7QT: Complainers Edition

--1--

This week has seriously kicked me in the patootie, so I think these takes are going to be pretty disjointed.  Piglet was home from school on Monday for President's Day, then again on Tuesday because he coughed all night and woke up "not feeling very well."  Turns out it was one of those "I felt bad when I first woke up, but got my second wind around 10:30 a.m." type illnesses.  No one napped on Tuesday, and the boys were crazy-bouncing-off-the-ceiling by dinnertime, so it was fun times around here.  (I've pretty much lost all my will to cook this week).  He is still coughing terribly, but with his tracheomalacia, any respiratory thing like a mild cold gets him into a cough cycle that is tough to break.  He does sound better today, though, and didn't cough as much last night, so perhaps he is over the worst of it.

--2--

My husband has managed to forget Piglet's lunch box TWICE this week.  (The whole absent-minded professor gig is sort of wearing thin).  The first day, he didn't even realize he'd forgotten it, and when I noticed the lunch box was still sitting in the kitchen, I was able to run it down to the school easily enough, but when he called me today to say he forgot it again, it just wasn't going to work.  I have a limited amount that I can walk every day because of pregnancy-related pelvic floor issues, and I had a bunch of other errands to run that were in completely the opposite direction, so I just couldn't fit in one more thing that would take me five city blocks out of the way on foot (plus the bus I was on doesn't really go by his school).  My husband ended up running to Trader Joe's (which is about a block from the school) and getting something for him there.  Parents of the year awards right over here.

--3--

Boo has not napped all week and I'm starting to lose my mind.  That is all.

--4--

Birdie is sick again.  Not sure how serious it will end up being, as we are on day 1.5 ish, but she is definitely under the weather.  Low grade fever, cranky, crying a lot over dumb stuff, up most of the night, coughing a bit, clingy, poor appetite, the whole bit.  Probably just a cold + teething fun, but I'm starting to feel suffocated.  (I know, I should enjoy the cuddles wherever I can get them, since she is the opposite of cuddly and can hardly stand to be held in arms, much less snuggled up on my shoulder, but I have my limits--sometimes you just want to go to the bathroom or answer the door without leaving a screaming child)

--5--

25 weeks tomorrow, and I seem to have popped in the last week or so.  I'm suddenly uncomfortable driving, sitting on the floor, holding children in my lap, lying on my side on the couch (because it slopes slightly inward and the angle kills my back), carrying children, going up and down all 47 of our stairs, etc.  I'm a little bit breathless all the time (although nothing like what I'm sure Jen is experiencing!), and the insomnia has hit me hard.  On the upside, this all happened just as we hired a high school student to walk Piglet home from school each day, and I have to say, it is fabulous.  I love not having to haul the two little kids out into the cold plus my own awkwardly preg-o self, and lessening the number transitions for Boo in the afternoon has been so nice.  It is absolutely worth every penny; I just hope she can continue on in the fall when Piglet and Boo will be at school together so I don't have to drag the nursing newborn + cranky toddler out of the house every afternoon to get on the bus.

--6--

I spent Monday and half of Tuesday reorganizing the office/guest room.  It is one of the two rooms in our house that has a proper closet, and we were utilizing the space badly.  We have two desks in the room, plus a queen size futon and a few book cases, and while I really like the room overall, I felt that we weren't using its storage well, and I was feeling like we didn't have enough places to go with everything, especially as we are trying to think about how to reorganize space to make room for the new baby.  My husband really just used his desk as a dumping space for papers and stuff he didn't have anywhere else to go with, and rarely went through the mountain that accumulated there (thank goodness it is a rolltop, so I could close it away!), and my desk has little storage and houses the desktop.  It has a big work table, which I use for my crafting, but I've never liked the arrangement of having my craft stuff in the closet right next to the desk because the door to the closet opens awkwardly in relation to the desk.  So we decided to free up the closet, move all my craft stuff to my husband's desk, move the fiction books that were on three shelves of the bookcase downstairs to the big living room bookcases (and double up on books there to make room), and use the bookcase shelves for craft storage overflow.  So far I am really liking the change!  Sometimes the most simple solution is the one that is staring you in the face.  The room just feels much more efficient now, and is more in line with how we actually use the space, rather than how we *thought* we'd use it.  I'm still shuffling small stuff around, getting things put away and so forth, but mostly it is all done.  I did overdo it a bit with all the lifting and carrying and book-moving, so I spent Wednesday and Thursday feeling like I'd been hit by a truck, but I'm feeling a bit more peppy today.  I also did some shifting around in the middle room, where the boys have their clothes and a few toys, and I'm much happier with that room now also!  We are slowly reclaiming our two closets!!

