STATurday: Plateau

I debated whether to check in for the blog this week--I don't really have much to report (which is why I didn't do a check in last week either).  My weight loss has stalled out as I always retain 2-3 pounds of water from the middle of my cycle through to the end, so I still have another few days before that water starts coming off.  I also had an endoscopy on Wednesday which kind of messed me up.  I had to fast from all food from midnight until after the procedure (around 6 p.m.) and could only drink 6 oz. of clear fluids before 9:30 a.m.  Nothing at all after 1:30 p.m.  I was lightheaded and shaky all day, and the anaesthesia really kicked my behind.  

I did go to the gym in the morning on Wednesday, and did a light workout, but felt awful on Thursday from the aftereffects of the procedure.  So I made it a rest day.  It's been four years since my last endoscopy, and I forgot how much it takes out of me.  I still felt "off" on Friday, but went to the gym in the afternoon after Liturgy for the Dormition.  I lifted today and did 4 miles on the treadmill, 3 hill intervals, from 3.0 in elevation up to 16.0 for a total of 1678 vertical distance at 3.5 mph.  I've been going to the gym 5-6 days a week, still doing an intense cardio workout every day I'm there, and then adding in a lifting sessions for all muscle groups 2 days a week.  I'd like to get up to three days lifting, but my lift days are 2 hour workouts, and I'm having trouble fitting in another lift day during the week.  Currently I lift on Saturdays and Tuesday or Wednesday, depending on my schedule.  I realize I'm not getting much done in the way of sewing or other stuff, but as I said, I need to do this like it is my job right now.  I did do full house clean earlier this week, including evicting the pancake size dust bunnies that had taken up residence under all the heavy furniture in our bedroom. 

The good news is that the inches are finally starting to tally up--I lost a total of 4" in the last two weeks.  Almost an inch and half off my waist, and 1.6" off my hips.  At this rate, I'll be a perfect rectangle by October.  (After years of being a fairly straightforward pear, this will be new territory for me).  I'm trying to get my waist to thin down in proportion to my hips, but it is going slower than I'd like.  I happen to like my normal 10" waist-hip ratio, and going down to 7 inches is kind of weird for me.  My bunny blouse (pictured) fits better than at the beginning of the summer, and this skirt hangs a bit nicer, I think (I wore this outfit during Me-Made-May, if you care to go back and look).

Some food things I'm doing right now.  My blood work came back earlier this week, and I'm pretty anemic, with low protein and calcium levels.  So I need to up my protein (particularly red meat) and dairy (convenient, as I don't tolerate many forms of protein, but dairy is okay).  My husband and I did South Beach when it first came out, and there were a small amount of food things that I found helpful.  (At the time, my allergy list was much shorter, and my food tolerances much higher)  I've reordered the book to have it as a reference for when I'm feeling stuck about food.  Much of the diet's recommendations are chicken-based, which don't work for me, but I need to get off the white carbs, eat more protein, and still stay gastroparesis-friendly.  Tricky, that.  It strikes me that there might be some ideas there.  I made the lime zest ricotta cream for lunch today, and it is nice and fresh-tasting.

Oddly, my biggest food craving problem at the moment isn't sweets, which surprises me.  I crave Utz Ripple potato chips all the time.  There's something about the fat/salt ratio and the texture that just gets me.  I'm sure there is some body chemistry reason why this is a problem right now, and I'm hoping it will pass.  I did try coconut water on the recommendation of several friends who lift, and found it to be completely unpalatable.  I got the unsweetened kind, which may have been part of the problem, but I just can't force it down.  I already have trouble drinking enough liquids.  I did find a ready-made sandwich that I like a lot--the Tomato Mozarella from Starbucks is really tasty, has no allergens for me, plus I can tolerate the small amounts of veg in it, so it is a win.  Plus it has 390 calories, so it is a perfect lunch for when I need something portable.  (And let's face it--there is a Starbucks on every corner, so it has the added advantage of being easily obtainable)

I admit, the last week has been a struggle, and I'm sure of the weight loss plateau is my own fault, and nothing to do with my cycle.   There will be days like this.  Nothing to do but pick myself up, do it better today.

Talking Tuesday: Facebook is broken

Found on Google images ages ago.

