The ascesis

All images via Google Images

 In the documentary, Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead, Australian entrepreneur Joe Cross is 100 pounds overweight, and sets out to juice his way to health.  The camera follows him across the United States as he seeks out fresh vegetables and fruits to put through his Breville juicer and documents his reflections on his state of health and general well-being during his journey.  He loses the weight, begins eating a healthy diet, develops an active lifestyle and keeps the weight off over a period of years.  It is a familiar story in many ways.  

One thing struck me during the early days of his juicing.  Cross was in New York City, and had stopped at a juice bar that happened to be located near a burger place.  Joe sat at a street-side table, looking at the people going by, drinking his juice and watching the burger eaters have their meat.  He said something about really wanting to eat a huge burger at that moment, but that he was going to sit there and enjoy his juice instead.  He said [and I'm paraphrasing a bit], "I've eaten my burgers.  Now I have to drink my juice to get healthy." What he meant was: he'd spent a lifetime eating too much, eating unhealthy foods, spending too much time thinking about eating, that now it was time to refocus his mind, to retrain his appetites.

It struck me that his journey was a sort of (secular) ascetic struggle to retrain his passions about food.  I think anyone who tries to lose weight or has any food restrictions has to grapple with that reality at some point.  That the allergies, or the gastroparesis, or celiac disease, or whatever, the extra weight, the eating too much: it is all part of the body's being out of sync with God's intention.  That the body is part of the fallen world.  That there will always be disordered desires, appetites run amok, the constant struggle against sinfulness.

It is a hard thing to accept, the ascesis of it.  It is hard to say, "I've eaten my cookies, or cake, or burgers, or whatever, and now I have to eat a smaller amount and range of foods in order to master my body's desire to be out of sync with God."  To want to pursue Godliness over the desires of the flesh.  It is hard to realize you cannot trust your your body's signals for hunger and satiety, but rather to say, x is enough.  To not fall into disordered eating along the way.  It is harder still when the choice to follow an ascetic path is taken from you by disease and you just have to obey and say: This is the ascesis.



I find myself saying that to myself a lot these last months. Not just about food, but about a lot of things.  About wanting to use my time and energy on selfish things.  About feeling entitled to a full night's uninterrupted sleep.  About feeling overwhelmed with my kids' health problems and wondering why we have such a heavy burden in that area.  About feeling frustrated over my body's latest limitations and the ways those things are interfering with my everyday life. About feeling weak and burdensome.

I'm trying to accept that these things are given to me to bear in the service of the glory of God.  Maybe I'm to learn from them; perhaps they are useful for my salvation.  I've had my sleep, I've had uninterrupted time, and a strong body; now I have to make do with less in order to be in sync with God. Perhaps I'm just to bear it all with Spirit-given grace and dignity and get on with it.

This is the ascesis.

Yarn Along: 3x3

School is back in session after Jonas put us all on hold for four long days.  The temps have warmed into the 40s, so things are starting to melt and thaw.  The roads are mostly just wet, although the shoulders and corners are still full of snow.  Parking is still a bit dodgy, so I'm getting everyone to and from school on foot.  But things are slowly returning to normal.  We had a bit of a trek to get the boys to school this morning on foot, but we made it!

During all the snow, I got a lot of knitting done.  I made two more pilot caps for the girls for church, using up two random skeins of yarn in the process.  I'll try to get photos of the girls wearing them soon.  Birdie has been wearing hers to school.

I was trying to get some of my projects further along before casting on new stuff, so naturally I cast on a new sweater yesterday:

Sometimes I just can't help myself.  I'm to the point on my Saucy Librarian sweater (below) that it is just boring knit rounds for a few more inches, and it is hard to stick with it for more than a bit at a time.  The sport weight makes for a nice-looking finished product, but it isn't particularly speedy on the pins.  The green is a wonderful, slightly variegated rich hunter green.  The color isn't showing up well in the photo, but I'm really eager to finish this sweater and wear it!  At least the raglan increases on the blue pullover (above) are keeping my attention.  I will say this is my first time working with the Wool of the Andes from KnitPicks.  I couldn't resist the price, although I was concerned about the itch factor.  The yarn is strange--it feels rough in my hands while I'm knitting it, but when I rub the fabric or the skein against my skin, it feels perfectly soft and itch-free.  I guess that is a good thing!  I got a KnitPicks gift card for Christmas and I'm considering a gray Ramona in the bulky superwash version of this yarn.