--7--

Thanks to everyone for the series suggestions!  I ended up starting on season one of White Collar.  I like it quite a bit, but not enough to want to watch more than one or two episodes at a go, so I guess that is a good thing--I can make it last longer!  I also read A.D. Miller's novel Snowdrops, which made me terribly nostalgic for Moscow, and cracked open Ken Follett's Pillars of the Earth.  I'm enjoying that one immensely, and looking forward to reading World Without End when I finish this one.  I have C.S. Lewis' Space Triology on order (I've read it twice already, but it is just so good, I want to have another go), and am generally feeling more happy about my book list.

Go see Jen for more Quick Takes!

Once more into the breech, dear friends

I've been (mostly) silent much of the fall and now going through the winter.  I have tons of things on my mind, but I've been thinking a lot about how much I share about my kids on the interwebs.  Even though much of what I share is about my daily life, my life is so inextricably bound up in their lives at this stage, that it is hard to talk about what is on my mind without sharing the struggles or challenges they are facing.  While it may not matter now while they are toddlers, perhaps in 15 or 20 years, it will matter.  (Or perhaps not; it is hard to know how privacy in the digital age is going to evolve, especially for our children's generation).  On the other hand, I gain a lot of solace and parenting tips from other mom bloggers who detail much of their children's daily lives in fairly intense detail. What I keep coming back to is the basic reason I started writing this blog: a friend asked me to write about the ways we were coping with raising a largish family in a small house in an urban setting.  While I still go round and round in my head about how much to say in a public space about the nitty gritty of our lives, I hope that what I share here is helpful to someone else, as mothering in the 21st century is such a disconnected, isolated affair.

I will say that I'm struggling with lots of things lately.  The chaos of three (soon to be four) small children, with all their various challenges, has intensified greatly of late.  I find myself waking up feeling that I've failed before I even get out of bed.  I keep thinking to myself, "I'm failing at this.  I'm a failure as a parent.  I don't know what I'm doing.  I don't know how to parent these children well."  I drag in the morning and drift through my days as a result.   Five years into this parenting gig, I find I'm not the parent I thought I would be.  I'm not the Crafty Pinterest Mom--I strongly dislike crafting with my kids while they are this young and I find the whole Martha Stewart approach to life exhausting.  I'm not the efficient domestic housewife I'd hoped to become--most days I'm happy that dinner is on the table and it usually didn't come out of a can or from the take-out guy.  I'm not homeschooling as we'd planned because our children have too many challenges for me to teach them at home.  I get frustrated, they get frustrated, no one learns.  I'm not even very good at supervising Piglet's homework.  (And I'm trained as an educator, for Pete's sake!  I went to graduate school and everything.  But then, I never intended to teach little people).  I'm nervous of how the dynamic of our household is going to change with the addition of another (probably high-needs/high-intensity) child.  I dread the whole fiasco that breastfeeding always is for me, and wonder how I'm going to juggle it all, especially for the first few months when I'm glued to a chair for eighteen hours a day with a nursing baby.

I'm struggling with body issues as I'm starting to put on the weight that comes with a 24 week pregnancy. I'm scared of gaining too much and then having to work so hard again to get it all off.  I'm struggling more with food as I'm hungry much of the time, but am easily put off by strong food smells (and hence drawn to simple carbs like cereal and bread).  My weight gain so far has been completely appropriate and even a little on the slow side, but after fighting so hard to get the weight off, and feeling like I had traversed a mountain of food-related issues to get there, to watch the scale going in the other direction is dispiriting. I do find myself sliding just a little into some bad habits, but I also find that I'm better able to pull myself back from the brink; managing my gastroparesis over the last year has taught me to pay more attention to my body's signals so I don't overindulge and feel terrible for days.  So I suppose that is something.  But I'm physically tired and mentally/emotionally discouraged, so I know that I'm in a vulnerable place to revisit bad habits.  Sometimes the effort to scale the food-issue mountain every day, on top of everything else, is so hard.

Preschool pick up is currently the bane of my daily existence, as it involves getting two cranky/tantrum-y children up from naps, getting out the door and down the mile to the school and back without losing my mind.  I'm too big now to wear Birdie (and have too many pelvic floor issues to carry her); she isn't steady enough on her feet to walk that far outside without falling down constantly, even if we take the bus part way, so we are taking a loads of cabs or driving, which involves lots of in-and-out of car seats in a short amount of time.  Plus the whole reparking hassle.  (On the upside: we are very close to hiring a high school student to walk Piglet home every day; if all her references come through and we can agree on terms, this small change will ease my daily routine considerably.)

