STATurday: Bring it

It's been quite a while since I did one of these posts.  It's not because I haven't stopped trying to lose weight, but more because I stopped tracking my weight and measurements so often.  In truth, I've not really measured myself in over a year, and I try to only weigh myself twice a week or so.

So.  Stats.  I'm currently 2-3 pounds from my first goal.  I've got 15 pounds to go to my moonshot goal.  For those who've not been around for this long journey, I made a concerted effort to lose weight and get healthy in the summer of 2015.  I counted calories, started working out regularly, all that stuff.  I lost quite a bit of weight initially, in part because of all the drama with my throat and attendant swallowing issues, but things plateaued in the winter of 2015-16 as my swallowing issues got worse and my nutrition profile tanked.  

I lost no weight in 2016, and just fought with the same 8-10 pounds all year.  By the end of the Pascha season this year, I decided that I needed to get things in hand and get off the see-saw of weight loss/gain.  My throat issues had more or less stabilized by June, and the doctor had finally decided what dose of medication worked best to control my worst symptoms.  So after 2 years of endoscopies and dilations every 12 weeks or so, I had my last one in June and have figured out what I can and can't eat in terms of actually being able to swallow it down.  The answer: no bread, no meat that hasn't been ground, no apples with skin, nothing that forms a bolus on the way down.  But everything else is okay (excepting my food allergy list and the low-fiber requirements of my GI issues, which are extensive).

I started following a ketogenic/primal-ish diet approach at the end of May and that has been very good for me.  I no longer feel like I'm on a high-speed train to Diabetesville and I feel better overall.  My hunger cues are different and I don't struggle with hypoglycemia nearly as often (almost never, in fact).  I lost another 10 pounds or so this summer, so I'm down a total of 35 pounds since I started this journey.  I am actually having a hard time putting my body together with my head in the mirror.  Not only do I weigh less than any time in the past decade, the shape of my body is different.  It is a stranger to me.  

What I do know is that I've graded down my dress sloper in several places, and I'm making a size medium in my Everyday Skirt.  I've not made a pencil skirt lately, but I suspect I'd need to grade that one down again too, as almost all my old pencil skirts are too big at the moment.  I'm also buying smaller in ready-to-wear.  I bought the above denim pencil skirt from Land's End this summer in a size 12, but ended up buying another in a 10 in September after I realized how big on me it was.  The 10 is a good fit.  (Considering my crazy waist-to-hip ratio, I was shocked that it fit at all).  I should add that this skirt has a lot of lycra in it, so your mileage may vary.

A new Target Express opened near us last week, and I went in to check it out (and pick up a jacket I'd ordered) and noticed some "high rise" pants on one of the racks.  I liked the dark burgundy color and thought rise might actually be high.  I haven't really worn pants for almost a decade, except occasionally during pregnancy or for working out.  I made a couple of pairs that I never really liked the fit of (and my husband hated) and I tried a pair of ready-to-wear jeans that just never fit right.  I also just prefer dresses and skirts for daily wear.

But lately, I've been wanting to try some new things, branch out a bit.  Maybe (gasp!) wear a pair of pants once in a while.  But ready-to-wear pants are usually a disaster for me.  I have an extremely long rise, a short inseam, and a non-standard hip to waist ratio (14" rise, 27" inseam, 10" hip/waist ratio) and pants are particularly difficult for me to find.  I also have a fair bit of junk in my trunk.  For reference, most "high rise" pants have a 9-10" inseam, 32" inseam is standard, and 6-8" hip/waist ratio is standard.  Most pants slopers assume the wearer has a relatively flat bottom.

All that said, these pants are pretty good!  I bought a size 12. I could use another inch of height in the middle of the back waist band, but at least it doesn't gape in the back, so there's that.  I probably wouldn't wear anything tucked in with these.  I should add that these hit me right at the bottom of my belly button, so they aren't really high rise on me (more just above mid-rise) but almost everything is contained, and this is pretty good for me.  The inseam is great, but might be too short on taller gals.  I'm 5'5" but have an extremely short inseam and these hit me right at the ankle without bunching much.  

Otherwise, the fit is good, and I'm reasonably comfortable in them.  I'd even go so far as to say I feel kind of powerful in them.  (Do you ever have clothing that makes you feel powerful?  Maybe it's just me).

37

A year ago today, I joined the gym near my house as a birthday present to myself.  My weight was spiraling out of control, my health was going down hill, and I felt I needed some intervention fast.  I started logging my food on My Fitness Pal, checking in here every so often, taking measurements once or twice a month.

I went to the gym every day except Sundays for several months, working my way up to 4 miles run/walking, plus lifting weights a couple of times a week.  At the end of August, I had the first of five endoscopies to deal with all my swallowing troubles, but it was just the beginning of a long health slide downward.  I went to a soft thick diet sometime in September, and haven't really gotten off it.  If anything, my options have grown smaller and smaller.  These days, I'm managing only a handful of things, usually with difficulty and stress.

With my nutrition so severely compromised, I found by late October that I no longer had the energy to get up at 4:30 and be to the gym by 5:00 and run my 4 miles.  I was barely functional by the time I got home from school drop off.  I did try going back to the gym in the middle of the winter, but I was in the middle of a spinal virus relapse and my gross motor function was pretty bad at that point.  I slowly recovered from the relapse early this spring, but then Birdie was hospitalized and remained sick for a lot of the spring (as well as the other kids), so I had to put everything on hold for a few months.  I started back to the gym in late May, going every day for a couple of weeks, and then in early June, I had my fifth endoscopy with dilation, and I've not felt well enough to work out since.