I also cast on a sweater for one of the girls.  I bought this pink yarn last fall, but I realized it doesn't really suit me and I don't need a pink sweater of this weight in my closet.  So I'm going to turn it into two sweaters for the girls, plus caps and leg warmers.  It is superwash wool, so I think it will work great.  I'm planning to modify the pattern for long sleeves.  I love the short sleeve option, as well as the fact that it keeps the sleeves out of their dinner plates, but Ponchik especially gets cold easily, so I think long sleeves would be better for her at least.  Birdie seems to like the shorter sleeves, so maybe I'll do one of each.

I'm no further on my Stockbridge Rosemont cardigan.  I'm also considering casting on a cowl, just to have a small project to work on.

I finished watching Nikita this weekend as well.  I was reluctant to get into that show at first, because I thought they couldn't possibly improve on the two movies and television show from the late 1990s.  I was a big fan of the USA show starring Peta Wilson and Roy Dupuis.

I was wrong.  This version of Nikita was an excellent reboot, and the casting superb.  The storytelling was wonderful, and I liked that they didn't simply retell the Nikita legend, but rather picked up where the others left off, in a way.  I really loved the Nikita/Michael love story in this version.  The dynamic between Maggie Q and Shane West was really fun to watch.  I've been a fan of Shane West since A Walk to Remember, and find him even more interesting to watch now that he's grown up (he is almost exactly the same age as me, so like Claire Danes, I'm weirdly interested.  I guess it is a peer group thing?)

I know some people complained about the ending of the series, but I actually found it quite satisfying.   My only complaint is that I think the last season could have been fleshed out better over thirteen episodes, but if the network only gives you six, you get it done in six!  It wasn't a pat ending, it left a little bit open to interpretation, but also tied up almost all the loose ends in a clever and truthful way.  The storyline from season three about Michael (no spoilers!) gave me an idea for a story of my own, and also made me think a bit.  

I really loved the nods to the original movies and show.  The set design for Division was clearly influenced by Section One, and I loved that they worked in a recurring guest spot for Alberta Watson, who was a scary mainstay of the original show.  (Bonus that they even called her character on Nikita Madeline!) In Section One there was no paper--everything was on tablets, which was unheard of at the time.  This is also true in Division, and there is a humorous sequence in season three about Fletcher's overflowing desk.

I also enjoyed the way that the group dynamic was built over several seasons.  It started out as Nikita by herself, and then grew to a ensemble cast that I really loved and cared about.  I especially liked Noah Bean's character of Fletcher, and the arc he takes.

I tried watching Salem, Shane West's historical drama about the Salem witch trials, but I had to shut it off.  It was too scary for me!   Which is too bad, because it is quite well done, and has a pretty stellar cast (including Xander Berkeley from Nikita!).  I have a pretty low threshold for scary stuff.  I only got into the X-Files in the later seasons, and even then I was covering my eyes half the time!

As for reading, I'm working on Gift from the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh, and 10 Prayers God Always Says Yes To.  I think my Lenten reading this year is going to include Flannery O'Connor's Prayer Journal.  I also have Matthew B. Crawford's World Inside Your Head on my stack, but mostly I'm looking for some engaging fiction.  I still have an Arkady Renko novel to read, plus a few Lazarus/Decker mysteries from Faye Kellerman, but I'm just not that enthused about them.  I've been so sick lately that I can't stay awake to read for very long.  I really want something like the Outlander series, that will be well written and researched, big, and absorbing, while at the same time giving me things to think about.  Every historical novel I've read in the last six months has annoyed me for one reason or another--mostly because of poor research.  I don't want to be taken out of a story because there is some glaring historical error, however small.  I think a lot of stuff gets published and put into amazon's kindle library that isn't well-written.  It's hard to separate the wheat from the chaff.  Perhaps I should get back to C.S. Lewis.  He never disappoints.

