Rewind

I almost can't believe it is Palm Sunday already.  (We in the East are a week behind this year).  The kids and I have been passing around a respiratory infection during spring break, so it has been a low-key week for us.  Birdie's infection developed into pneumonia mid-week, so I'm keeping her home from church this morning.  We'll stream the service from our cathedral in DC so at least we get the flavor of the day.  I've missed a number of Sunday services this Lent because of my own or my kids' illness, but that is okay.  To everything a season.  I'm grateful to have streaming options for times like these.  

We also received most excellent news this past week: my dad's cancer is in remission! Thank God!! He still has a long way to complete healing and recovery, and he'll need to be checked every few months for a while, but we'll take it. That said, even after recovery, he won't be going back to work as chief pharmacist at the hospital again, so his semi-retirement of September turned rather abruptly into a full retirement when everything happened last October. So we'll see what God has in store for him in this next season and will trust in His provision.  Thanks to everyone who has prayed, given financial support, brought meals, etc.  It has been such a help and blessing.

A dear friend of our family is also going through cancer treatment at the moment and I decided to make her a lap quilt.  My dad used his birthday quilt so much when he was in the hospital and during his recovery at home that I thought it might be a useful thing for her.  I had bought a couple of charm packs from the Moda Songbook fabric line and made up a simple patchwork quilt with some small sashing around the edges.  The backing and binding was from the same line of fabric.  The hardest part was figuring out the best arrangement of blocks!

I found a walking foot that fit my Bernina and quilted in diagonals, which was fun and satisfying.  I found the whole process of this quilt quite fun, actually.  My only complaint is that the walking foot is really hard on needles, and I had to change mine several times during the quilting process, but the result was so even and nice that it was worth it.  I have several more patchwork lap quilts in mind for both my home and as a gift or two.   

I finished several books lately.  Kristin Lavransdatter has been on my nightstand for a year now, and I finally finished the beast.  Fittingly, I started it last Lent, and finished it at the end of this one.  The last 50 pages were really beautiful, and I'm glad I read it, but I don't think I'll be revisiting the story any time soon.  (I know, I know.  I'm a terrible person.  Hopefully we can still be friends?)

I finished Martin Malia's The Soviet Tragedy after poking through it for several months and found it a very good and informative read.  Malia gave me a different perspective on Khrushchev that I appreciate very much.   It's also interesting to integrate Malia's work with Slezkine's, as they approach the same material with quite different frames, but both have important contributions toward understanding the period.

From there, I re-read Sana Krasikov's The Patriots, which is about the American emigration to the USSR during the Great Depression.  I noticed in her notes that she relied on a monograph called The Forsaken for parts of the story, and decided to run that book down.  It was an extremely engaging and informative read, although parts of the story are hard to take in and some are just plain infuriating.  (If you've seen Mr. Jones, the unconscionable Walter Duranty makes more than one appearance in Tzouliadis' book).  After that, I wanted to read more Krasikov, so read her first book of short stories called One More Year.  Each chapter is about a different post-Soviet immigrant.  Even though the book tends toward black humor, it was an informative window into the post-Soviet experience.

Somewhere in there, I also read The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society and enjoyed it very much. I loved the epistolary format, and wanted to read something similar, and found Letters from Skye, by Jessica Brockmole, which I started last night. I can hardly put it down, and am enjoying it almost as much. I also decided to re-read Dead Souls, which is a hilarious romp through the 19th century Russian countryside. Gogol was a comic genius.

Finally, I've been reading Pride and Prejudice aloud to the girls at bedtime for the past month or so, and we finished it this week in a marathon read-aloud on Friday during lunchtime.  We watched the BBC version with Jennifer Ehle and Colin Firth over several viewings this past week while the boys were occupied with a different show.  I also want to show them the 2005 movie version because I like both for different reasons.  The BBC version is extremely faithful to the book, but there is something about the condensed 2005 version that just grows on you.  I happen to like Matthew McFayden very much, and enjoyed his take on Mr. Darcy.   

