Twelve

I feel somewhat obliged to write something about this day today, but I find I do not have the words to do so.  It is not that this year is particularly hard in terms of my grief journey; it isn't.  Twelve years ago, Philip left us for the bosom of Abraham.  I've written a fair bit about it over the years, and I have nothing new to add. 

I'm melancholy today, and I have been hyper-aware of the date, but mostly it has just been a day like any other. 

I do reflect a bit more on grief these days, in part because it is the backbone of my book, but also because it changes over time, as I have changed over time.  Twelve years is a long time to live without someone.

But it has become bearable, the absence.  A note in the background, rather than the symphony of my life.

Yarn Along: January

~knitting~

Another Carbeth!  This time a bright daffodil yellow cardigan.  I'm so happy with it.  I wore it unblocked on Friday, like the rebel I am, and then promptly blocked it that evening. 

The stitches loosened up quite a bit, so I tossed it in the dryer for a few minutes to even everything out and tighten it up again.  (I used super wash wool). 

 It is a new yarn to me: Carlton Supreme, which is a 100% merino superwash wool.  I bought navy and a dark purple as well.  

My only complaint is that the yarn isn't spun very tightly, so the individual strands can sometimes be split by not being careful where you put your needle, but it is relatively easy to put the strands back together, so there's that.

 I'll be curious to see how well it wears over time.  It's nice and soft, and comparable to DK Swish, I think. 

I'm planning to start a shawl with some hand-dyed Chickadee that I've had for a while, and I just cast on a navy Carbeth cardigan in the same Carlton Supreme as well. 

After that, I have the Lightweight Pullover in my queue, and a shawlette thing in a deep teal blue.

~reading~

The Intimacy Factor, which examines Myers-Briggs personality types and how they interact in a marriage relationship.  I bought it mostly as research for my novel, but it had a lot of great insights, and I realized a few things about my own personality that I'm noodling along.  I'll write more about that later.

I also finished a book about writing called The Emotional Craft of Fiction by Donald Maass, which was super helpful at this stage of the game.  I put the second draft of the novel to bed on Old Calendar St. Nicholas Day, and have been letting it sit on ice this month before I hit the ground running after Theophany for the next round of edits.  Maass' book gave me some concrete things to work on in the next round of edits.  I'm starting to be impatient for the book to be "done" enough to start shopping it to agents, but I know I can't rush this part or it will just bite me later.

I'm still working on Madeleine L'Engle's Two-Part Invention, which is the story of her marriage to Hugh Franklin.  It's very very good reading.

I re-read a few writing manuals I read last year and found a few helpful things for this stage of my book as well.  I also plowed through a couple of backgrounder books that were helpful to read right now.  They will help me as I deepen the work during this next revision stage.

I've made absolutely zero progress on Kristen Lavransdatter--I just can't get into it.  Maybe it will just have to wait for the future.

~sewing~

Nothing, really.  I can show you my Christmas dress, which I made in November and have been saving until now.

It's another Frankenwashi, in Washi brushed flannel from Cotton+Steel.  So, a Washi-Washi.  Heh.  

It is made on the same block as my Night Owl dress, and while I think I got the elastic in the back slightly too high, it looks okay.  

I'm mostly happy with it, except that the fabric is pretty thin, and I ended up needing a cardigan over the top of these layers as well.  I also added some red woolen tall socks to warm up my legs.  I don't realize how warm my long skirts really are until I wear something shorter and I'm freezing!

The white cowl was just the thing.

But it was a festive dress for a festive day, and I was glad I had it to wear.

It was festive without being over the top, I think.

Otherwise, I've just been darning my tights and Ponchik's mittens.  I started using sock yarn to darn the tights instead of embroidery floss, and I think I like it better, even though the darning is a bit more difficult.  It seems like the darns hold better and are more robust.

~watching~

The Last Kingdom is my new favorite thing--I can't believe it took me so long to start watching it.  I love Alexander Deymon--he carries the show very well and is so enjoyable to watch.  The writing is great and I love how the religious conflicts are addressed.  It is a super interesting period of time to me (during the Danish invasion of Britain in the 800s) and it followed on well to a Viking exhibit I took the kids too over the winter break.

A quirky indie called Juliet, Naked, which was a mostly light film with Ethan Hawke and Rose Bryne.

Finally, The Death of Stalin is a must-see.  It is so ridiculous and funny and yet thought-provoking about the time.  The whole cast was note-perfect, and I enjoyed every minute.  (I especially enjoyed Jason Isaacs' scene-chewing role as Marshal Zyuganov)

I also watched Pixar's Inside Out on the recommendation of someone or other and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

This is more under listening, but if you want a sublime concert experience, watch Sting's live concert from Durham Cathedral, where he performs the music from A Winter's Night (one of his best albums in my opinion).  I have been a huge Sting fan since the Ten Summner's Dreams album, and I love how smart and thoughtful his music is.  His music talks to my soul.  (Check out his Songs from the Labyrinth for a truly wonderful album of John Donne readings with some instrumental music).  I am one of those weirdos who loved The Soul Cages and The Last Ship (his two best regular albums, if you ask me) and the live concert of The Last Ship is also very enjoyable.