Linking with Ginny for Yarn Along!

Talking Tuesday: Four Thoughts on Humility

A college chum wrote the following on his facebook page last week.  I thought it quite helpful, and asked permission to reprint here, which he granted.

"Four Thoughts on Humility

1. Humility isn't thinking less of yourself. Everyone—including you—deserves to be treated with kindness.
Humility is letting go of the illusion that putting your best *self* forward is more important than being fully present. Refinement is important; authenticity is vital.


2. Humility isn't thinking of yourself less. By all means, notice *how* you do (or don't do) what you intend. To improve outcomes, it's necessary to attend to process.
Humility is letting go of the illusion that defending your "self" from accusations is more important than defending the opportunity for everyone—including you, and including any accusers—to learn and grow. Improving process takes time. That's life.

3. Humility isn't thinking so little of what you can offer that you stop offering. The world needs kindhearted listeners: can you listen, without judging? The world needs workers: can you lend a hand? What brings you and others joy, when you share it? Can you share more of that?
Humility is recognizing that your offering doesn't have to be the best… or even all that good. If you practice giving, what and how you give will likely improve—but even now, even if you're on a gurney, with a simple smile you can give something worthwhile.

4. Humility isn't thinking less of the organizations you're a part of, even if they make a difference in only a few lives. Every life, including yours, is important.
Humility is recognizing your own smallness, in the big scheme of things. In the *really* big scheme of things, we're *all* small. And yet, we're alive!

Together, can we make this life a good one? You and I can each, wherever we are, with those we're around, co-create conditions for celebration. (We can C-C-C-C.) And along the way, humbly—in all the glory of our smallness—we can celebrate!"

~Matthew McNatt, posted to personal Facebook page, January 20, 2016

Pincushion Dress

How did everyone on the East Coast survive the weekend?  We are still digging out.  We got about 2' of snow, and the roads are still not really that passable.  My kids are off school today as well.  My husband and I both have terrible colds right now, so it was a mixed blessing to be snow-bound this weekend.  My husband did the brunt of the shoveling, including several hours on the roof, but I also did a bit, since we had agreed to shovel out our neighbors' place since they were away.  I pulled a muscle in my rib cage, so it hurts a bit to breathe, but otherwise, I'm okay, just congested.  I was grateful to have a full bottle of Robitussin CF on hand on Friday night!  

I went to Whole Foods a little while ago and I've never seen anything like it.  It was eerie.  The place was quiet, and the produce department striped bare.  There were no eggs to be had.  There was still quite a bit of milk, and other dairy products, and dry goods were reasonably stocked still.  The guy at the meat counter told me they hadn't had a truck since Thursday.  

It reminded me of some Soviet-era grocery stores I went to the in the late 1990s in Russia.  I've lived here nine years, and gone through some pretty harsh winters, including some epic storms.  People in the city always panic ahead of a storm, but this was different somehow.

In any case, our kids are having fun on the big pile in the back patio.  It is especially high because of all the snow my husband shoveled off the roof! Ponchik was not a fan--she kept saying "It's too deep!" and basically refused to leave the area right next to the doorway.  She only went out once for about 10 minutes.

It took a bit to grade the hill for sliding, but the kids got it done in a hurry.  My husband had thought to make a little fort underneath by putting a trash can on its side before the snow started, but now the can is thoroughly stuck and kind of useless.  I'm just hoping it doesn't break under the weight of the snow--it has belled out quite a bit.  There is also a trash bag buried in the snow that we will just have to wait for a thaw.

Thought I'd show my latest Dottie Angel frock.  I made this one last week before the snow hit.  The weight of the fabric is probably better suited to spring and summer, but I wanted to make something kind of cheerful.  I made some key mistakes with my winter rotation and it ended up kind of drab and boring.

Besides, with a heavy sweater and silk underwear, I'm pretty toasty!  

