesn't look like that.  I think someone was trying to make it look Anglican.  Which is fine, except the church is clearly Reformed!

Also watched Wings of Desire, which was a slow film, but worth it.  Lots of existential questions there.  I think I still prefer City of Angels, which is based on Wings of Desire, but they are both good.

There is a foreign mini series on Amazon that I recommend: Maximillian and Marie De Bourgone, which is about the late medieval period in Europe, and the conflicts between the Holy Roman Emperor, Burgundy, and France.  Fascinating to watch and extremely well done.

I think I mentioned Bodyguard on Netflix last month, but if not, watch it!  Richard Madden and Keely Hawes are so good in it.  It's also just been nominated for a bunch of awards, all well-deserved.

~listening~

Roman Hurko's Vespers album is wonderful.  I highly recommend it.  My secular playlist is a little sad right now, so I'm casting around for an album to refresh it a bit.  So far, no luck.

Linking with Ginny for Yarn Along!

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

I've written a fair bit about body image in this space, about the ways we look at our bodies, how we view our corporeal selves, how weight and life changes affect that view over time.  I've talked about cultural visual ideals, and how almost none of us can live up to the visual cultural ideal of our time.  The gap between what is presented as visually desirable (aka "normal") and what is real is very large.  I suspect that most of us struggle with body image because of this gap.

I'll be the first to say that I don't have the answer, or a little secret I'm going to let you in on that will help you feel better in your body.  I've gone through periods of profound discomfort in my skin--times where I would like to rip off the offending bits of myself--the parts that will never ever conform to what society says is beautiful and good.  Times when I can hardly stand to look at myself in the mirror.  I've also had times where I feel okay about my body--I can appreciate what it does for me, the quirks of my proportions, my freakish strength, my curly hair and never-tans skin.  I can have gratitude that I am here and moving and breathing.

This morning, I had a radical thought.  What if we could actually love the bits of ourselves that are "unlovely"?  Not just tolerate them, or learn to accept them, but really love them?  The parts we find most offensive about ourselves.  The bits of flab that are always going to be there, the thinning or gray hairs, or the chin hairs that need constant maintenance?  What if I can say to myself, this loose skin on my belly is worthy of love because it is fearfully and wonderfully made?  This thin hair on my head is worthy of love because it is fearfully and wonderfully made? 

What if I could say that I love the curve of my belly because it is feminine?  (Possibly the best line ever said by a man to a woman of a certain age: "I love your body because it is a proper woman's body.")  What if I could say that my rear aspect is fine as it is?  That those curves were made that way just for me?

What if I just stopped thinking so much about how my body doesn't measure up and just lived the measure of my body?  I've been thinking on and off about what Stasia says about inside-out congruency, and about the messaging I have in my head about my body.  Very little of that messaging is positive, and frankly, I'm tired of it.  So rather than spending so much emotional energy trying to tell that voice in my head to shut up, I think I'd rather devote my energy to directing the voice to a positive place.

So here's a start.  Repeat after me: My body is beautiful just as it is right now.  Not seven pounds lighter, not taller, not with a flat stomach or small bottom, thin biceps, or better hair.  Just as it is. 

Because this is my body, given to me by God, and it is fearfully and wonderfully made, I will learn to take care of this gift. 

Talking Tuesday: The Patience of Job

via Orthodox Monastery Icons, google images

Job has been on my mind the past couple of days, and how he continued to praise God in the midst of terrible, awful circumstances, and endured for much longer than this season I've been in.  And then God showered blessings upon blessings on Job.  Job continued to praise God in the midst of his blessings, too, which I think is something many of us forget to do.  (I know I do).  When times are tough, it is easy to remember to pray, but when things are going along relatively well, it is easy to forget Him.  Perhaps creating the discipline of prayer in hard times is what conditions our soul to continue to pray during more peaceful times.

I confess, it has been a long time since there has been a truly peaceful season in my life, and I keep hoping for one to come along.  My prayers sometimes seem to fall on deaf ears, but I keep praying because the need is so great, and my spirit is so thirsty.  If this discipline of prayer and watchfulness is training my soul to stay mindful of God, then it is all for the good.  I do find myself impatient to be through this fiery furnace, to cool waters on the other side, but I am also curious to see what will be forged from this fire. 

This season has been a season of great interior change--of expansion, a great tilling of soil.  That process has been quite painful at times.  In my quieter moments, I can see that things are somewhat better than they were even six months ago, and that all this digging deep with the children is producing some fruit, both in them and in me, but there are still a lot of days that feel Sisyphean.  And maybe that is just life.  The way it goes--a little bit forward, a little bit back, some days worse, some days better. 

At some point, you get enough of the way down the road to look behind you and see how far you've come, but I think I'm not there yet.