Donna is my friend and fellow academic (and a frequent commentator on this blog).   She and I have long discussed the intersection of technology and humanity as well as a diverse range of topics unrelated to academia.  

She is professionally interested in social media, and I've long followed her thoughts on Facebook in particular.  Coincidentally, we both changed the way we used Facebook in the past year, and while she has taken a full hiatus this summer, I've really tried to change the way I use it.  I disliked the heavy feeling I had almost every time I was on it, and sadness was a monkey on my back.  I didn't like the schizophrenic feeling I had of trying to keep all my past and present selves together.

Donna recently posted a long Facebook update that she later turned into a blog post, detailing her experience being off Facebook, and also how much she has soured on Facebook-as-platform.  Despite that, she chooses to stay active, but will be more deliberate in how she uses it.  

She writes:

"So, I just can't do it anymore, where 'it' means trying to get this tool I've studied as both a researcher and a user, since 2009 and 2005 respectively, to work the way I wish it did.

I've decided not to leave Facebook entirely though, because the other thing I realized during my Facebook hiatus this summer is that I do still wish to share things about my home life, my family, and some things about work (though FYI: most of my work-related sharing is on Twitter these days), with the people I've chosen to connect with on here.

I also use this account as a network node where I connect with those persons I want a way to be in contact with, whether they be new professional colleague-friends or other types of cool folks I meet and get to know through and in my days. I plan to continue to utilize the site in this manner.

But, I'm giving myself permission to do something I've never done on here before: I am going to share what I want to share, with no plans to view everyone else's posts *in aggregate* (that is, via any feed-type options this site offers users--because, as I said, they are all broken for me, for one reason or another).

Instead, I'll be keeping up with folks individually, deliberately, and mindfully, by visiting your profiles directly.

Basically, I'm stepping out of the stream, but still want to camp out on the bank and do my own thing at my own camp, so to speak, and visit your camps directly from now on (house calls!), versus trying to have a meaningful meeting while caught up in the current."

~Donna Witek, "Facebook is Broken," August 21, 2015, Information Constellation blog.

For me, Facebook started out as a way to stay in touch with my college chums--I was part of a close group, and we stayed in touch long after graduation, mostly through round robin style e-mails and Christmas letters.  The first person to invite me to Facebook in 2008 was one of those people.  I was eager for the chance to have a more meaningful interaction with the group of people who had meant a lot to me in college and the intervening years.  I was also stuck at home with a very colicky baby in a new city and lonely.  It felt like a lifeline.  Some of those older friendships have deepened over time, and I've made some new friends in the meantime, and I'm grateful to Facebook for standing as the platform for that.  

Over time, however, my experience of Facebook has grown less positive, particularly as the algorithms have changed, and the privacy settings more ephemeral.  I've developed a like-dislike relationship with it, as I feel it is a convenient way to keep up with a lot of people, and I've had some hugely positive interactions there, as well as support during times of trial, but I dislike the daily emotional toll it takes on me.

Now, I make a point of logging out of Facebook every time I go in to respond to a post or group.  It helps me not to mindlessly use it throughout the day--I have to be quite intentional to type in the login and password every time.  I don't read my newsfeed very often and I've mostly stopped posting status updates, although I do occasionally post photos, ask a question, or respond to something someone else posts on my wall.  I cannot give up Facebook entirely--there are too many members of my extended family as well as a few friends who rarely use e-mail to communicate any more, and it is a convenient way to stay in touch with a few people from way back.  

I do think that we aren't meant to hold all of our past and present selves together, and that we aren't meant to hold on to every relationship throughout our lives.  Some friendships are seasonal, and I think it is important to acknowledge that.  When Piglet was very tiny, there was a group of women who were very important to me--we were all learning the motherhood thing together and needed a lot of support from one another.  We've mostly lost touch with one another as our kids have grown and gone in different directions, but that is okay.  I think it is way of things.  Some friendships grow with time and attention--I think Facebook can be a useful tool in those instances as well.

Perhaps at some point the future, I will go back to using Facebook as I once did, but for now, this is the best approach for my own mental health and sanity.