I decided to trim the whole thing with visible bias, because I thought that the print was so busy it might benefit from being visually broken up.  I also tried to run elastic all the way across the front, from bust tuck to bust tuck, but I hated the way it felt on, so I tacked the ends and trimmed the middle, so there is just elastic where the bust tucks would be, as with the Vignette dress.

The light is really weird today, so forgive the oddly dark photos.  My only complaint about the dress is that I should have made the sleeve caps slightly narrower--I think 11" is a bit too wide for the way that the middle of the dress sits on my body.  It is plenty wearable, but I think 10" or even 9" would be just fine.  I do really like the way this pattern mimics a lot of 1940s housedresses look.  

How great is this fabric?  It is little tomato pincushions!  I normally stay away from "cutesy" novelty prints, but this one just called my name.  I really love the bold color scheme.  

It also reminds me of a vintage apron I own that is in a similar color scheme (but in florals).  It also has visible red bias trim, so I'm sure that influenced my decision to trim the edges this way!

I shortened the back elastic a tad, and will probably shorten it slightly again on the next one.

In short: another success!

Just the facts:

Pincushion dress: Simplicity 1080, Tom-Tom organic cotton fabric from Fabric Depot.com, scarlet bias trim

Eyelet slip: A Slip Shop (etsy)

Red cotton Sweater: Style & Co. via ebay

Button earrings: willfulmina's etsy shop

Tights: Foot Traffic Signature Cotton Tights in heather mocha

Navy rain boots: crocs (my green Chookas developed a bad hole in the back last week--these were a last ditch effort to replace ahead of the storm!  They fit okay and are functional)

Yarn Along: Kid Knitting

So this happened:

I actually made something for my kids!  (I generally don't make for others, for a variety of reasons).  It happened that I had several balls of the jungle green Amherst leftover after my Ramona, and thought, why not?  A friend had posted an adorable picture of her daughter in a newly completed "In Threes" cardigan, and I thought, I could make that!  

So I did!  It is a very easy top-down yoke construction--I'm thinking I'll make this one again, and probably look for other long-sleeve iterations.  I had just enough yarn for this one.  There is a tiny bit left for some bit or bob.  I'm ruminating on how best to use those spare bits up.  Probably leg warmers for the girls.  Or multi-colored mitts.

Speaking of leg warmers, Ponchik and Birdie have officially stolen my mitts from last winter and use them every day for leg warmers.  I don't mind, actually, as they weren't getting much use from me, and they are perfect leg warmers for them.  Ponchik has my green ones (pictured) and Birdie has my lava Swish ones.  Ponchik also got my Miss Marple Scarf since it was too short for me.  It is very cute on her!  She wears it every day.  I probably need to make her another one too.

I came up with the idea of using the gauntlets for leg warmers after a cold walk to school one day and Ponchik's lower legs were just so cold by the time we got back.  I figured a bit of wool on the calves wouldn't go amiss!

When she has her shoes on, they almost look like boots!

Birdie was pretty happy about the sweater.  It is slightly too big on her, but I guess that means we'll get more than one winter's wear out of it!

I also used up the leftover striped yarn from their christmas hats to make leg warmers.  I'm still finishing the last one for Ponchik, but Birdie has worn hers several times already.  Nice to have someone appreciate what I make!

The striping came out totally differently on Birdie's because I gauged up on the needles.  I knitted them flat and then seamed the back, but I may try to figure out a way to knit these in the round (but not on dpns, because those are torture devices for me!)

Better view of Ponchik's green warmers:

I have some pinkish Swish yarn I bought in the fall, intending a cardigan for myself, but I think I may use it to make caps and sweaters for the girls--I don't look so great in that particular shade of pink, and I'm thinking that I really don't need a pink cardigan of that weight in my closet.  I had bought it to go with my Melody challis blouse, but I think I will only wear that blouse in warmer weather, so perhaps I need to look for something lightweight and cotton in ready-to-wear instead.

And a Dottie Angel frock preview!  I really went crazy with the visible bias on this one, and I'm glad I did--the busy print needed just a tiny bit of contrast, I think.  Aren't those little pin cushion tomatoes cute?  I normally stay away from "cutesy" prints for myself, but I just couldn't pass this one up.