We just started Persuasion, and I look forward to showing them the film version with Sally Hawkins and Rupert Penry-Jones when we've finished the book.  So much Austen, so little time!  I feel as though I'm getting a great books education right alongside my kids and it is fabulous.  

Life in Squares

Went to visit my parents this past weekend.  It was a bit hard to manage the kids' emotions from afar, but we got through it.  It was a great visit, and I'm so glad I got to go. My dad looks better than he did in November; we even took a short walk on Monday afternoon!  

I've spent the rest of this week trying to catch up and manage my anemia-fatigue.  We are sliding inexorably toward Lent, and I'm trying to get ready.  After two bouts of covid, (including long-covid symptoms), the edges of my capacity are always finite and visible.  

Rustbelt

Grief is a funny thing.  It smacks into you with the force of a high speed train, but then lingers in the wreckage, a low pulsing underneath the debris, waiting to seep out into the light.  And it does seep, from time to time, taking over your being until the dust settles over it again. 

It takes a long time to clean up after a wreck. 

Things with my dad are not great right now; he developed a MRSA infection after a procedure and is on heavy-duty antibiotics and 4 liters of oxygen in an isolation unit.  His chemo is on hold until they can get the infection under control.  

My baby goddaughter and her parents are moving to faraway Texas this month, and today is probably the last time we'll see the family for some time.  My kids are all wrecked about it since they love her like a sister and are eager baby minders.  I'm so sad to lose this family from our parish I almost can't bear it.  

My sense of taste and smell is still off, almost two years after my C-19 infection, and I'm trying to make peace with the reality that it may never come back to normal.  It makes my already complicated food life that much more difficult. 

Wreckage.  Debris.  Dust.  

I was reminded this morning, however, that we should not place our hope in outcomes.  Our hope is the Lord's presence in the journey, not the destination.   So I will straighten my bowed shoulders, try to work out the kinks in my stress-knotted neck and back muscles, and hope in the journey.  Or try to, anyway.

 

I mentioned a few posts back that I finished my Mackworth sweater right before Thanksgiving.  This was my second attempt at colorwork, and I thoroughly enjoyed the yoke. My floats came out more even too; there is only a tiny bit of puckering in the first two charts.

I won't lie, the body was a bit tedious, and I spent many a swim lesson this summer slogging through the miles of stockinette in the round.  It is always tricky to get the body length right for my short torso--somewhere between 10-11" from the underarm is good, but even 1/2" too long or short and it looks odd. 

I'm very happy with the length and thrilled with the fit of it.  I think it blocked out at just over 10 inches.  My only complaint is that the amount of main color yarn needed was vastly overstated--I have 4.5 balls left.  Never fear, I'm sure I'll figure out something to do with them!

In my experience, that happens a lot with knitting patterns.  Kate Davies is the only designer I've found to consistently get the yardage estimation right across the sizes.   

As I wrote previously, this silky noil skirt is getting much more wear since I shortened it a bit.  I am very happy with the fit and sweep of it, and am glad to find it more or less works for chilly temps, as long as I pair it with wool tights.

Another maker that I follow wrote recently that the past two years have changed who she is so much that some of her previous makes no longer suit her, even though she finds herself in a much happier place overall.  She said there is a little bit of sadness in having to rediscover who she is with regard to her making. 

 

It's been a while since I did a complete wardrobe overhaul, but this fall has sort of put me there without my having set out to do so.  Some pieces I've been wearing for a long time just don't look or feel right on me this year.  Maybe they always looked off, but I felt good in them at the time.  Some makes or thrifted finds are coming to the end of their life span--the fabric is faded and starting to fray and crease, or it just looks tired.  

In a way, there is some relief in taking things out of my wardrobe that have been worn to pieces, don't fit, or make me feel nuts.  There is some satisfaction in wearing soft waistbands most days and feeling okay about it as a style choice.  It is lovely to finally have a knit top pattern that fits exactly the way I want it to, and I don't have to tuck it in for it to look nice.  I've discovered that my hot flashes are easier to manage if my tops are untucked and a bit less fitted, paired with easily removable layers. 

