The Soul Cages

Japanese Kintsugi (gold repair)

Kate Davies had a post this spring that discussed why mending is important, not only for creative practice, but for the health of ourselves, our world, our souls.  The post is taken from her 2019 book Wheesht, and I keep thinking about mending as a larger concept.  

(Around the same time, I had a discussion with a friend about where to start with a novel, and I said to start with a big question or theme you want to work through.  I've been a bit stuck about where to go with my next book, but after that question, and reading Kate's post: Physician heal thyself.  I've been thinking about some big questions since then). 

I think it is interesting to consider what resonates culturally, as it speaks to what our deep anxieties and unmet needs are.  From a quick perusal of some popular fantasy fiction (and by popular, I mean fanatic reader followings, with millions of books sold), I notice a few things.  First is the desire for intimacy, but not just with a romantic partner (although that is present), but the desire for intimacy in a family setting.  To be truly known by your family, and if not by your family of origin, then the family you construct in its absence or dysfunction.  

Related to the first, the second is the desire for unconditional acceptance by one's romantic partner and family.  In this unconditional acceptance is the idea that you stick through the hard times, through thick and thin.  I do find there is an element of fantasy there, as the thick and thin times in these novels tend to come from external pressures rather than from self-generated interpersonal conflict, but that's something to tease apart another time.  

Finally, there is a deep desire for an enchanted world, and a fight to be had against the forces of evil. That is to say, a world that exists on more planes than we can perceive or rationally prove, and that has a spiritual dimension to it that is real and life-giving.  In fantasy novels, the enchantment often comes from within the characters themselves in the form of magical abilities, but there is also a kind of magic in the air of these stories that exists as atmosphere.  

I'm also increasingly bothered by stories where the resolution of the conflict is found by the protagonist "following their bliss," even if it means blowing apart a marriage or family, or leaving a rooted community.  I fail to see how that can ultimately feed the soul and make for lasting flourishing.  A plant without good roots will wither and die, even if it looks good initially.  Plants thrive around other plants.  Similarly, a plant that is in the process of rooting itself in the soil will sometimes look a little peaky and sad, but if you give it some time and care, it will often flourish dramatically.  

The meaning in the metaphor is that living rooted in community is messy and difficult.  Relationships are never clean and smooth, and there are always people in life that you'd rather not have to deal with.  But I also think those people are there to rub against my thorny bits, to smooth over my ragged edges.  Does it feel good?  Absolutely not.  Is it good for my soul?  Absolutely yes.

The ultimate goal is God Himself.  To be so consumed by that relationship that it is validated and real--a consummation.  To ascend the mountain and find ourselves at the foot of the Cross, on top of Golgotha, the place of Adam's skull.  Christ voluntarily eats the apple of death in order to pour life into Adam's skull and so reveals the purpose of death: to transform that death back into the glory of Eden in self-sacrifice.  He asks us to die on purpose, to die to ourselves, to our will, to provide the seeds for the flourishing of the world.

This cracking open of ourselves in service of mending and flourishing is bound to hurt, bound be discouraging at times, even oppressive.  But the Comforter has come and if we can keep the summit in sight, instead of trying to eat the apple again and again, perhaps we can make a little more progress on our journey.

The ecology of the bread bag

As far as sewing goes, I am more or less a two-trick pony, and tend to stick to pieces and silhouettes that I know I like.  Sometimes I break out of the mold and try something new, as with last year's Emerald tops or this year's Remys, but mostly I don't.  

 

 

The free Elemental skirt pattern from Sew House 7 has been my go-to pattern since it was released in the spring.  Comfortable, easy to wear, a fast sew, efficient with fabric (slightly less than a yard).  I think I've worked out the kinks with sizing across various stretch percentages.  It's too hot now to wear my French terry ones, so my airy yellow one has been in heavy rotation.

So I made two more (and have another yard of fabric waiting to be made up...oops).  This green one I made for Pentecost yesterday, and it is the most perfect shade of green ever.  It was much brighter and more saturated than it looked like on the listing, and I was thrilled when I opened the package.