As for stats, I have lost 25 pounds since last July, but I've more or less plateaued since January.  I've been gaining and losing the same 3-4 pounds since then, and my measurements have been more or less stable (I've lost around 17 inches).  What I wrote in January about it all still more or less applies.

I'm eating between 1600-1800 calories a day, depending on my activity level, but not really losing.  I had hoped to be at my first weight benchmark (27 pounds lost) long before now.  I'm really fighting for those two pounds.  I realize 25 pounds is a goodly amount, but since I've had little progress (and some regression) in the last six months, it doesn't feel particularly sweet at the moment.  Right now, I have about 12 pounds to go before I hit my goal weight, but I try not to think beyond the next couple of pounds or I get overwhelmed.

So, today.  I'm 37 years old today, have started the long slide to menopause, and am still struggling with eating on many levels.  Mostly, I've forgotten how to eat, and I'm not sure where to start re-learning how, as things are still pretty dicey with both swallowing and the gastroparesis issues.  I'm going to keep fighting, because in the long run, I think it will help me feel better, but I have my days where I just wonder why I'm working so hard.  It is my cross to bear, part of the ascesis of my life.

“So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.” (F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby)

Me-Made May, Week #4

Wearing: (left to right) Liberty #1 dress, Bluebird dress, Green Cookie Book dress, First Light dress, red twill skirt, Yardley's dress, Liberty #3 dress

The weird weather continues--I started out the week still needing tights and a light sweater, but by the week's end, we had popped into the low 90s and I'm suddenly pulling out my sandals and anti-chaffing gel!!  (That stuff is magical, by the way--I'm never going to have a thigh gap, and I don't care one way or the other, but I do care about friction rashes while walking in the heat, and since I don't want to wear tights year round, this has been a life-saver for me)

Only a few more days of Me-Made May to go!  Now that the weather has really heated up (we went from late winter to summer literally overnight), I'm eager to switch over to my summer rotation on Wednesday.  I keep going back and forth as to whether I have enough stuff for my summer, since I tend to sweat through my clothes more frequently, and thus need more frequent laundering, but I guess I can always whip up another Dottie Angel frock if I find myself short.  I'm aiming for about 27 garments per rotation, which seems to be about right for my needs and laundry cycle.

Some thoughts about clothes this week.  After the heat of the last three days, I think I can safely say that lawn will be a great fabric choice for the hot weather.  It is cool, thin, and has a nice feel against the skin, even in the drip.  The Liberty #1 dress continues to be a favorite, and I rediscovered my liking for the Green Cookie book dress this week as well.  I really love Cotton + Steel fabric, and am so eager for their Rifle Co. fabric collaboration to come out in August!  I had planned my sewing projects for the rest of the year, but I think I may have to work in a few dresses from that collection.

My Yardley's dress needs some attention.  I still think it is borderline as far as length, and am considering adding some lavender trim to the bottom to visually lengthen it a bit.  The fabric also is pulling a little under the arms and has developed some holes along the underarm seam.  It is fixable; I just need to take the time to do it.  I made this dress when I was still tweaking the shape of the armscye on my Dottie Angel sloper, and the early iterations didn't have enough of a curve on the underside of the sleeve, which makes it pull at the seam over time.   I've since fixed this (I'm hoping to write up something in June about all my changes) and it hasn't been a problem on the more recent dresses (except for the Pots and Pans dress-turned-blouse, but I think that was a function of old fabric being brittle, rather than the pattern shape)

I'm holding 3-4 pounds of water with the heat and my cycle, so I'm feeling a bit sloshy today; my legs and feet feel tight.  I went for a run on Wednesday and it felt really good to put on my sneakers and hit the pavement, but I'm really sore after not exercising for so many months!  I'm hoping to get to the gym this weekend, or possibly later today.  I've been eating a lot of salmon this week, and finding it to be a good thing for my system.  Unfortunately, it is kind of expensive, so I don't know how long I can keep it up, but I'm trying to experiment with different ways to keep my calorie counts reasonable, my blood sugar levels steady, and still feel like I'm actually eating during the day instead of having a liquid or mush diet.  Today I tried having Greek yogurt with honey for breakfast instead of my usual corn chex.  I find that the extra protein really does help me feel full longer, but I have a lot of trouble getting the yogurt down since it forms a bolus and kind of sticks in the webs in my throat.  As long as I take it slow and take small bites, it is okay.  It is not a food I can just gulp down and go.  (alas)  But that is progress, I think, so I'll take it.  I'm to have another endoscopy with dilation on the 6th, so perhaps that will help some as well.

I'm planning to wrap up both my spring rotation and Me-Made May on Tuesday, and will preview my summer rotation on Wednesday, God-willing.  I've finished Crawford's book, and am reading some really interesting stuff right now; I hope to discuss it in more detail soon.

Me Made May Week #3

Wearing (left to right): First Light dress, Liberty #3 dress, denim skirt, Liberty #3 dress, Return to Tokyo dress, denim skirt, Poppy Parade dress

The weather continues on its weird course this month.  I'm mostly wearing lighter sweaters and in the last day or two have put my tall boots away (again!) but am still wearing tights for at least half the day.  Today is supposed to be freakishly warm, but then it will drop back down to the 50s tomorrow.  