 

My body has changed (and continues to change as I am getting older), and how I move through the world has changed.  Mostly for the better, but there is still some dislocation in having to redefine the boundaries of the self.  Perhaps there always will be.  And perhaps it is silly to figure those things out through clothes, but that's where I live right now.  So be it. 

The dress equilvalent of a hug

 

Lately, I've been on a Spooks kick.  I watched the whole series about 10 years ago when it was on (all 10 seasons!) but wanted to revisit it, so I restarted the whole thing sometime in November.  It was a nice (if slightly paranoid) accompaniment to my stress sewing--ha!  It was also an interesting window into world politics over the past 20 years, since the show first aired in the wake of 9/11 and dove head first into current events.  

Things I learned from Spooks:

1. No character is safe, and the show runners are usually killed off after three seasons.

2.  If a female heads up Section D in MI-5, she dies in a season.  If a guy does it, he gets three seasons, but all his female colleagues will die in some heroic and horrible way during that time.

3.  Americans are the worst allies ever.

4.  Trust no one.

5.  Harry Pearse will always have your back because he knows where all the bodies are buried (literally!)

That said, Rupert Penry-Jones lasted longer than some (almost four seasons) and I love his Adam Carter. (Although, good grief, his character went through the absolute wringer).  So I've been watching some other work he's done in more recent years.  Whitechapel is a British police procedural.  In it, he plays an Detective Inspector in London's East End who suffers from OCD.  I enjoy the interplay of his character (DCI Chandler) and the more earthy Sargent Miles, played by Phil Davis to absolute perfection.  

I also watched a recent movie of his, Getting to Know You.  It's a quirky indie that is billed as a comedy, but I wouldn't describe it as such.  It's more complex than that.  I enjoyed it more than I thought I would, given the premise and the reviews.  The plot is a bit thin, but I really loved the texture and nuance that Penry-Jones and Natasha Little brought to the script.  And the ending was perfection.  

Moving on to the sewing portion of our program, I made a dress earlier this week.  The end.  

Just kidding. 

Shortly before Thanksgiving, Peggy at Sew House Seven had a sale that included fabric, and I couldn't resist the wool-cotton blend knit fabric that she used to make a Toaster sweater.  I bought a yard and a half, intending to make a Coco top from it, but when it arrived, I wondered if I couldn't get a whole Coco dress out of it.  

 

Turns out I could!  I had to go with 3/4 length sleeves, trim the sweep very slightly, and only add 2" of length (3" would have been better, but this is fine with heavy tights), but I squeaked it out!  I might go back and add extra long cuffs to make long sleeves, as I've had good luck with that mod on some Coco tops this week (pics to come). 

 

 

I made a size 4, which seems to be the right size for me overall, and sewed the shoulders and sleeve heads at 5/8" seam allowance as written, but made the sleeve/side seams 3/8" to give it some extra ease. 

I did simple turned hems on the neckline, cuffs, and hem, and like that very much.  The stitches really disappear into this thick fabric.

I'm struggling a bit with my body right now, feeling like a stranger in my skin.  I suppose it is my Nativity Fast podvig or something, but it is discouraging. 

The hives from the mask have turned into eczema, so I'm scratching everything from the neck up constantly and taking high doses of antihistamines and steroid cream.  Oy.  Still worth the trip to see my family, though, and I'd do it again tomorrow if I could.  Preferably with this dress in my suitcase.  

But this dress is so comfortable and soft and warm and such a nice addition to my cool weather closet.  Like adding a hug into my wardrobe somehow.  (And crucially, my husband loves it, so there's that).

*My dad is back in hospital following a post-bronchoscopy infection ahead of his third chemo treatment at Mayo.  The chemo has been pushed to next week.  He's stable on oxygen, although very tired from all the coughing. His latest scans are encouraging, however, and we continue to live in hope and prayer.  

That was inevitable...

You all knew this was going to happen, right?  That I couldn't leave it alone?  That I would fix the plaid matching on the sides of my flannel skirt?