 

 

It is shorter than I'd planned because I made a tiny cutting mistake, but still a good summer length.  (Cutting these at pattern length for summer can be stuffy, even in light weight fabric like this, so I've been shortening slightly for the heat).  I discovered I was out of the right width of Ban-rol elastic as well, so had to use something else that isn't quite as nice, but might swap it out when I get more of the good stuff.

 

I also made this berry colored one from some Telio cotton/spandex knit.  This is the first knit fabric I've bought where washing significantly changed the hand.  It was crunchy and icky feeling when I pulled it out of the mailer.  The fabric felt like disgusting polyester.  So much so that I actually called to return it.  (I had ordered a second yard in the pine colorway, thinking I had ordered teal, and so was doubly frustrated with myself at that point). 

 

The customer service rep said they would refund the money but didn't want the fabric returned, which I feel funny about, but this company usually has you return stuff with a prepaid mailer, so I don't know.  Don't look free fabric in the face, I suppose.  I'll probably buy it again, now that I know this.  Maybe I'll use the other yard to toile some bralettes (another rabbit hole I never thought I'd dive down!)

The Telio is a slightly beefier knit than the green and yellow ones, but less thick than the French terry. It is a nice mid-weight knit with good stretch and recovery.  I think I like it even better than Kaufman's Laguna jersey, so that's saying something!   I'll admit, much of my sewing since May has been of the stress-sewing variety.  My weight has stayed fairly constant for the past year, but I discovered that about half my summer skirts don't fit comfortably around the waist for some reason, and one of them just looks sadder than sad.

These knit skirts are more forgiving and comfortable, and are a silhouette that feels more like "me" than the fuller summer skirts I wear to mark time until I can get back into my slim skirts for fall and winter.  I only wish this pattern had come out sooner!  

I'm struggling a bit with the ecology of my sewing this year, as with so many other things in the house.  I recently finished re-reading Slavenka Draculic's How We Survived Communism and Even Laughed and am now re-reading her Cafe Europa book. 

This is the yellow skirt with a shirt I recently altered.  My sister bought the shirt for me a few years ago (and matching ones for herself and my other sister) but I didn't like the red collar and cuffs, so I cut them off and hemmed down the edges.  I love it now and plan to wear it often!

 

Different things stand out to me on this reading, as opposed to my first reading about 15 years ago.  I keep thinking about the stuff they saved that most Westerners would throw out or recycle, like jars and cans, plastic bags, etc.  It reminded me of the economies when I lived in Russia--if you were lucky enough to find ziploc bags, you never ever threw one away!  Some dear friends moved back to the States while I was living in Moscow and I helped them pack.  She gave me her partial box of ziploc bags and I thought I'd won the lottery!  I still have a hard time knowing how to deal with ziplocs.  Sturdy plastic shopping bags with flat plastic handles doubled as handbags--the Marianna brand was particularly popular.  I was thrilled to find one at a kiosk for 5 rubles once.

But the same economies also reminded me of my grandmother, who survived the Great Depression and never threw away a bread bag or cottage cheese tub if she could use it for something else.  I come from thrifty Dutch stock, but somehow, I have lost touch with some of those things as galloping consumerism has taken over our world.  Sometimes I get so tired of the whole hamster wheel--buying and selling, commodification of everything, the whole world one big advertisement.  I don't like how my brain feels different.

Some of it is simple convenience.  It is a lot of work to keep this household running, and there are some things like frozen diced onions or pre-sliced frozen peppers that just make life easier for me.  And I remind myself that using large-scale delivery systems is more ecologically sound than driving all over the place to shop, so there's that.  It becomes a kind of economy of scale that works in dense urban settings. I'm trying to think about ways to repurpose things that we usually recycle, like food cans or jars.  I've been saving plastic tubs for a few months for various purposes, plus a few other things here and there.  Amazon boxes are useful for basement storage, and stack more conveniently than Rubbermaid tubs (although I do have some of those too, from years ago).