I'm trying to wear my hair down more lately--just for a change of pace.  I can't really stand to have hair on my neck once it is hot and my hair picks up a lot of static when I wear heavy sweaters in the winter, so I figure might as well get it in while I can!

I rediscovered that teal-blue cardigan this week and am glad I hung on to it.  It is ending up a great transition piece that I can wear with a dress or as a top.  I like the shape of it and there is a slight bit of texture to the fabric that makes it slightly interesting.  The color is pretty good on me too, I think, so there's that.  I've gotten a lot of compliments on the Liberty #3 dress, so I think it is a winner!  I feel good in that dress, as well as the First Light dress.  Both excellent late additions to my spring rotation.

I think one of the pressures I feel during Me-Made May is to wear something different each day, just so the photos don't get boring (I picked my dress this morning largely on that basis).  But that's just silly.  Most of us wear the same things all the time, and the point of Project 333 is to learn to work with less on a seasonal basis.  I'm not really one of those people who gets really creative with a small wardrobe and wears things in unexpected ways.  I tend to wear the same cardigans with the same dresses, same tops with the same skirts.  I suspect many women do the same.  That's okay.  I've been thinking more about why I do Project 333, and what my ultimate goals are with the project, and I hope to come up with something a little more coherent soon.

I don't really have much to say about this week.  I'm having a lot of bad food days--both from a too-many-calories perspective, and from a "I don't know what to eat anymore and my insides hurt" perspective.  I'm discouraged.  My food list is still about 5 foods and I'm tired of feeling sick from eating.  

I looked back over some reports from My Fitness Pal and I realized I have been gaining and losing the same 3-5 pounds every couple of weeks since the beginning of the new year.  I don't really feel very good about that.  I suppose it is better than gaining back everything I lost last year, but I still feel like I have such a long way to go, that it is hard to feel stuck.  I know that I should just buckle down and cut out another 300-500 calories per day, but with my diet being so severely restricted, particularly in regard to high volume/high fiber foods that help keep things steady, I'm just kind of lost as to how to do that, and still be functional as far as blood sugar goes.  

I started using Duolingo for Russian language this week.  I have been studying Russian since 1998, and would describe myself as functional, but not literate or particularly conversational.  I want to learn more, and I want to revisit some of my PhD research on the imagery of the Soviet Union. I downloaded a Cyrillic keyboard which helped a lot--I was super frustrated with the program when it was in Beta, because I found the it didn't really like transliterations that weren't precisely what had been programmed.  I probably should have been able to test out of some stuff, except for that little quirk.  I just decided to start at the beginning and go from there.  I'm worked for several hours yesterday before my brain fried and I'm hoping to get in some more practice this morning while my sitter is here.  Better get on with it before the morning is gone.

STATurday: Six Months

Six months ago, I went to my first appointment with a nutritionist who seemed like she could sort my dietary issues (which are numerous).  She was game to try, in any case.  I knew I needed to lose weight, get on top of my nutrition, and generally start making some changes.

I had a rocky start.

But at least it was a start.  A week later, I joined the gym and officially started on this crazy weight loss journey.  I had some modest success to start, and got into a good routine of working out, counting calories, and generally feeling good about the direction things were going.

Then, at the end of August, I had a routine endoscopy.  I have chronic dysphagia due to EoE, and it had gotten worse during the preceding months.  I hoped they would dilate my esophagus, which has helped a lot in the past.  That procedure sent me into a dark health tunnel that I think I'm only beginning to see daylight on.  Sometime in September, I moved to a soft thick diet that consisted primarily of Chex, cottage cheese, lite Swiss cheese slices, protein smoothies, Cream of Wheat, and the occasional mashed potato.  And dark chocolate, because it melts on the way down.  I had to watch my calorie intake very closely because it was easy to go over my daily limit on such foods.

Sometime in early November, I decided I had to stop working out because my nutritional profile was so poor and my fatigue so high.  My hair has been falling out again, and my skin and nails are terrible.  I still walk the boys to school most days, so I am getting some movement into my day, but I am no longer burning 1000 calories before 9:00 a.m. as before.

Since August, I've had several ER visits for food and medicine stuck in my throat, have aspirated a few pills, had some food impactions that I dealt with at home, a perforation scare, and had three more endoscopies, two with dilation.  A normal esophagus is 18 mm in diameter.  When we started the process of dilating it, in November, I was less than 8.  I'm now up to 15 mm, and am starting to eat a wider variety of foods again, but it has been a rocky road.

Eating and taking my daily medicines is a stressful experience for me. I'm now able to eat ground beef, and have had some modest successes with a few other foods, but I still have a lot of days where I can't face food getting stuck in my throat, so I go with what is now familiar and easy.  I also have a lot of days where food actually does still get stuck, so there's that.  And that is setting aside the allergy and digestive issues I have on top of all of this.  Most days, I just want to chuck it all out the window.