Right.  I went (by myself!) to visit my parents over the Thanksgiving weekend.  It was the first time I've been away from my children for more than 24 hours, so that was kind of strange, but it was super fun and great to hang out with my family for 2 days without my kids, so there's that.  My sisters and I sang a couple of songs for my dad on Sunday night--not too badly for scant practice beforehand!  I'll spare you the video.  😉

The trip was SO worth the major hives I have on my face, scalp, and neck from the N95 mask I wore the whole time (probably some undisclosed latex).  I took the flannel skirt along and wore it but the misaligned sides really bugged me, and I figured it wouldn't take that much to fix it.  

I unpicked the sides and the waist facing and realigned it on the darker stripes (it's not perfectly symmetrical color-wise, but it is visually lined up, which is what I was going for).  I decided to cut a bemberg facing to reduce bulk on the waistline, and while I did accomplish that, I'm still undecided about whether I like it.  

Anyway, it didn't take that long to unpick and re-sew, and I only lost about an inch of depth on the pockets (which were deep to start with).  The skirt is slightly shorter, but I also kept the 1.5" hem, so if I wanted it longer, I could make the hem shallower.  All in all, a good fix!

The Cancer Train

For those who have been following along this past month or so, you'll know that my dad was diagnosed with cancer in mid-October.  He has stage four lymphoma, and there is a fist-size tumor wrapped around his bronchial tubes in one lung, cutting off his air on that side.  After spending a month in the hospital at Mayo (a Providential occurrence if ever there was one), he was finally discharged last week.  He's completed one round of chemotherapy and is due to start the next one today.  We are so grateful for the excellent medical team around him and for all the support and care we've all received.  

The first round of chemo started the process of breaking up the tumor, and he is off continuous oxygen now, although he remains extremely thin and weak.  My mom has been staying at a nearby hotel this whole time, and they are there together now while he completes this next round and stays for a few days to make sure there are no complications as there were last time.  

They hope to return home to Missouri at the end of this week.  He will have a total of six rounds, spaced roughly three weeks apart, and while he plans to return to Mayo for the next round of chemo in December, barring the weather, his medical team will continue to direct his care from afar, another great blessing.

My dad is semi-retired from a 45 year career as a pharmacist, and was working per diem at the psychiatric hospital where was he had been head of pharmacy when all this happened.  It is unclear whether he will be able to resume part time work any time soon, and there are substantial medical bills that will come due in the coming months.  My sister set up a GoFundMe account for my parents; I know these are difficult financial times for everyone, and the holidays are approaching, but we'd be most grateful for any assistance.  

And as long as I'm talking about my dad, I should show the shirt and quilt I made for his birthday in September.  He is often hot in the summertime, and I fixed a lightweight camp-style shirt he loves when I visited in July, but the fabric was really on its last legs.  And more importantly, my mother does not like the pattern on the shirt.

I decided to make him another shirt in the same style, out of handkerchief weight linen in a lovely pale minty green (called Meadow on the fabrics-store.com website).  I used Simplicity 9157 for the pattern, and found it mostly fine.  The packet I was able to find started at size 44, which was slightly bigger than I needed, so I graded to a 42, but otherwise made no changes.  (Although my dad has lost so much weight in the past month and a half, I'll probably need to alter it for him before next summer).  

My only complaint about the pattern is that the back of the collar is finished a little bit less neatly than I would have liked.  I've made this type of collar before, and there is more than one way to finish the edges.  

This one has you tack the front facings to the shoulder seams, and turn the inside edge of the back collar under and stitch in the ditch to secure. I tried to draft a back collar facing instead, but it just didn't lay nicely, so I gave up and finished according to the packet directions.  

I did flat-felled seams throughout, to mimic ready-to-wear, and used up the last little bit of lightweight fusible interfacing I had on hand for the button bands.  I had to piece the fusing significantly to make it work, but I was on a deadline and didn't have time to wait for additional interfacing to arrive.  

The buttons are vintage from my stash, and were the ones that looked the best.  I like the contrast.

The quilt is just a simple panel quilt with a fishing theme, done in free-hand stitching on my machine.  I noticed a note from my gram in the manual about using the darning foot/setting for free hand quilting, which I never would have thought to do, so thank you Grandma!  (I have her machine, and the manual is full of her notes and stitch swatches--so handy!)  