Talking Tuesday: Being Bread

An old college chum posted the following on his Facebook page sometime last week, and it really struck me.  I've not read the book the exerpt comes from, but Matthew has never led me wrong with book recommendations, and I'm eager to add this title to my list of things to read.

photo taken by my mom

"A 20-year study conducted by the American Psychological Association found that chronically drug-addicted persons already had in place the personality characteristics which made them vulnerable to drug addiction by age eight. These children's parents had pressured them to improve and succeed, without enjoying their children. They failed to notice and appreciate what was worthwhile and valuable about them at each stage of their growth along the way. They had become a project more than a relationship. Consequently [and because the children had not found their self-worth elsewhere, nor developed the tools to secure it, they] did not have a sense of their own belovedness. Pressure to succeed was felt by these children like a hot sun beating down on them from which they could never find shade. Feeling deeply inadequate and unable to soothe the inner pressure constantly reminding them of this, drugs served as a welcome escape.

"Another group of children turned to achievement in a driven, compulsive way. They appeared to have similar psychological characteristics as the drug-addicted group—only achievement itself was their drug. In contrast to a third more psychologically healthy group of non-addicted persons, these two groups shared a sense of not being good enough, which disabled them from being able to take nourishment from appreciating life in the moment. The race to perfection (and avoiding the pain of failure and rejection) was what mattered most.

"But this world will never be perfect on its own apart from διά-Λογος [dia-logue; that is, the way of the Logos] and neither will any of us. One of my mentors, Barry Estadt, used to say, 'Christ did not come to change humanity [by compulsion] but to embrace it.' Paradoxically, in that embrace, we are changed precisely because we are loved as we are before our image has been fully restored. The medicine we receive from God is belovedness. It is a gift which comes through tears as we respond with gratitude and surprise to an embrace that is undeserved and unexpected, like every aspect for the sheer thatness of each moment. As the philosopher Ludwig Wittgenstein wrote, 'It is not *how* things are in the world that is mystical, but *that* it exists.'"

—Dr. Stephen Muse, Being Bread, Orthodox Research Institute, 2013, p. 35–36.

STATurday

Check in time again.  I hit the gym hard this week, despite having to take a rest day on Monday and Wednesday due to some doctor's appointments and a lengthy test at the hospital.  I planned ahead, however, and just made those days my two rest days this week.  

I finally got a battery for my Polar Fit watch, which monitors calorie burn, and my suspicions about the treadmill were correct: I'm burning a lot more than it says I am.  I sort of like the challenge of wearing the watch and strap during a workout--I shoot for a calorie target and see if I can meet or beat it.  I was going for a 300 calorie burn during a workout, but I'm kind of blasting through that, so now I'm shooting for 500.  

My workouts right now consist of doing a pretty intense hill workout on the treadmill for about 3 miles, 5 days a week.  A couple of those days, I add in 30 minutes of strength training before hitting the treadmill.  I'm also adding in 50-100 squats with the TRX bands at the end of a treadmill workout (or doing them during the strength training, depending on the day)  I'm definitely feeling it today--my abs and biceps are sore and I'm feeling slightly jelly-like.  I'll probably have to change it a bit once school starts back up, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.  

Stats: I lost another pound, so I'm down a total of 7 pounds.  I did take measurements yesterday, and I've lost in a few places, but gained in others (what the heck??), so the net loss is 0.88 inches.  The biggest gain was in my waist, and that is the area that is most prone to change on a daily basis, so I might retake that measurement for a few days to see if it is different.  I lost the most on my hips--almost an inch.  I gained a quarter inch on my thighs, but that could be muscle, or it could be just getting the tape in a slightly different place--it is hard to get it in exactly the same spot every time.  I also lost almost an inch on my biceps and a quarter inch on my neck.

Food-wise, I'm not doing much else different.  Eating cereal in the morning, a ham and cheese sandwich at noon, a high-protein snack around 3:00, and then a small portioned dinner.  I get why nutritionists like dinners that consist of a whole protein, a whole starch, and vegetable sides, as it is very easy to calculate portions and calories, but I can't afford to feed my family like that.  I'm drinking more non-coffee fluids (mostly Crystal Light lemonade, and Sobe Yumberry Pomegranate Lifewater) and staying off the fizz.  My nails are really in a sorry state--peeling and brittle, and I'm not really sure why they are so much worse all of the sudden.  My nails are never super great, but they aren't usually this bad, even in winter.