Needless to say, it has been a rough few months.  Today I went back to the gym.  It was the first day I felt I could manage it.  I decided to walk for two miles at 3.5 mph with 4.0 elevation, and stop at the end.  No pushing on, no seeing if I could run a few laps, just walking.  It was enough.  I had a 515 calorie burn, and I felt good after working out, but not destroyed for the rest of the day.  I'm quite tired today anyway, after a week of Birdie screaming/fussing every hour or two all night long, so I didn't want to push it.  We also just got word that my husband will argue another case before the Supreme Court this spring, so I know I have to pace myself for the next few months.

On to stats for today.  As of today, I'm down a total of 23 pounds, and 17.7 inches.  I'm wearing a medium on top and a large on the bottom in most brands now, and am ordering a whole size down at eShakti.  I've had to grade down my slopers and am sewing my Frankendress about a size smaller.  Some vintage pieces I thought would never fit again fit quite well now, and I've shrunk out of almost everything I made last year.  I still have about 12 pounds to my personal goal weight, but I'm within 5 pounds of the weight loss target that the trainer at the gym gave me in July.  I don't know how often I'll be getting to the gym, but I will keep moving as much as I can, staying active in my daily life, counting calories, and trying to improve my nutritional profile.

In short: I intend to keep on keeping on.

Yarn Along & STATurday: Finished Objects and Perfectionism

I'm a bit late to the Yarn Along party this week, but I just finished up my Ramona cardigan yesterday, and wanted to be able to show off something finished this week!  (I know, I didn't even blog about *starting* the Ramona cardigan.  Things have been kind of nuts here)

I'll start with STATurday, however, since it has been a while since I checked in about my weight loss progress.

First is the good news: I'm down 19 pounds since mid-July.  I'm actually shrinking out of clothing that was too tight in the spring.  I spent last Saturday taking in two skirts (and one of them is going to need to be taken in again soon), including the corduroy skirt I made less than two weeks ago.  I had to take both in about 2" on the side seams and I took in the waist of the cord skirt almost 4"!  I bought a wool Pendleton skirt on ebay that is two sizes smaller than my usual size.  It is slightly snug in the hips, but I think a few more pounds gone and it will fit just fine.

I've not actually taken my measurements for a while, but I think my clothing is a good metric of my losses.  I will be curious to see where I am when I do get out the measuring tape, however.

I can't really speak to my food life right now because the mess with my throat hit crisis proportions over the weekend, and I had to have another endoscopy (#3!) with dilation on Wednesday.  I have to have another one in about a month for the second stage of the dilation; until then, food is going down slowly, but at least I'm not having an impaction every other meal.  I'm still eating cautiously, however, and sticking to soft foods.  Needless to say, my appetite has taken a hit.  (Not a bad thing, just hard on my psyche--I worry about feeding tubes in my future)

As for my exercise, things have stalled out a bit.  I was getting into a good groove of running 6.0 mph every other lap for 3 miles, for a total of 38 minutes (I'm gunning for an 11 minute mile!), but this week, things just came to a standstill. Birdie has been sick for a while now, and she hit crisis over the weekend too, and ended up being home three days this week.  I was up all night with her on Sunday, and sleep deprivation really messes me up.  I didn't make it to the gym at all this week because I just couldn't drag myself out of bed before 5:00 a.m.  I did keep up walking the boys to school each day (2 miles round trip, plus an additional round trip on Wednesday because I couldn't drive after the dilation), so I felt that I was burning some calories anyway.  I'm trying not to let the perfect be the enemy of the good, but that is really hard for me.

Plus: a non-scale victory!  My actual wedding ring fits again.  I have a slender band in a bigger size that I bought when I was pregnant and have been wearing for the past several years, but I realized it was close to falling off all the time, so I tried my ring again and it fits great!

I'm trying to remember that this is a long game, and I need to pace myself.  I have four special needs children who are still very young, a busy husband who works long hours and my own health issues aren't going to go away.  I can't just snap my fingers and make everything work the way I want it to at the time I want it to.  And 19 pounds is nothing to sneeze at.  

(Keen-eyed viewers may recall that this chambray dress had a square neckline originally.  I liked it, but I didn't love the drag lines on the upper bodice, and I didn't like that I didn't have a single light weight cardigan that looked good with a square neckline, so I changed it to a u-neckline sometime in October.  I'm much happier with it now, as the new shape released the drag lines, and makes it much more versatile with my layering options).

On to my Ramona!  I loved willfulmina's version of the same, and immediately snapped up the pattern a few weeks ago.  I had ordered some merino worsted weight yarn from yarn.com that I decided would be perfect for the project.  It took a few gauge swatches, but I ended up knitting this on 10.5 circulars (I didn't size down for the cuffs and bands, but I sort of wish I had done the cuffs on 10s).  It was an incredibly fast knit.  I think I knit the whole body in less than a week (although I did go back and frog back about four inches, because the written length came out to a very unflattering place on my body.  *shakes fist at short waist*)  

I also frogged back an entire sleeve because I really despise working on dpns, and it was taking me forever to finish one sleeve because I hated the process so much.  I couldn't see doing it again on the second sleeve and still finishing this sweater before the end of the winter.  I ended up knitting them flat from the cap, and then seaming up the middle, which worked a charm and went very quickly.  The sleeves came out slightly too long (again with the short forearms!) but that is pretty normal for me in ready-to-wear.  I just turned back the cuffs once.  If I make this again (and I'm sure I will), I will omit the last round or two of decreases.  