It was the first time I used that feature on my machine, so I was trying to learn control with the stitching, but the end result looks like tangled fishing line, which I quite like, and fits the theme.  More importantly, my dad liked it, and that is what counts!

Gofundme here.

On making

I've been thinking lately about why I make things.  Mostly it is is utilitarian--I make clothes or quilts.  But it is more than that.  There is an intersection of sacred time and sacred space that needs to be expressed as physical beauty in everyday life.  I think occupying in that cosmic space is why traditional societies decorate their clothes and homes with patterns and designs that are beautiful and symbolic for their own sake, not for any utilitarian value the decoration brings.  There is an important spiritual orientation in the making.

with my French terry rose Elemental skirt

I often struggle with guilt over my making, since I do make more than I technically need.  And there is a drum beat in my head about the environmental cost of absolutely everything I do.  That drum beat is fairly unhealthy, I realize, and I'm trying to find balance between saving everything and throwing it all away , but it is hard.  The past few weeks have been a flurry of making on an order unsurpassed, and I realize it is coming from a place of distress, from the need to keep busy to keep my mind from running away with me about my dad.  I wake up in the morning and I think, what useless thing will I sew today?   But I try to remind myself that there is value in the act of making itself, in the creation of something beautiful, even if the thing isn't perfect.

The need to make is an itch that is hard to scratch in other ways. Artists have long made things simply for the beauty of the created thing--be it a painting or a sculpture or whathaveyou, and there is not inherent utility in the finished piece beyond the beauty it may bring to the world. 

I've been re-reading the Throne of Glass series the last few weeks (I read all seven books in a big gulp last fall, and while I wanted to take my time this go-round, I seem to be gulping them down again...but I digress). In the fantasy series, the characters who have magic have to release it in small amounts every day to keep it from building up in them and becoming unmanageable. The urge to create feels a bit like that to me.

Anyway, enough about that.  I made this Remy Raglan over the summer, intending to save it for the fall, since the fabric is a wee bit too heavy for summer.  It is the same fabric as one of Peggy's samples, and I don't mind being a lemming one bit in this instance.  

I love this blouse so much.  The fabric was a splurge for me, but it was worth the cost too.  I ended up finding the same fabric on sale this fall and bought enough for a skirt as well, not to wear these together, but just to have more this squish in my closet.  (I'll show the skirt soon; it is delightful).  I made the shirt specifically to go with my mustard cord skirt, as I have a sweater near this color that I love to wear with this skirt, but the sweater is too heavy to wear in these shoulder months.  

Wind tunnel!

I made a straight size 8 as usual, but fiddled with the length again, as my original cropped length feels a tiny bit too short.  I originally took off 2 1/4" from the pattern length, but am adding back in 1" now, and that seems to be about right when I do a bias bound hem.  

I've gotten the hang of making my own bias now, and if I can spare the fabric, I usually do that.  (I cut the bias as efficiently as possible, to preserve yardage, so it means I have a fair number of joins on any given piece, but I don't care).  

The drape of this silky noil is perfect for this top, and it is so light and comfortable against my skin, a plus for my hot flashy perimenopausal self.  (Also, can I just point out that Google's spell check writers apparently doesn't know what perimenopausal means, since it keeps flagging it with no suggested spellings?  Grr.)

Anyway, a happy make, combined with another happy make (or two), and good things all around.  Off to sew another Remy today in some seafoam-colored Brussels linen.  The only question is: should I go for the sleeve expansion pattern that is definitely Extra, and possibly not my style, or stick with what I like?  Make the button collar or keep it plain? Stay tuned for the answer!

*And about my dad.  He started chemotherapy yesterday, and will have a five day course before they consider sending him home.  The therapy course will take about six months to complete. The good news is that the histology reports came back with lymphoma instead of lung cancer.  Lymphoma is more treatable, so there is a chance he could come through this.  That said, the lymphoma is fairly advanced, so there's a long road ahead.  My dad has an excellent oncologist, and a great medical team around him, so the Lord continues to accompany us through this journey and we will continue to pray.  Thank you for all the notes and prayers--keep 'em coming!  Prayer does not change God, it changes us (C.S.Lewis).