I used big yogurt tubs with holes punched in the bottom to start my bareroot strawberries, and used a big empty can from some freeze dried fruit to transplant a dwarf cypress tree from one of the big planters in the garden.  The reality is that we are a household of six in a dense urban setting, and while our trash and recycling output is low relative to smaller households, there are things we could do to consume less.  I'm still working out how to balance economy of both physical energy and resources against ecology, but I'm often annoyed that I can't do both together.  There is a finite amount of labor I can do in a day's time, but the meals and laundry never stop coming.  So some things have to be sacrificed.  

Anyway, just a yammer about stuff-ism.

In garden news, I moved the strawberry plants outside yesterday.  I had two that suddenly withered in the house, after starting strong, so I thought I'd better get the rest outside before I lost the lot.  They are in the green boxes in front of the big planters.  

A friend gave me a pair of blueberry bushes (so they can self-pollinate), which you can just see on the far right.  They are loaded with berries!  I'm waiting on a few more food plants to arrive, as well as some berry plant food, as my raspberries are looking a bit peaky.  I pinched off all the strawberry flowers while they were in the house, to encourage root and leaf production, but will now let them do their thing and see what we get.  I'm hoping they thrive!

This is a Toile: Tea House Dress

I've had the Tea House dress pattern for ages, and it has gone into my donation pile more than once, but I always pulled it out again, thinking: someday I will make this. Since 2021 appears to be my year of Sew House 7, it was time to crack this one open and look inside.  (You might need to shield your eyes...)

I admit, the amount of fabric this pattern requires has been the main thing holding me back--3.5 yards of 60" wide fabric!  It seems excessive for such a dress.  For reference, almost all my dresses to date have used 2-2.5 yards of fabric, usually with usable scraps left over. I was also put off by the sheer number of pieces and steps, and the fact that getting the ease right seemed tricky (this pattern has a LOT of ease).  I did make a few attempts to replicate it myself a couple of years ago, but never really got something I liked, which also made me hesitate to make it.  If I'm going to purpose buy 3.5 yards of fabric, I want to be fairly certain that the finished make is going to be a winner.

 Last week sometime, I was idly browsing the Tea House hashtag on Instagram, and came across this version, and instantly fell in love with it.  The color, the fit, everything about it sang to me.  I thought I'd better toile it, though, given the amount of fabric involved and the relative price of linen. I looked at the finished garment measurements to choose my size, given the amount of ease involved, and went with an 8, which was a similar finish to my optimal Remy size, which is also an 8.  My measurements put me between an 8 and 10 on top and 12 on the bottom, for reference.  It would have been very...voluminous to cut a straight 12.  

Since I try to cut my makes efficiently, I have some fair lengths of linen left over from various projects, so I thought to try a color-blocked version as a toile.  I sort of hoped to get something wearable in the end, so I tried to think about what would look good together, as well as work with the odd lengths and sizes of fabric I had to work with.  The size of the back piece meant I had to use my nutmeg linen, since it was the only piece big enough, and even then I had to piece a small triangle on the lower part of the skirt (no biggie, it hardly shows).  I didn't have enough to get the yoke pieces out of (either the back or front), so I used the rest to cut the pockets and sleeve cuffs.  

The front is a patchwork quilt of pieces, and I was limited by the size of the pieces I had, plus what would work with the nutmeg linen on the back.  I had to significantly piece the ties, but it isn't obvious.  There are fumes of that Biking Red linen left.  Not bad for two yards--two and a half tops (a colorblocked Emerald for me and a friend, plus this year's Remy) and  the double yoke and ties on this dress.  On the upside, the blocking makes the design lines very obvious!

The changes I made to the pattern were to omit the interfacing (which was a mistake on the pockets, but not the yoke or back facing), and to shorten the sleeves before adding the cuffs.  I cut view B, but cut the length at size 20, to get the dress to 43-ish inches.  View C came in at 47 inches, which would have been nearly maxi length on me, and I don't think I could have made it on the scraps I had to work with anyway.

What I didn't like: the cuff construction and attachment as instructed make no sense, so I did it my own way to get a cleaner finish and hide the seam.  (Basically, instead of seaming it after folding in half, I seamed before folding, then turned the seam allowance to the inside and then folded).  I attached it like you attach a waistband, then turned out and pressed, then folded back and tacked down.  Much cleaner.  The cuff pattern is slightly too small for the sleeve opening, so I had to ease the pieces in slightly.  I'd give another 1/2" for a decent seam allowance.  Similarly, the back box pleat instructions don't make sense.  I ended up with the right thing, but that was owing to having done box pleats before.