I knit a 35.5" (S) size, because I'm finding that if I knit according to my full bust size (about 38" these days), I end up with a sweater that is way too big in the shoulders (this is what happened with the Almost Lady Gansey sweater I knit this summer.  I knit a size 40, but the shoulders just came out way too wide--the sleeve cap hit at a terrible spot on my upper arm.  I loved the color but ended up hating the fit and feel of it, so it ended up in a donation pile.  Remind me not to knit with acrylic yarn again).  I need to knit according to my upper bust, because then it fits fine in the shoulders.  Also: raglan sleeves are my friends.  I also prefer a slightly more fitted sweater, and often size down in ready-to-wear, so I think the same needs to apply to my own knitting.  

In any case, I'm pretty happy with this finished sweater.  The neckline is ever so slightly too wide, but I think that is a function of the raglans, and it doesn't bother me too much.  I used some random brown buttons I had bought on etsy a long time ago for something else, since I didn't have any green ones the right size that matched the yarn.  

I think the contrast is nice (and the buttons have a small amount of detail on the face that is interesting)  I do think I would change a few things for next time, but I will wear this one in any case.  The merino is very soft and warm (it suddenly turned quite cold!) and I really like the color.  It goes nicely with my fall and winter palettes.

Also: my boot search is complete!  Just in time too, as the heels on my Modcloth boots were almost flapping in the wind this week.  I sort of forget about Macy's as a place to check for this sort of thing, but they had the goods in the end.  

I got these boots on a great sale, and I'm so pleased with them.  The toe shape and heel height are perfect, they are real leather, they don't slouch around the ankles (I hate that!) and the shaft actually fits comfortably around the top of my calf.  (I got the regular width, and the buckle at the top can be adjust about 1/2", which was about right--my calves are about 15.5" around at the widest point).  I like the buckle detail, and I think that the sole is constructed in a way that could be resoled in the future if need be.  I wore them yesterday for the walking commute to school and I was totally comfortable.

As for reading, I just finished The Three Stations, one of the more recent Arkady Renko mysteries.  The pacing on this one was a bit slower than some of his other novels, and one of the plot lines was a real nail biter, but I'm happy with the way everything resolved.  I really enjoy the series and I love immersing myself in Russia every so often.  I think I have one more to read before I'm up to date.  I'm also continuing my background research about special ops for this character I'm developing.  

I finished season four of Person of Interest a week or two ago, and decided to start back over at the beginning again.  Like Alias, POI is even more enjoyable the second (or third!) time around because you can see things develop while knowing where it is going to end up.  There are details in the earlier seasons that make more sense in light of what happens at the end of season four.  I'm eager to see what happens this season.  I'm also watching Blindspot and The Blacklist this year.  I really loved Legends with Sean Bean, and am eager for season two (which is airing now, so will probably hit Netflix over the summer).  I keep meaning to pick up Homeland again, but after the dramatic conclusion of season three, I'm still kind of reeling from it.  I knew it was coming, I was prepared, but I need a bit more time before I jump back into that world.  

Linking up with Ginny for Yarn Along!

Just the facts:

Back to Basics Chambray dress: me-made, June 2015, modified October 2015

Ann Taylor brown knit shirt: ThredUp

Green Ramona cardigan: Valley Yarns Amherst in Jungle Green, Ramona cardigan from The Brown Stitch, random vintage brown plastic buttons from etsy

Holmes necklace: put together from findings on etsy

Earrings: bought in Ireland in 2010

Boots: b.o.c. Faye in Mahogany at Macy's

STATurday: Setbacks

These last two weeks have been a bit of a roller coaster.  The worst of the steroid withdrawal symptoms began to abate early this week; now I am more or less over it.  The ravenous hunger, the crazy hypoglycemic episodes all day, the muscle aches and extreme lethargy finally faded away.  It wasn't like I woke up one day and it was all gone, but every day got a little better until I noticed that I wasn't ravenous all day, and I hadn't had a hypoglycemic episode the day previous, etc. 

The other lingering side effect of the oral steroids I took at the end of September has been to totally kill my hormones.  My last cycle started August 31st, and since mid-September, nothing was happening.  Nothing at.all.  It was like my body had died below the waist.  It sort of concerned me, because I do have underlying hormone imbalances, and I just didn't know what was going on.  My hair has gotten even more patchy and thin this month, and my skin is brittle and extremely dry.  I figured it was related to the steroids, since everything changed around then, but I also figured that having anesthesia twice in a month's time wasn't doing my hormones any favors either.   I finally hit the mid-point of this cycle yesterday, to my great relief.   With the resumption of normalcy, however, is also the resumption of water retention and hormone craziness.  My fingers and legs are sausage-like today, my internal body temperature is all over the place, and I feel slightly nuts.  

As for the weight loss, well.  By Monday of this week, I'd lost several more pounds for a total loss of 18 pounds since the middle of July.  I was feeling pretty good, because I'd finally broken a threshold where I tend to plateau: the post-pregnancy weight I had for Piglet and Boo.  I had briefly gotten below that threshold in the late summer and fall of 2012, but then Ponchik was on her way, so I've never maintained anything below that weight in recent years.  But then I hit cycle midpoint, and began retaining water like it was going out of style, so I'm actually up 3 pounds since Wednesday.  Right back to that threshold number.  I am hoping that it is just water weight and will come off in a few days, because I've been working pretty hard to maintain a big calorie deficit in addition to being diligently active.