While I don't actively worry so much about my children's physical health issues at this point, I do find myself waiting for the other shoe to drop much of the time.  Birdie is still quite prone to infection (she only narrowly avoided a hospital stay for pneumonia in December).  She still throws up at least once a week (usually in her bed, and almost always in the evening, which is just loads of fun), although overall she is doing better.  Piglet has the same airway issue as Birdie, and while he is doing much better now on medication, he too is prone to difficult respiratory illness. I avoid most play dates and group play situations because I'm always afraid Birdie will get something that will land her in the hospital.  (Plus Boo is at a pretty tough age for group play situations).  As most of the avenues for in-person socialization as a mom take place in these sorts of venues, I find myself in a pretty isolated place these days.

Church is fairly excruciating with Birdie because of her sensory issues.  She cannot bear to be confined for any length of time, has trouble eating enough in one go to be satisfied for very long, and the combination of an hour-long drive each way with a two hour service in a relatively small space is enough to drive me mad most weeks.  It is true that my husband spends more of the service chasing her around than I do, but we share the pain as best we can, and I almost always spend about 30 minutes in the car with her while she screams and has a fit.  Fortunately, the boys are finally at an age where they need less than constant supervision during the service.  I dread Sundays and keep her home from weekday services.  I went to a liturgy last weekend by myself for the first in time probably five years and it was just lovely.  The service seemed to fly by (even in Slavonic!) and I was able to be present in that moment in a way that has eluded me for years.  I realized then how long I've lived in the desert, how parched and wounded I am, and how much I long for a cool oasis and salve for my soul.

These days, I'm mostly just putting one foot in front of the other, doing what needs to be done, and reminding myself at the end of the day that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it. I'm trying to keep our lives as uncomplicated as possible and to keep my spirits up and my mind focused on present reality instead of on future possibility.  I'm finding a well-timed cup of instant hot cocoa does me a world of good.  In a certain way, while I dread Lent* for all the troubles that arise during the season, I also anticipate the opportunity to slow down, reset our routines, revisit the habits of mind and body, to refresh the soul, and to breathe in and out.

In the meantime, pray for me, a sinner.

*Orthodox do not begin Lent until March 18 this year.

7QT: Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow

 

 --1--

My parents were here last week for a visit, and it was just lovely.  We didn't do much because my dad still needs a hip replacement and can't walk much as a result, but that was actually just fine.  They played with the kids, we had some fun breakfasts/lunches out, my husband and I got to have a dinner out together, and we played cards in the evening.  Boo was so sad to say goodbye on Tuesday; he cried most pitifully as the cab pulled away, and I cried a little too.  Boo and I drowned our sorrows by watching Mary Poppins on amazon streaming.  My mom will come again when the baby is born, so that isn't so much longer.  I hate living so far away from my family.

--2--

Today is the Feast of the Meeting of the Lord in the Temple, and also marks the 12th anniversary of my being received into the Orthodox Church.  Sometimes it seems like it was just yesterday, and sometimes it seems another lifetime ago!

--3--

Birdie has figured out how to climb on the kitchen chairs; she can get up onto them by herself and then she dances on the seat while holding onto the chair back.  It is funny, cute, and annoying all at the same time.  That girl has no fear, I tell you.  She's twice the climber Boo was, and Boo was twice the climber that Piglet was.  I'm a little afraid of what this next child will bring, as we seem to be getting exponentially more fearless with each child.

--4--

I need a new book to read.  I'm saving two Ken Follett books for hospital reading (although perhaps I should just read them now since I'm so bereft of reading material), and I'm not that excited by anything else in my stack right now.  (Wolf Hall was a slow read, and I'm not super eager to crack Bring Up the Bodies just yet).  I'm still waiting on the next installment of the Outlander series, but Ms. Gabaldon isn't a particularly Speedy Writer, and her Big Books take several years to complete, so I think it will be a while.  When I don't have a book to read, I feel all out of sorts.  I wander around the house aimlessly, and can't settle to things.  It is a very sorry state of affairs.  Especially when one is surrounded by books!  But honestly, it isn't like one wants to pick up Cancer Ward on a whim, if you know what I mean?  I should probably just plumb my amazon wish list and order something.  I've been reading complete pulp on my Kindle app for ipod, and I'm feeling dumber by the minute.