The seam allowances are HUGE.  As a fitting matter, I suppose it makes sense, and it does give one some wiggle room to let out if things change, but it also makes for more fabric needed.  The seam allowances are 5/8" mostly, which gives the option for French seams, but the only places you could really do them was on the sides.  French seams aren't super practical with a cut-on sleeve since it has to be clipped at the curve.  I suppose you could clip the first seam allowance and hope for the best when you enclose it on the second seam.  

Also, the front of the dress ends up without any curve to the hem, so it doesn't match the back once the two sides are put together.  I had to re-cut the front hem to match the back (and take off about an inch of the back of the dress in the process). 

So here's the good: the pocket construction is clever, and the finishes are super clean, especially on the back facing and yoke.  I found the process of sewing this dress very enjoyable because of all the little details.  The waist ties are intelligently constructed to wrap around the waist nicely (they angle down slightly when you attach them), and are a good length. The dress is reasonably comfortable.   But I don't think I'll be wearing this toile.  A solid version (preferrably in some shade of sunset!) would be nice!  I'd probably go for the slightly longer tea length next time, use bias to finish the hem instead of turning, and shorten the sleeves a bit more, as they came out at pattern length on my arms, even after I removed an inch! #hobbitproportions

So, a good skill expansion pattern, and I can harvest the dress for parts if need be.

Meadow Dim Emerald Dress

I think this is my last summer project to share (at least for the moment--I make no promises about future stress sewing).  Ha!  I actually made this dress in April, and took the photographs then, as it climbed in the 90s for a week or so.  Indeed, it has been unusually warm and dog-days of summer-like this spring, which doesn't bode well for a mild summer (not that our summers are usually mild, but I live in hope).  

 

 

This is the Emerald dress, the pattern I used to make the linen blouses last summer.  I had toiled a bias cut version in some thrifted rayon a few years ago, but it looked really bad on me (like so bad, I didn't even bother to photograph the thing on my body).  

 

 

I almost put this pattern out of its misery until I saw Rae's blouse versions that were cut on the straight grain, which is what gave me the confidence to try again last year.  I thought perhaps the dress pattern was also worth a revisit, albeit cut on the straight grain. 

 

 

I made the first version with some yellow rayon I got for my birthday last summer, and it fit well enough, but the color was really awful next to my face, so I cut it down for Birdie to wear, and she is happy as a clam in it.  I've since added a small amount of elastic to the neckline to cinch it in slightly and that made a big difference for good fit.  It was sliding a bit around on her shoulders before that.

 

 

Next, I pulled out some rayon I've been saving from a birthday present several years ago: Pat Bravo's Meadow Dim print.  I'm glad I made this one second, as I worked out some of the kinks on the yellow version, and am quite happy with how this one came out.  I won't say it is my favorite thing ever, given that I rarely wear prints these days, nor is it the most flattering, but it is very cool and nice to wear in the heat, so I'll take it as a win.  

 

 

My modification was to add a back tie to add some slight waist definition, as it is quite shapeless on me otherwise.  I could probably stand to size down one more size (I made a straight medium), given the amount of ease, but I wanted to keep it cool and breezy, and the tie was an easy add.  It is tied very loosely to give me maximum arm movement while still providing just a little bit of shaping.

 

 

I skipped the hem facing because I found it fiddly and thought it looked odd in the rayon, so I just used bias tape instead.  I did use the facings on the sleeves and neckline, as I think they look really nice and add a little something extra to the finished piece.

It does have a nice swing to it!  I don't know that I'll make any more (at least not this season) but it is nice to have in my closet this year.  I'm still on the hunt for some good walking sandals.  The strappy leather pair I bought in Greece in 2019 is great, but the sole is pretty flat, and I need some arch support if I'm going to walk more than a little bit.  (The pair I'm wearing in these photos is a cheap-o pair I wear just on the patio for gardening).