As for activity, last week, I started getting up very early to go to the gym.  I woke up around 4:15 a.m. one morning, and couldn't go back to sleep, so I figured I might as well hit the treadmill.  The gym opens at 5:00, so I got in a good workout, was home by 6:15, and decided that I would try to get up and be to the gym by the time it opened if I could manage it.  I also decided I would not set an alarm, so if I woke up on my own, I went.  I have trouble sleeping, so I've been getting up on my own around 4:45 most days.  We've had a challenging run of sleep with the girls these last two weeks.  Birdie has been waking multiple times per night, screaming with night terrors and coughing, and Ponchik has often been waking for the day between 3:00 and 4:00, so that has been difficult.  I've been trying to go to bed earlier to make up the difference, but I'm still running out of steam in the late afternoon.

As for my gym routine, I've been doing 3.5 miles on the treadmill, running every half mile or so, plus an extra lap at the 3.0 mile mark to make it a mile running, and fast walking hills on the in between laps.  I get a 650-675 calorie burn, and I'm not destroyed for the rest of the day.  I've also been walking the boys to school in the mornings with Ponchik on my back in the ERGO--a 2 mile round trip that burns around 350 calories. I've not been lifting at all, and I may hold off on weight lifting until things settle back into a better routine.  The girls have both been sick for weeks (I'm taking Birdie back to the doctor this morning because she sounds and looks terrible) and my sleep has been very interrupted.  

I logged about 22 miles last week and 26 miles this week.  On weekdays, I'm logging a 1000 calorie exercise deficit, in addition to the 500 calorie food deficit I'm trying to maintain, so I've had to eat back a few of my exercise calories just to stay functional, but I'm trying to keep my daily totals between 1800-1900 on those days.  Since I'm suddenly way less hungry again, I need to make some tweaks to my food and cut back a bit on the daily chocolate consumption.  I'm only two weeks into this new routine, so I'm sure it will take another week or so to work out the kinks.

My other issue is that of clothing--this particular round of Project 333 has been a challenge.  I've lost enough weight that several key pieces I selected for this rotation don't fit well, but I've not lost quite enough to go into the smaller stuff in the bin.  The weather has also been challenging, swinging from freezing to 80 degrees in the space of a day or two.  Some of the pieces I chose for my 33 are not really suitable for this sort of weather and I ended up swapping out several things for others that fit better, or suit the weather.  I know, I know.  #firstworldproblems

I'm not totally happy with this rotation yet.  I have two favorite skirts that are too big (and one of them is wearing badly after being in heavy rotation last winter), but I'm reluctant to take them in as my shape is changing quickly enough that I might have to do it again in a month or two.  I'd rather wait and do it once.  The burgundy skirt continues to fit oddly, and I'm contemplating what to do about it--I may take it apart and recut it as a straight skirt.  My dresses are forgiving enough that they mostly work, but at least three of them will need to be taken in or adjusted soon.  So I'm actually down to about 25 wearable pieces, including cardigans, which feels kind of lean.  I recently acquired enough vintage feedsack to make a dress; I was saving it for the spring, but I may make it up just to have another piece of clothing in the rotation right now.

My shoes are also a problem--I bought the boots in the pics above second-hand on ebay, thinking they would be a great addition to my fall wardrobe, but after three weeks of daily walking, the soles are starting to chunk away at the back.  The leather uppers are great (they are Clarks) but the soles are rubber and glued on, so no help for it.  Plus the boots are a little bit big, and I think the style doesn't do my short calves any favors.  I also noticed that my favorite brown lace up boots are starting to come apart near the soles and the heels are cracked again in a less-fixable place.  I've had them resoled once (at the cost of the boots!), but I don't think they can be saved a second time.  I'm bummed, as they are my favorite boots by far.  I've tried on and returned many pairs of boots this fall, in an effort to find a second pair of boots.  City walking is really hard on footwear, and it is helpful to have a couple of pairs of shoes or boots to rotate between to save the soles a bit.  I've had shoes literally disintegrate on my feet as I walked in the city, so I'm pretty attentive to the condition of my shoes.  I just wish there was a better guarantee of quality, and a better way to gauge it, because price really doesn't tell you much about the construction.  I find there isn't much difference between a $50 pair and a $100 pair in terms of quality, construction, and repairability.  I'm reluctant to spend more than that, as I don't think the quality or repairability increases as the price goes up.

In the end, I decided that less is more.  I found a pair of Naturalizer boots on ebay for a decent price yesterday, and while I don't love the look of them, I think they will be functional enough, and when the lace ups fall apart, I'll wear the Naturalizers until they fall apart.  I guess I don't need two pairs right now.  I'm trying to take that tack with my closet as well--I think that is the lesson of Project 333 anyway.  I'll write more on the subject another day.

In any case, I'm going to keep on keeping on--I'm still excited about this weight loss journey, eager to see where it takes me.  Even though I've had some set-backs and plateaus lately, I know they are temporary, and as long as I'm doing what I need to be doing every day, the weight will come off eventually.  15 pounds is nothing to sneeze at (and really, it might be closer to 18 anyway...water weight is so tricky)

Onward!