Proper photos of the dress coming soon!

I'm also reading Anthony DeStefano's 10 Prayers That God Always Says Yes To, and finding it to be a good and profound read.  I bought it a couple of years ago and forgot about it.  I unearthed it during a closet reorganization and decided to crack it.  It is a slim volume, but needs slow and attentive reading.  It is much better than I expected.  I'm sure I'll be reviewing it here soon.  I've got Dreher's How Dante book on my desk to review soon as well.  In the meantime, we are mostly stocked and ready for Jonas!

Linking with Ginny for Yarn Along!

Talking Tuesday: More Benedict Option

It is Theophany today, so I'm off to church with the kids in a minute.  I just finished reading How Dante Can Save Your Life, and want to discuss that in a separate post.  For today, I wanted to share two excellent posts from Rod Dreher in the last few days on the Benedict Option--a shorthand term for a strategic cultural retreat by Christians in order to preserve the faith and pass it on to the next generation, while still being salt and light in the present.

In "There and Back Again", Dreher summarizes a recent interview with David Brooks, whose career has moved away from writing about politics to writing about morality and spirituality.  My husband read and enjoyed Brooks' latest book last year.  It is on my list.

Writes Dreher:

"In his interview, Brooks says when he talks about things like this in places like suburban Connecticut, the women in the audience love it, but the men get antsy, tell him that he’s making them uncomfortable, and that they would rather talk about Chris Christie’s prospects. There’s something important in that response. We are a people, broadly speaking, aware of our deep lack, but we are also unwilling to sacrifice the time and the liberty to invest in the ways of thinking and living that could deliver us from our decadence."

~Rod Dreher, "There And Back Again" The American Conservative Blog, January 13, 2015.

In "Gardeners, Knights, and The Benedict Option", Dreher summarizes a talk given by James Lewis III, a Catholic BenOp living on a suburban farm in Witchita, KS.  

Lewis spoke at the Eighth Day Books conference there this weekend, and talked about how the Benedict Option means self-restraint and making counter-cultural choices in the pursuit of holiness.

"A knight, he says, exemplifies courage, self-restraint, and perseverance in service of a higher end. This makes the knight a “witness” to the world. To be a true knight, he said, you have to be willing to be unusual. Even something as simple as having no TV in the house is enough to make you stand out as a freak in today’s world.

“People will ask, ‘How do you live that way? You ask back, ‘Well, how do you live that way?’ We live in different worlds.”"

~Rod Dreher, "Gardeners, Knights, And the Benedict Option" American Conservative Blog, January 19, 2015

Dreher notes in How Dante Can Save Your Life that the root of sin is the failure to love rightly.  I think it is worth exploring how we should love, and how we teach our children to love as Christ loved.  We must walk the path to theosis ourselves, but also teach our children to walk the path as well.  One foot at a time, sometimes with great strides, other times with mincing steps.  It is a daunting but necessary task.

Vignette

I think this is my favorite thing I've made so far this winter.  It is another Dottie Angel frock, using some printed floral broadcloth from Michael Miller.

I got lucky with the sweater--it is an older LLBean wool sweater that I found on ebay a week or so ago.  It is the perfect shape and length for this style of dress, in my opinion.  The color was a perfect match.  My kiwi cowl was also a good match to the green in the print.  I finished my mitts yesterday afternoon (I had finished knitting them a few days ago, but had to seam them up).  They are functional more than pretty, but at least they were a fast knit.

I made a few changes this iteration from the last one:

1) I lengthened the dress 1 1/2 inches total.

2) I used elastic in place of the bust tucks at the front.  I may experiment with elastic placement in the front on future iterations.

3) I made the elastic in the back a bit longer (I think I will shorten it on the next one)

4) I raised the back neckline another 1/2" for a total of 2 1/2" from the original pattern line

5) I added more sleeve coverage and converted the kimono sleeves to cut-on sleeves with a 1/2" under sleeve.  It made the bias application much easier and the side seams much cleaner.  I used my Emery bodice block as a guide.