As for supplements, I'm taking a gummy multi-vitamin (because I can't tolerate large pills), acai berry, vitamin D (5,000 mcg), and biotin (10,000 mcg).  I'm considering adding some other things, but want to discuss with my GI doc when I see her on Monday as I think I'm not absorbing nutrients very well right now, and I'm not really sure what to do about that.

STATurday

It's been a few weeks since I wrote about this little fitness venture I'm on, and I thought it was time to check in here.

The good news: I've lost 6 pounds since July 22, when I joined the gym.  I neglected to take measurements at that time, and didn't get around to it until August 1st, so I think it is too soon to take measurements again.  I think the healthiest approach to measurements is going to be doing it around the first and middle of the month.  I'm weighing myself every couple of days, just to keep track.

I spent last week at my parents' house, and took my T25 DVDs with me and did them all but Monday and Tuesday.  I pushed hard, got in a good workout every day, and felt good about my calorie intake, given the fact that I was away from home, we had several birthdays (including mine) to celebrate, and just generally being out of routine.  I'm tracking my calories and exercise on My Fitness Pal, and kept up with that while I was away as well. 

At home, I've been getting to the gym 5 days a week, but am shooting for 6.  I'm doing a minimum of 2.5 miles on the treadmill, doing hill intervals at 3.5-4.0 mph, or intervals on the elliptical for 30 minutes, which is generally about 4 miles at 50-60 miles per hour.  I'm starting to get up to 3 miles on the treadmill, and have added in some strength training with weight machines.  My goal is to burn 300 calories in a cardio workout, and anything else is a bonus.  I'm also doing 50 squats on TRX bands with my strength training.  I hope to work up to 100 squats a few times per week.  I have to be careful of my shoulders and neck, which are prone to injury with certain movements.  The faux-stroke I had in college has left me with a weaker left side, so it is better for me to use machines than free weights.  

Some other things I am doing right now:

While I was away, I discovered that I can tolerate very small amounts of lettuce and tomato (read: one slice of each on a sandwich at lunch time), so my lunches just got very predictable and easy.  I've been making a ham and cheese sandwich most days, which comes to about 320-350 calories, depending on the bread and condiments.  I generally need something around 3 p.m., so I've been having a cup of cottage cheese with peach juice (I can't tolerate peaches very well right now, so I just drain off the juice from the can and use that--the snack comes to just under 200 calories, and is high protein, which is perfect)

I have three cereals that seem to sit very well in the morning, so am rotating between them (Rice Chex, Life, and Cripix), for about 400 calories in the morning.  

I also remembered that Carnation Instant Breakfast is highly recommended for gastroparesis diets, so I bought a few boxes to keep on hand for times when my stomach is really hurting but I need calories.  The Naked Protein Double Berry shakes I was drinking are a complete calorie bomb, expensive, and are difficult to obtain regularly, so I decided to stop buying them and use the Carnation as needed instead.  (The packets have the added advantage of not using up valuable fridge space).  

Dinners are still kind of a toss up, but since breakfast and lunch are very predictable and easy right now, I'm not too concerned about it.  I'm just trying to have one serving of the main dish, and try to eat a very small portion of carrots with it.  I've been keeping good bars of chocolate in the fridge, and eat a 200 calorie portion in the evening after the kids go to bed.  I also rediscovered old fashioned ice cream bars (the kind with the cookie bar on either side of the ice cream) and bought a few boxes, since they run between 130-150 calories for a bar, and feel like a reasonable dessert.

I've totally gone off fizzy drinks, even seltzer, because it makes my belly bloat so bad and I feel awful after drinking them.  Instead, I have been making crystal light lemonade and drinking Sobe Lifewater in Yumberry Pomegranate since I have a hard time drinking straight water unless I'm seriously dehydrated.  I'm not a particularly thirsty person, so it has been hard to keep up my liquid intake.  I do have an iced coffee in the morning, with some whole milk or half and half, but the calorie load is pretty low (40-50 calories) that I figure the caffeine is worth it.

My base calorie goal is 1600 per day, plus whatever I burn with exercise, and I'm doing pretty well staying within the targets.  I've had a day or two that I ran over by a little bit, but nothing crazy.  I think it is okay to run over a few times a week.  

Here's to the next 6 pounds!