STATurday: Baby steps

It is a moral failing of mine that I have trouble making myself go back and fix things once I've made them.  I dislike trying to refit garments after they are finished.  I'm terrible at upcycling fabric.  So it was that when I realized sometime yesterday that the burgundy twill skirt was, in fact, several inches too big around the waist, and that the darts in the back were all wrong, I really had to gird my loins to take apart the back waist band this morning.  The photos convinced me of the weird fit around the waist and hips, however, and my own sense that the skirt just didn't feel right all day yesterday.  

So I sighed, pulled out my seam ripper and went to work.  I started out adding a second set of darts alongside the first, as that has worked in the past, but it looked weird and bulky.  So I took that all out, and redid the darts all together.  I used my fitting for the navy skirt and rayon dress as a guide.  I ended up taking nearly an inch and a half out of the waistband, and making the darts closer together than they were.  I'm happier with the fit now--it is closer than before (I may possibly have over-fitted the waist band slightly, but given how quickly my measurements around the middle are changing, and the fact that I just finished a course of oral steroids, I'm going to leave it).  

Speaking of measurements, I got out the tape measure this morning and took some, so I have a report to make.  Somehow, I was expecting more of a change from the middle of the month.  I've had some drama with my throat the last two weeks, and had to have another endoscopy earlier this week, and my calorie intake has been affected rather severely as a result.  I have two ulcers in my throat where a pill got stuck earlier this month, so I have to figure out how best to manage that for the moment.

So the report: I've lost a few pounds, but not so many inches.  I'm down a total of 16 pounds from July 15 as of this morning, and have lost another 1/2" off hips and thighs, plus a smidge off my biceps.  My BMI just dropped a point as well, so I'm happy about that.  I "feel" thinner, so I guess that is something??

I've not been working out as regularly these last few weeks, in part because I was getting a lot of exercise in during my daily routine (hello, 11 miles on foot for school routes last week!), but also because I've not been feeling all that great this month.  The Papal visit really messed up our routine for more than two weeks, so I'm hoping that things will settle back in this coming week.  I'm also planning to keep on walking the boys to school in the morning when it works out weather-wise, because that is two miles for free and it really doesn't take that long.  It is harder to do the pick up on foot in the afternoon because of having to get Birdie on the other end of town, but mornings should work for a while anyway.  It is good for the boys to get some wiggles out on the way to school too, I think.

As for food, not much has changed.  I'm portioning my meals and calculating the calorie load using the recipe and food calculator in My Fitness Pal.  I'm logging all my food over there as well.  I did have to go off cottage cheese for about a week with all the throat stuff, but that seems better now.  I've learned that I really can't trust my body's signals with regard to hunger and satiety, so I have to go by the numbers instead.

This is a long process, and there are going to be health issues, set backs, oral steroids, and hormone fluctuations.  Kids will get sick, I will get sick, my husband is busy or will be travelling, exercise won't happen.  I can, however, choose to be mindful about my calorie intake, keep track, stay on track.  

Stay the course!

STATurday: Milestones

I think it is time for another check in--I feel like I've hit a kind of milestone, so I thought it might be worth noting down.

First off: stats.  I'm down 13 pounds since mid-July, and about 12", mostly between my waist and hips (almost 4" off each, plus a bit off arms, bust, and thighs)  I'm half way to the weight loss target I was given by the trainer at the gym (although not to my own personal goal weight).  I'm basically back to where I was at the end of the summer in 2012.  I lost about 8 pounds that fall (while unknowingly in my first trimester with Ponchik!) and felt really good about things then.  Losing another 13 would put me close to where I was when I got married.  So it feels like a way station.

The most notable thing about these last couple of weeks is that I've been pretty sick with a lung infection, so I've not been able to work out as much as I was.  I had to take nearly a week off from the gym during the most acute phase of the illness, during the first week of September, and am still dealing with a fair amount of lingering fatigue and lung junk.  I'm on antibiotics now, and I think Thursday was the first day I didn't feel like death come supper time.  So perhaps I've turned a corner on the illness.  I was pretty washed out again yesterday morning, so took the day off, but I'm going to go again this morning.  I'm only going to clock about 7 miles on the treadmill this week (I went once earlier this week and will do another 3 today, God-willing) 4 miles this week because I've been felled by another sneaky virus, but I am trying to do a more active-recovery style workout when I do go.  I'm not lifting until my lungs are totally clear.  I'll get back to my routine soon, I hope.

As for food, I'm trying to stick to my 1670 daily calorie target, trying to eat high protein meals, and staying out of the kitchen in the evenings, for the most part.  Logging my food on My Fitness Pal has been very helpful in this direction.  I admit, the illness has taken my appetite as well, so some of the loss has been due to that.  My goal is to keep it off by sticking to my eating plan.  (I guess getting another virus before the old one is gone is good for something??)

Right now, I am eating 2 cups of a Chex-like cereal in the morning, with whole milk and drinking a bit of iced coffee with milk.  Lunch is often cottage cheese with sour cherry preserves, or perhaps leftovers.  I usually have a bit of a chocolate bar with my lunch.  I did experiment with a faux chicken salad this week that was pretty much a disaster.  I was tolerating some popcorn okay, so I made it once in the pan, and also bought some of the olive-oil popped variety from Trader Joe's that is good. After some drama involving a stuck pill over the weekend, however, I'm sticking to a low-irritant diet and will hold off on popcorn for a while now. Watermelon is still good, as are grapes, so I'm eating those pretty often as well.  I'm getting better at portions for dinner, particularly with foods I prepare myself from scratch, so there's that as well.  (That has always been my issue with food logging programs--they work best on pre-prepared foods that have specific nutritional information included on the packaging.  If you mostly prepare your own food, and you eat the way we do, more casserole style, then gauging portions for a recipe can be tricky).

