Talking Tuesday: The Fiery Cross: Risk and Promise

I am deeply interested in art that speaks to the reality of the human condition.  I am drawn to movies and television shows that explore this as an underlying theme, and the books and musical albums that resonate most strongly with me are studies in humanity--the dark places we all inhabit at times, as well as the sunny places of light and goodness that can shine through terrible circumstances.

I am interested in actors who take on these sorts of projects and really dive deep into that exploration. I am fascinated just watching them unfold a character, a slow layer at a time.  (Richard Armitage, Michael Fassbender, Tobias Menzies, Sam Heughan, Ralph Fiennes, Cillian Murphy, Ioan Gruffud,  Rooney Mara, Nicole Kidman, Ewan McGregor, Tilda Swinton, Henry Cavill, Damian Lewis, Claire Danes, Eddie Redmayne, Idris Elba, Dominic Cooper, Romola Garai, Daniel Day-Lewis, Sarah Smart, Andrea Riseborough, James Spader, and Kenneth Branagh spring immediately to mind)

It is why I like Steve McQueen's movies (no, not that McQueen), even though they are hard to watch at times.  It was what I liked about the early seasons of Grey's Anatomy (before it went off the rails somewhere around season six)  I remember reading an interview with Michael Fassbender a few years ago, and he said that one of the things he liked about working with McQueen was his ability to ask, through a movie, "What are we doing here? Where are we going as people?  What are we doing to one another to get there?"  Ron Moore asks similar questions in the Starz production of Outlander.  So does The Americans. These are deeply fascinating questions to me.   My favorite musicians tend to explore these things through their songwriting.  Sting's latest album, The Last Ship, is a deep row through the waters of his childhood; in it, he discusses the loss of the ship building business in the north of England and what that did to the social fabric of life where he grew up.  It is an album that leaves one with much to ponder.

I hesitated a long time over posting today's selection because I try to avoid posting about certain topics, and yet, they are part of the experience of being human, and of human relationships--most particularly of a marriage relationship. So I'm going to take a deep breath and hit publish. *ducks and hides*

There is so much in Diana Gabaldon's books that illustrates the truth in the human condition.  I think it is why I come back to them year after year, and always find something new that speaks to me.  I'm re-reading the series again, and am up to The Fiery Cross (Book Five).  I post the following without commentary or context.  I edited the passage slightly.

   "Ye didna bring any with you," he said.  "When ye came back." 

[ . . . ]

   

   "No, " I said, a little faintly.

He paused a moment [. . .]

   "Why not?" he asked quietly.

   "I...well, I...I actually--I thought--you have to keep taking them.  I couldn't have brought enough. There's a permanent way, a small operation. It's fairly simple, and it makes one permanently...barren."  I swallowed.  Viewing the prospect of coming back to the past, I had in fact thought seriously about the possibilities of pregnancy--and the risks.  I thought the possibility very low indeed, given both my age and previous history, but the risk...

   Jamie stood stock-still, looking down.

   "For God's sake, Claire," he said at last, low-voiced. "Tell me ye did it." 

I took a deep breath, and squeezed his hand, my fingers slipping a little.

   "Jamie," I said softly, "if I'd done it, I would have told you."  I swallowed again.  "You...would have wanted me to?"  He was still holding my hand. [. . .] His skin was warm on mine.  We stood close together [. . .] for several minutes.  He sighed then, chest rising under my ear.

   

   "I've bairns enough," he said quietly.  "I've only the one life--and that's you, mo chridhe." I reached up and touched his face.  It was furrowed with tiredness, rough with whiskers; he hadn't shaved in days. 

   I had thought about it.  And had come very close indeed to asking a surgeon friend to perform the sterilization for me.  Cold blood and clear head had argued for it; no sense in taking chances.  And yet...there was no guarantee that I would survive the journey, would reach the right time or place, would find him again.  Still less, a chance that I might conceive again at my age.

  And yet, gone from him so long, not knowing if I might find him--I could not bring myself to destroy any possibility between us.  I did not want another child.  But if I found him, and he should want it...then I would risk it for him.

   [. . .] Our lovemaking was always risk and promise--for if he held my life in his hands when he lay with me, I held his soul and knew it.

~Diana Gabaldon, The Fiery Cross, New York: Delacorte Press, 2001, pp 183-184.