--5--

In the same vein, I need something new to watch.  I'm down to two network shows that I care to keep up with (CSI and CSI: NY), and while my husband and I are slooowly working through Downton Abbey (Season TWO!) and The Wire, his leisure time is very limited.  I need a new (or new to me) series just for me.  I've started watching a few things on Netflix, but can't find something that really grabs me like Spooks, Alias, The Tudors, or some of the other shows I've enjoyed in the last few years.  I lost interest in Mad Men half way through season three.  I have zero interest in reality shows and limited tolerance for sitcoms.  My husband wants to watch House of Cards once we get through DA and The Wire, but I think that will be a while.

Update: I tried White Collar this afternoon (after seeing one or two episodes last year when visiting my parents) and I think I'm hooked!  Yay for new series!!

--6--

One of the few pieces of separates left.

I'm officially at the annoying stage of pregnancy where almost none of my vintage-style "regular" clothes fit, and I'm struggling to make my maternity wardrobe fit my new style.  Most of my separates are made for a fitted silhouette and my waist is gone. I've adapted a few shirts and one elastic-waisted skirt to work for now, but I'm basically cycling through a handful of dresses and relying on vintage hair styles and accessories for effect.  Oh well.  Less is more, right?  Thankfully, I received a bunch of new-to-me brooches and earrings for Christmas, so I have lots of accessories to play around with!

--7--

This card is inspired by a dress that Birdie wore in the fall--I loved the pattern and the colors of it, and the florals reminded me so much of Summer Silhouettes, I had to try a card based on the dress.  I'm not 100% happy with the way it came out, but I like the concept and may have another go at it again later.

Happy Valentine's Day!

These are the valentines I made for my son's preschool.   In an effort to stem the V-Day candy tide (it is worse than Halloween, I swear!), I decided to include cute little mushroom erasers for everyone.  My son is good at signing his name, but I figured with 37 to sign, he would run out of steam, so I just signed them all for him.

I used our notecards and matching envelopes (the perfect size for valentines!).  Used the Big Shot to dry emboss the hearts line, and then punched the hearts, attached to dimensionals, stamped the sentiment and done!  Since I had to make so many, and because I still have quite a few days of not feeling very well, I just wanted to get these done and have them be easy.  I really like the slightly smaller format, and will probably play around with notecards more in the future!

Since we are on the Old (Julian) Calendar, Valentine's Day always falls on the eve of The Meeting in the Temple (or Candlemas, for the Western liturgical readers out there), so my husband and I celebrated with a dinner out on Monday.

(And just because I can--my submission to the Eastern Orthodox Ryan Gosling FB page):

Comfort Cafe

Today I have a little card parade for you--this one features the lovely designer series paper, Comfort Cafe.  I think this was my favorite pack of paper in the annual catalog this year--it was hard to choose which sides of each page to use, I liked them all!  I did use about 1/3 of the pack making gift packaging for teacher gifts at Christmas (and neglected to photograph in the busyness of the season), but these are the cards I made with the rest.  Some are straight CASEs, some are original, some are tweaks of other things I saw on various blogs.

 I made several of these with leftover scraps.

 This one is all me.  It was a little tricky to photograph, but it is very pretty in person.

 This card is a good example of how changing a color scheme can really change the way a card looks.  I originally CASEd this card from the annual catalog, and I loved the layout and the boots so much, I just had to use it again. 

This is based on a 3D project I saw in the annual catalog--I love the clean lines, and masculine simplicity of it.

This card is a straight CASE from Jenny Peterson.  (She posted it 6/24/12--for some reason, I can't get the link to go directly to her card). This card made me like Summer Starfruit!

No Quick Takes this week, as my family is visiting!  See you next week!

7QT: Chocolate Chip Cookie Edition

Edited: Okay, seriously people.  Enough with the Downton Abbey Season Three spoilers.  Some of us are still working on Season Two!!  Don't make me block you. :)

--1--

For today's Quick Takes, I present to you the Definitive Chocolate Chip Cookie Edition.  When I was in junior high, I had to take a required home economics class (because I went to junior high in rural Missouri, ya'll, and that's how they roll).  One of the skills we were required to master learn was baking.  Our teacher gave us a chocolate chip cookie recipe, and we had to learn how to read it, how to measure the ingredients properly, mix, bake, clean up, and so forth.  Then we had to make up our own recipe and bake it.  I thought that chocolate chip cookie recipe was just the best, and have been making it ever since.  For years, I zealously guarded the sheet of notebook paper that the recipe was written on in my slightly blocky pre-teen handwriting, as I was afraid that I would be in some freak accident and lose my memory and then the recipe would be lost forever. I had this idea that the recipe came from some wonderful old place, like my teacher's family recipe book.  Imagine my surprise a few years ago when I realized it was in fact, the Nestle Toll House recipe.  (Okay, you can climb down from that pedestal now, Mrs. M).  