6) I sewed down the bias on the pockets, which gave me a double line of stitching around the edges, but not having the edges of the bias flapping around in the pocket was worth it.  That annoyed me a bit on the Flea Market dress.  I suppose if I wanted to spend more time on it, and wanted only one line of top stitching, I could hand sew the bias down, but I don't mind the second line of stitching and it isn't that noticeable anyway.

It was about 19 degrees this morning, so I wasn't about to faff around without a sweater for photos, so these will have to do.  I did get a silk long undershirt from my husband for my namesday on Friday, and I put it to good use today!  I'm really impressed with how warm I've been today!  I ordered a pair of pants too, to wear under my heavy cotton tights.

Sorry for the blurry back shot.  As I said, it was cold, and I didn't want to retake it!

I really love this color palette!  I have a spring weight teal cardigan that will match the blue flowers later on.

Just the facts:

Vignette dress: Simplicity 1080, Michael Miller broadcloth (from fabric.com), bias tape, elastic

Wool sweater: LLBean via ebay

Kiwi cowl: me-made, Stockbridge yarn, kiwi colorway

Kiwi mitts: me-made Stockbridge yarn

Tights: Foot Traffic Signature cotton tights in gray

Boots: Payless

Earrings: etsy

~wiws~ Christmas dress

This dress was supposed to be my Christmas dress. 

{We celebrate on the Old Calendar, January 7}

Imagine my dismay when I put it on Christmas morning before liturgy, only to discover that I had sewn the back bodice to the front skirt.  *facepalm*  It didn't look too awful backward, but it felt really weird, and I knew I would be uncomfortable all day.  To add insult to injury, the Miss Marple Scarf I made to go with it was too short.  As in, it fit Ponchik rather well.  There was obviously no time to fix anything right then.

I decided to let Ponchik have the scarf and welcome, but I confess, I almost didn't want to fix the dress.  I knew it wouldn't take that long, but I was really disgusted with myself.  In my defense, the day I was sewing this dress, I had pulled a muscle in my rib cage and was in quite a lot of pain.  I couldn't sit, stand, or lay down without hurting a lot.  So I guess my mind wasn't really in the game.

I did finally get myself together last week and fixed it so I would have something to wear to church for the last of the 12 days of Christmas, also for the party we threw at our house this afternoon for the 12th Night.  (Technically it is tomorrow, but tomorrow is a fasting day, so we'll call it the Eve and say we're good)  We've just put the house back together after about 40 guests, including about 17 children!!  A good time was had by all, I think.

I have absolutely nothing to report about the construction--it was a straight up Frankendress, with a bit of length added to the bodice, which was just right.  Except now I can't remember exactly what I did.  I guess I'll have to measure the bodice pieces to see.  I'm also really loving my Ramona sweater now that I've fixed the sleeve cuffs.  It was quite cold today and I was totally warm and comfortable, especially at coffee hour after church, which is held in a largely unheated basement space in our church.  Yay merino wool!  We also got some unexpected snow--it was the perfect amount for a party day--enough to dust and look pretty, but not enough to stick and make the roads dodgy.

Just the facts:

Berry Tinsel dress: Me-made, Cotton+Steel "Pomegranate" fabric, Frankenpattern

Ramona cardigan: me-made, fall 2015

Pinecone earrings: willfulmina's etsy shop

Tights: Foot Traffic Signature Cotton tights in Navy

Boots: Payless

Linking with FLAP for What I Wore Sunday!

STATurday: Six Months

Six months ago, I went to my first appointment with a nutritionist who seemed like she could sort my dietary issues (which are numerous).  She was game to try, in any case.  I knew I needed to lose weight, get on top of my nutrition, and generally start making some changes.

I had a rocky start.

But at least it was a start.  A week later, I joined the gym and officially started on this crazy weight loss journey.  I had some modest success to start, and got into a good routine of working out, counting calories, and generally feeling good about the direction things were going.