Mostly, I just feel like my body feels normal again--like it is mine, and the alien invaders of the last 18 months are starting to move house.  

In other news, I used some credits I had on my ThredUp account to purchase these shoes, and was on the fence about returning them, because they are a bit higher than I normally wear, even with the toe platform.  I also had a decent neutral pair of sandals I wore all summer (the second-hand Naturalizers that have featured in many a sewing post these last months).  Then suddenly, on my way out the door on Thursday night, my Naturalizers just fell apart on me!  No hope for repair.  So I decided to keep these in their place.  I like them and they are surprisingly comfortable.  I love it when God looks after even the little things.

Just the facts:

Button pocket dress: Eshakti

Wannabe Hasbeen shoes: Old Navy via ThredUp

Earrings: from my gram

Psalm necklace: gift from a friend, from Georgia (the country, not the state)

STATurday: Plateau

I debated whether to check in for the blog this week--I don't really have much to report (which is why I didn't do a check in last week either).  My weight loss has stalled out as I always retain 2-3 pounds of water from the middle of my cycle through to the end, so I still have another few days before that water starts coming off.  I also had an endoscopy on Wednesday which kind of messed me up.  I had to fast from all food from midnight until after the procedure (around 6 p.m.) and could only drink 6 oz. of clear fluids before 9:30 a.m.  Nothing at all after 1:30 p.m.  I was lightheaded and shaky all day, and the anaesthesia really kicked my behind.  

I did go to the gym in the morning on Wednesday, and did a light workout, but felt awful on Thursday from the aftereffects of the procedure.  So I made it a rest day.  It's been four years since my last endoscopy, and I forgot how much it takes out of me.  I still felt "off" on Friday, but went to the gym in the afternoon after Liturgy for the Dormition.  I lifted today and did 4 miles on the treadmill, 3 hill intervals, from 3.0 in elevation up to 16.0 for a total of 1678 vertical distance at 3.5 mph.  I've been going to the gym 5-6 days a week, still doing an intense cardio workout every day I'm there, and then adding in a lifting sessions for all muscle groups 2 days a week.  I'd like to get up to three days lifting, but my lift days are 2 hour workouts, and I'm having trouble fitting in another lift day during the week.  Currently I lift on Saturdays and Tuesday or Wednesday, depending on my schedule.  I realize I'm not getting much done in the way of sewing or other stuff, but as I said, I need to do this like it is my job right now.  I did do full house clean earlier this week, including evicting the pancake size dust bunnies that had taken up residence under all the heavy furniture in our bedroom. 

The good news is that the inches are finally starting to tally up--I lost a total of 4" in the last two weeks.  Almost an inch and half off my waist, and 1.6" off my hips.  At this rate, I'll be a perfect rectangle by October.  (After years of being a fairly straightforward pear, this will be new territory for me).  I'm trying to get my waist to thin down in proportion to my hips, but it is going slower than I'd like.  I happen to like my normal 10" waist-hip ratio, and going down to 7 inches is kind of weird for me.  My bunny blouse (pictured) fits better than at the beginning of the summer, and this skirt hangs a bit nicer, I think (I wore this outfit during Me-Made-May, if you care to go back and look).

Some food things I'm doing right now.  My blood work came back earlier this week, and I'm pretty anemic, with low protein and calcium levels.  So I need to up my protein (particularly red meat) and dairy (convenient, as I don't tolerate many forms of protein, but dairy is okay).  My husband and I did South Beach when it first came out, and there were a small amount of food things that I found helpful.  (At the time, my allergy list was much shorter, and my food tolerances much higher)  I've reordered the book to have it as a reference for when I'm feeling stuck about food.  Much of the diet's recommendations are chicken-based, which don't work for me, but I need to get off the white carbs, eat more protein, and still stay gastroparesis-friendly.  Tricky, that.  It strikes me that there might be some ideas there.  I made the lime zest ricotta cream for lunch today, and it is nice and fresh-tasting.

Oddly, my biggest food craving problem at the moment isn't sweets, which surprises me.  I crave Utz Ripple potato chips all the time.  There's something about the fat/salt ratio and the texture that just gets me.  I'm sure there is some body chemistry reason why this is a problem right now, and I'm hoping it will pass.  I did try coconut water on the recommendation of several friends who lift, and found it to be completely unpalatable.  I got the unsweetened kind, which may have been part of the problem, but I just can't force it down.  I already have trouble drinking enough liquids.  I did find a ready-made sandwich that I like a lot--the Tomato Mozarella from Starbucks is really tasty, has no allergens for me, plus I can tolerate the small amounts of veg in it, so it is a win.  Plus it has 390 calories, so it is a perfect lunch for when I need something portable.  (And let's face it--there is a Starbucks on every corner, so it has the added advantage of being easily obtainable)

I admit, the last week has been a struggle, and I'm sure of the weight loss plateau is my own fault, and nothing to do with my cycle.   There will be days like this.  Nothing to do but pick myself up, do it better today.