I tried on a bunch of different brands this spring (Chaco, Merrell, Sketchers, White Mountain) but haven't really found the right thing yet.  My main problem is two fold: I need actual arch support, which is hard to come by, even in shoes that claim they have it, and I can't stand to have anything between my toes, so anything with a toe loop or a flip flop strap is just right out.  There was an off brand pair I tried that I might end up going with, but the footbed felt slightly weird to me (it was overly cushioned) and the whole thing was synthetic, which I don't love.  I'd rather have something more durable.  

I can't believe I'm writing this, but I'm waiting on a pair of Birkenstocks to arrive to try out as the White Mountain footbed isn't quite right, but I like the arch support.  I find the Arizona style slightly too chunky for my taste, so I'm trying a different style that is similar but with slimmer straps.  My previous experience with Birks was a bit mixed, but I don't think I got past the break-in period with that (thrifted) pair, and those weren't sandals.  I realize I could always go back to my old Dankso standby, but I'm also having a hard time finding a sandal form that is actually on a clog base with some cushion on the footbed.  I did find a pair on ebay that I'm keeping an eye on, so if the Birks don't work, I suppose that will be my last stop. 

The Platonic Ideal of a Summer Skirt

For the past several summers, I've been on the hunt for the right chambray for a summer skirt.  Denim is a little too heavy to wear in the heat, and I've been stymied in my attempts to find a chambray that has some decent drape to it.  Shirting weight tends to pouf weirdly and doesn't stand up well to the stresses of wear in skirt form (as my previous attempts at chambray skirts have shown).  

 

 

Last summer, I dithered over a light blue Brussels linen that was chambray-ish, but wasn't really the denim-y shade I was looking for, and ultimately passed in favor of a lavender color.  As with my marigold corduroy skirt, patience was rewarded, this year, as Kaufman has a denim color of Brussels linen that is perfect!  It is exactly the same shade as my one pair of shorts (rtw) and goes with everything. 

I made the Rose skirt hack again, and used Ban-rol in the front waistband for interfacing, and Ban-rol elastic in the back, sewing several lines of stitching over it.  It should be noted that Ban-rol elastic behaves quite differently when it is sewn over like that, and I don't really know why. 

 

It seems to become a bit looser or something. In this case, it doesn't matter, and the fit is really great, but just something to bear in mind if you use it for yourself. I think I used 14" of elastic in the back and measured the front interfacing to fit the length of the waistband piece.  The front waistband does still want to wrinkle slightly in the middle, but I think that is a function of the rayon content in the fabric blend and not much to be done about it.

I attached the interfacing and elastic slightly differently than in the past, using the technique I learned on the Elemental skirt.  Doing it that way did make things slightly more fiddly, but I also got a slightly cleaner finish, so there's that.  I also did French seams throughout, and like the finish very much!  I did have to think about it a bit more as I was constructing the thing, as the pocket bags required a bit of a think, but the insides are so clean and pretty (and hopefully more durable)!

 

 

It could possibly stand to be 1/2" shorter, but I sort of don't care right now.  I've worn it twice already, and am glad to add a workhorse to my summer wardrobe!

Racing Stripes

I mentioned last week that I had taken apart my spruce Elemental skirt to add some extra fabric to the side seams, since it had come out slightly too snug for comfort.  There was just a bit of fabric left, but enough to cut out two 1" strips that followed the curve of the side seam.  

From the experience of making my Woodrose skirt, I knew that I needed an extra 1/2" on the sides, and figured a 1" strip with 1/4" seam allowances on both sides would get me there.  I wouldn't do it on purpose, but as a fix with no alternatives, it worked pretty well!  

I'm hoping it looks like a design element, but even if not, the skirt is so much more comfortable that I don't actually care that much.  I wore this outfit over the weekend and it was supremely comfortable.

 

Sadly, I think yesterday was my last day for tights until fall (and even yesterday was a bit of a stretch).  The temps are climbing again and the humidity is back (wahh!  I had just got rid of the 3 pounds of water I was holding from the last heat wave.  So it goes).  

But I'm grateful for the brief reprieve anyway.