Then, at the end of August, I had a routine endoscopy.  I have chronic dysphagia due to EoE, and it had gotten worse during the preceding months.  I hoped they would dilate my esophagus, which has helped a lot in the past.  That procedure sent me into a dark health tunnel that I think I'm only beginning to see daylight on.  Sometime in September, I moved to a soft thick diet that consisted primarily of Chex, cottage cheese, lite Swiss cheese slices, protein smoothies, Cream of Wheat, and the occasional mashed potato.  And dark chocolate, because it melts on the way down.  I had to watch my calorie intake very closely because it was easy to go over my daily limit on such foods.

Sometime in early November, I decided I had to stop working out because my nutritional profile was so poor and my fatigue so high.  My hair has been falling out again, and my skin and nails are terrible.  I still walk the boys to school most days, so I am getting some movement into my day, but I am no longer burning 1000 calories before 9:00 a.m. as before.

Since August, I've had several ER visits for food and medicine stuck in my throat, have aspirated a few pills, had some food impactions that I dealt with at home, a perforation scare, and had three more endoscopies, two with dilation.  A normal esophagus is 18 mm in diameter.  When we started the process of dilating it, in November, I was less than 8.  I'm now up to 15 mm, and am starting to eat a wider variety of foods again, but it has been a rocky road.

Eating and taking my daily medicines is a stressful experience for me. I'm now able to eat ground beef, and have had some modest successes with a few other foods, but I still have a lot of days where I can't face food getting stuck in my throat, so I go with what is now familiar and easy.  I also have a lot of days where food actually does still get stuck, so there's that.  And that is setting aside the allergy and digestive issues I have on top of all of this.  Most days, I just want to chuck it all out the window.

Needless to say, it has been a rough few months.  Today I went back to the gym.  It was the first day I felt I could manage it.  I decided to walk for two miles at 3.5 mph with 4.0 elevation, and stop at the end.  No pushing on, no seeing if I could run a few laps, just walking.  It was enough.  I had a 515 calorie burn, and I felt good after working out, but not destroyed for the rest of the day.  I'm quite tired today anyway, after a week of Birdie screaming/fussing every hour or two all night long, so I didn't want to push it.  We also just got word that my husband will argue another case before the Supreme Court this spring, so I know I have to pace myself for the next few months.

On to stats for today.  As of today, I'm down a total of 23 pounds, and 17.7 inches.  I'm wearing a medium on top and a large on the bottom in most brands now, and am ordering a whole size down at eShakti.  I've had to grade down my slopers and am sewing my Frankendress about a size smaller.  Some vintage pieces I thought would never fit again fit quite well now, and I've shrunk out of almost everything I made last year.  I still have about 12 pounds to my personal goal weight, but I'm within 5 pounds of the weight loss target that the trainer at the gym gave me in July.  I don't know how often I'll be getting to the gym, but I will keep moving as much as I can, staying active in my daily life, counting calories, and trying to improve my nutritional profile.

In short: I intend to keep on keeping on.

On the Eighth Day: Dottie Angel!!

On the Eighth Day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...

A DOTTIE ANGEL FROCK!!!!

Meet my new dress pattern: Simplicity 1080 (aka, The Dottie Angel Frock).  To say I'm excited about this dress would be a slight understatement.  I started reading Dottie Angel's blog sometime last spring, just as she was winding it down to pursue other things.  I love her whimsical writing style, and her sartorial efforts really grabbed my attention.  

I originally found Tiff through etsy, when I stumbled across her Dottie Angel frocks (in her shop of the same name).  I saved the listing, intending to purchase one at some point, but then she stopped making them to sell!  I was disappointed.  I had started reading her blog in the meantime, and at some point last year, she announced that Simplicity was going to release a pattern version of her dresses!  I stalked the Simplicity website for a few months in the late spring and summer, but the release was a delayed a bit, and then I got sidetracked by other things.

Fast forward to December, when I was browsing at Fabric Depot, and stumbled across the very pattern!  I snapped it up quick, along with some fun novelty cotton in a tomato pincushion print (stay tuned!)

I decided to make a wearable muslin to start, and used this Flea Market Fancy fabric from Hart's Fabric as a starter project.  It was on sale, and I really liked the colorway.  I thought it would be a nice neutral print dress to add to my winter rotation.