Linking with Ginny for Yarn Along!

Curly Girl Hair

Fall 1997; I used to have a LOT of hair!

It seems frivolous to write about hair, but honestly, hair is so defining.  I don't get a lot of comments on my visage generally, but I've received many nice compliments about my hair over the years.  I  have usually worn it long, although I did cut it quite short briefly in my early 20s when my hair loss was extreme and I needed to find a style that hid the patchy spots. 

Summer 2003, not my best look.  It was shorter when I first cut it.

Since then, however, I've mostly kept it below shoulder length.  The continued hair loss means I'll never wear it waist-length as I once did, but I've pretty much made my peace with it.  

Spring 2008 (with my niece)

That said, over the past however many years, I've mostly worn my hair up, because it only looked decent on the day I washed it.  I don't love how my hair looks up, however, so that is a lot of time to be unhappy with hair.

All tied up. October 2008  I was newer then.

About two years ago, I got serious about dealing with my curly hair and about figuring out how to style it properly, instead of just tying it up all the time.  I've always had textured hair, but it has only gotten curlier as I've gotten older. 

Winter 2015

I don't mind this a bit--I rather like having curls, but I will say, as a relatively low-maintenance person, I've struggled to know what to do with my hair, particularly after the first-day washing, as it would frizz out and generally not look great until my next wash.

Winter 2015

I got into a habit of washing infrequently, on the good advice of a stylist, and I started using products specifically formulated for curly hair, all of which helped.  I also stopped used a regular towel to dry my hair and switched to a jersey towel (like a t-shirt), which helped a bit too. 

Trust me when I say my hair was a frizz monster this day.

About a year and a half ago, I got my first keratin treatment (also on the good advice of the same stylist) which helped my curls look nice and not frizz out.  My stylist also recommended a leave-in that contained keratin, and that has helped a lot over the past year or so.

Summer 2018; with my great-nephew

Recently, however, I felt that all those things weren't quite enough, as my hair looked frizzy and dry even right after washing and adding a ton of conditioner.  I debated a cut, but then considered the probable effect on my husband's heart function (not good) and thought better of it.  I ran across some videos on YouTube, one of which recommended a Curly Girl method, which is basically to stop shampooing your hair, and instead, use a specific type of conditioner on it, and then a water-based gel afterward, with lots of scrunching and t-shirt drying.  The method also discourages using a comb or brush, something my stylist has been urging me to quit anyway.

I thought it was worth a shot, so I tried it!  The first week or so was great.  My second and third-day hair looked so much better, and my wash day hair was fabulous.  Nice tight curls that were soft and defined.  I found it relatively easy to finger comb my hair in the shower and then scrunch it with the towel and then lightly finger comb again after getting out of the shower. 

2nd day hair, the first week.  I never get second day curls like this.  Never.

The second week, not so much.  The conditioning balm I used to cleanse my hair wasn't really doing it, and my hair looked limp and greasy even right after.  So I went back to shampoo and conditioner and keratin with a curly-hair gel, and it looks much better again.  I may have to rotate what I do in order to keep it looking nice, but for now, that is what seems to be working well.  I've noticed over the years that curly hair tends to resist routines and does better when products and methods are varied.

I also find that refreshing my hair on the second or third day varies--sometimes getting it mostly wet in the shower is fine, but other times, my roots get too wet and my hair looks really flat on top.  Some days it works very well to just run my wet hands through my hair in the shower to dampen but not thoroughly soak it.  I suppose I will just have to experiment to see what seems best.  And maybe all these things will work at one time or another.  Mostly, I'm happier with how my hair looks on a daily basis, so that is good! 

It's really difficult to photograph your hair at home.  But this was a good hair day--it was 2nd or 3rd day hair, and the curls were nicely defined and the top wasn't frizzy.  (I promise I will be blogging about that sweater soon!)

I find I am more peaceful in my body these days.  I've been stalking following Stasia Savasuk on Instagram this fall, and so much of what she says about bodies and acceptance is what I need to hear right now.  I still have work to do, but I think I'm on my way.  40: I'm coming for you.

Well, that was a lot of blather about hair!  Goodness sakes.  I was head-down with the book during November and December and so didn't have much time to blog. I put the book on ice when the kids were home on winter break, and need to let it sit for another two before I pick up the manuscript again.  After the Twelve Days, I plan to get back at it.  In the meantime, I can catch up on my blog post backlog--I have several partial posts sitting in my drafts folder.  Hopefully, I can get them all out!

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve for us, and Piglet's birthday (he was actually born on a Sunday morning!) so we will be preparing for Christmas and then celebrating the feast on Monday!  I'm hoping to get a Yarn Along post out sometime this week.