--2--

No matter.  I still think it is the gold standard for chocolate chip cookies when made properly.  I know there are many who will disagree, and have the recipes to prove it, but this recipe has always come through for me.  My aunt has a very good cookie recipe that calls for oil with the butter, and a seriously delightful crunchy chocolatey cookie goodness results, but only when she makes them.  I've never been able to replicate it.  The trick to great Toll House cookies, I've found is in the baking.  Cookie perfection is baking in a 375 degree oven for precisely 10 minutes (I always use the oven timer), then take the sheets out and leave the cookies on the sheets for precisely 2 minutes.  Then place on a wire rack to cool.  That extra two minutes on the baking sheets is the key, I've found.  It produces the perfect ratio of crunchy-to-chewy cookie and the browning is quite even on the top.  

--3--

Another quick tip?  I've also found that homemade chocolate chip cookies go stale VERY quickly.  (I know, the solution is to eat more cookies!) But if you don't want to find yourself gaining 20 pounds in 2 days over cookie consumption, I like to bake smaller batches so that each cookie is very fresh.  There are two ways to go about this.  Either make half a recipe or make a whole recipe and freeze half the dough.  If I'm freezing half the dough. I make up two pans of cookies (24 total), then I take the rest of the dough, roll it into a log with my hands, and then wrap with saran wrap.  Freeze and you're done!  (That way if you want a single cookie or two, you can thaw the log for a few minutes, slice off some circles of dough and bake them in the toaster oven for fresh baked goodness.*

--4--

More chocolate chip cookie minutia: it is very easy to make the Toll House recipe vegan (and therefore fasting friendly).  Our priest is coming over tonight to bless the house, as we are in that short window of time between Theophany and Great Lent, and I needed a fasting-friendly dessert.  Substitute margarine for the butter, Ener-G egg replacer for the egg, and any dairy free chocolate chips for the Toll House version and voila, vegan chocolate chip cookie deliciousness. (Ghiardelli, Whole Foods, and Trader Joe's all make very good vegan semi-sweet chocolate chips)

--5--

A strange fact:  all of my labors have been preceded by an intense desire need to bake chocolate chip cookies.  Lots of chocolate chip cookies.  It's how I know the end is in sight.  I have always brought a bag to the birth suite with me, because I was told long ago that sweets are the best way to bribe a labor nurse. Plus, it is awfully nice to have cookies on the postpartum ward when they don't feed you at regular intervals (because apparently the very sick, and usually-not-eating patients take priority over the starving and healthy new mothers...but that is another discussion)

--6--

Speaking of labors. (TMI alert for the masculine readers of my blog: perhaps you might want to skip to #7) I've got this funny feeling that this next labor is going to be crazy fast.  Why do I think that, you ask?  Particularly since my last four labors have all lasted 2-3 days and, aside from the lightning fast transition/delivery part, have been excruciatingly long?  Well, let's just say my pelvic floor has been complaining a lot lately.  My pelvic floor and I have been on bad terms for years now, and child bearing has certainly made things worse, but things feel different this pregnancy--more bulgy or something.  I guess we'll just have to see what happens come late May or early June!  In any case, I'd just like to have one labor and delivery come in under 24 hours.  Just one.  I'm not asking too much, am I?

--7--

 

Annnd, a card.  This is an almost straight CASE of the catalog, and the primary reason that this set appealed to me.  I've had a lot of fun with it, though.  I like how the musical note paper from the Naturals Composition paper offsets the focal point.  I didn't have the exact sentiment they used, but I like mine better anyway--more versatile.  

 *For those of you out there (and you know who you are!) who end up eating half the cookie dough raw and baking the rest, I bite my thumb at you.  (Just kidding) My mother never let us eat anything with raw eggs in it when we were growing up, so I never got in the habit (and now don't really care for it raw anyway). Besides, why would you waste good cookie dough when you could be baking it into crunchy-chewy-melted-chocolatey goodness instead??

Go see Jen and the other Quick Takers!