I intended to make the dress exactly according to the pattern instructions, but ended up making some changes straight out of the envelope, and also as I went along.  I intend to make further changes on the next iteration (already cut out!)  My changes were as follows:

1) I raised the back neckline by 2" as I could tell it was going to be too low for my taste.  I'm raising it another 1/2" on the next one.

2) I extended the kimono sleeve caps out because I like more upper arm coverage.  I used my Portrait blouse pattern as a guide.  I don't particularly like how they come together at the side seam, so my next version is going to be cut-on sleeves, using my Frankenpattern bodice block as a guide.

3) I added 2" to the dress length.  I'm going to take 1/2" off that for the next one.

4) I dropped the bust tucks down about 1 1/2" as I could tell they were going to end up too high.(Nursing four babies doesn't exactly make for perky...ah...assets!)

5) I removed the ties at the bust tucks because they looked kind of weird on me.  I added a strip of elastic across the mid-back to cinch it in instead (and I know Tiff has done this a lot as well); my next version will have elastic instead of the tucks in the front as well, just to try something different.

6) I cut a medium for the back and a small for the front.  I wanted to be sure it would fit in the shoulders, so I cut according to the finished bust measurements. I do have a bit more in my backside, so I wanted a little extra room in the back.  I measured the pattern pieces before I cut to make sure it would come out right and it did!

7) The pattern has you make French seams for the side seams, and I think I would skip this step next time.  I also will skip the bias tape finishing on the shoulder seams, as I think it is unnecessary and I don't care for the visible seams at the shoulder lines.  I could see doing a French seam at the shoulders, however.  I also don't love that the seam allowances on the dress are different at almost every seam, and the instructions for the French seams don't give a seam allowance for the second seam at all!  I had to guess and made them 3/8", as with the shoulders.  The instructions do make for nicely finished insides, but adds a lot of time and hassle that I don't think is necessary.  I've been pinking the seams on my clothes for the last two years and haven't had a problem yet.  

I'm pretty happy with this iteration, and have worn it twice already!  I sort of burned out on my Frankenpattern sometime this fall, but haven't been successful in finding a replacement for it.  I've also been moving my Frankenpattern toward this basic silhouette for the past year.  What I really wanted, however, was something without a waist seam.  I like a semi-fitted look, but I'm realizing lately that I don't love having a lot of feedback from my clothing around my middle.  This dress silhouette just ticks a lot of sartorial boxes for me, and has the added bonus of looking good with a longer line cardigan.  I'm very short waisted, so it has been hard for me to find the right length of cardigan to wear with my Frankenpattern dresses--anything longer than waist-length looks a tad frumpy on my figure.  This dress seems to work with either at-waist cardigans or more long-line.  

I pulled out my green Ramona cardigan since it coordinated so well.  I ended up reknitting the ribbing on the sleeve cuffs this week because the original ribbing was too loose and wide (I hadn't sized down on the needles when I made it, and always regretted not doing so).  The fix was pretty fast and easy, and I'm MUCH happier with the sweater now.  

The pocket was modestly confusing at first, and added about an extra hour to the construction time, because I messed it up twice, but now that I've done it, I'll do it better/faster next time.  Patch pockets are not my favorite, but I do like the little tuck on these.  I also plan to move these 1/2" toward the side seam on the next one, as I think they are just slightly too close to the center of the dress for ease of use.

I think this dress will be pretty fabulous in the fall as well.  I wore it to the annual church Christmas party on Sunday afternoon and I was so comfortable all day!  I could stand an extra layer underneath it today, but that is easily fixed.

Let the Dottie Angel Frock parade begin!!

Just the facts:

Flea Market dress: me-made, Simplicity 1080, Flea Market Fancy fabric from Denyse Schimdt, bias tape, elastic

Ramona cardigan: me-made, Amherst worsted yarn in Jungle

Earrings: Etsy

Necklace: inherited from my gram

Tights: Foot Traffic Signature Cotton Tights in Chocolate

Boots: Payless

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