10th Anniversary and Me-Made May Week 1 Round Up

Today is our 10th wedding anniversary.  10 years ago today, it was a Sunday (Mother's Day) and sunny and just a little bit hot.  We were married at the beautiful ROCOR cathedral in Chicago by our spiritual father, Archimandrite Gerasim (formerly abbot of St. Herman of Alaska monastery in Platina, CA).  By a strange twist of coincidence, Ponchik's godparents share our anniversary date.

My mom made my dress and did all the flowers and centerpieces.

There were several bishops involved in blessing our union, as monastics do not not ordinarily attend weddings, much less administer the rite.

We were married on Thomas Sunday, and two weeks before the wedding, I received a call from the rector of the cathedral.  He spoke no English, and my Russian (especially on the phone) is not that great.  At first I thought he was trying to tell us that we couldn't get married at the church!  

(This had been my fear all along, as the church was reserved basically on a handshake and a promise).  I envisioned us having to get married in the parking lot of the church and had a small meltdown in my mind before I realized that the rector was merely inquiring as to who would be performing the ceremony, as he would be out of town that day.  Whew!  

The day was, for the most part, lovely, and we left the next day for a honeymoon in Scotland.  My little historian heart was in high heaven.  I've wanted to go back ever since.  

I love this photo of me and my mom.  She is possibly the world's worst dancer, but always game to learn some new moves if someone will do them with her and show her how.  I think we were laughing ourselves silly by this point.


(It's funny what time and perspective will give you; I was thinking as I was looking at these photos how thin I was!  I certainly didn't feel it then.)

Can't get married to a Greek guy in a Russian cathedral without some hasapiko.

So.  Me-Made May.  Nothing like a challenge to point out glaring weaknesses in the closet department.  My take away from the first week is that I *really* am not digging most of my separates and at least three of the Frankendresses I made recently (one of which I haven't even worn/blogged about yet).  On the other hand, I think my spring/summer wardrobe could benefit from some thinning out, so it might not be a bad thing.

(Green Geometry dress, Coral Reef blouse, Lime Flowers dress, Not a Swirl Watermelon dress, Vintage floral blouse)

The keen-eyed amongst you will notice that the vintage floral blouse now has white buttons instead of green.  There are a whole host of reasons why I changed them out (and then changed them out again for a different white set), but suffice to say, I'm much happier with the blouse now and can't wait to wear it again after it gets out of the wash.

(Florence dress, Strawberry Fields Forever blouse/green linen Hollyburn skirt, Shelburne Falls dress)

On the other hand, I realized that I really *do* like the fit of the Florence dress, and that I really like it for this in-between weather we are having.  I also realized that part of the problem I was having with that dress was with the self-belt (that I never showed on the blog).  It just wasn't enough contrast, and the black belt just looks better.  Easy fix.  I also really like the 1930s vibe that the Florence dress has.  I think I may go back to cutting the skirt section slimmer like the pattern indicates, as this silhouette is kind of my favorite thing right now.  I do like the Strawberry Fields blouse with my green Hollyburn, however.  And maybe that chambray skirt isn't so bad.  We'll see how the rest of the month shakes out.  I've still got to make my Historical Sew Monthly entry, plus one or two other little things.

Odds and Ends, Vol. 12

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I think anyone who has read this blog for any amount of time knows that we struggle with whether or not the city is ultimately the best place for our family.  We love many aspects of city life, and there are many ways in which our family life would radically change were we to decamp to the country, not all of them good for our kids.  With that in mind, I found this article to be particularly thought-provoking.   It is an interesting book review on the changes wrought in Lancaster County and in rural life in general over time.  We recently spent a day in Lancaster, visiting some friends, and the place has its allure, and I completely understand why those fleeing the hardships of urban life would find it appealing.  It is tempting, however, to bring urban sensibilities to the farm, and it is not fair to do so.  We urban dwellers must consider ourselves outlanders when we leave the city, and to keep our own counsel, for just as we would bristle at a farmer telling an urbanite how to go about things, so the farmer has the right to feel put upon by city folk doing the same.  From the article:

"Although the problems facing rural communities like Lancaster have serious economic causes, I argue that their root is primary cultural. In the twentieth century, the city has replaced the country as the focus of American culture, and ruralites wanting growth and progress have looked to urban models. As American society has moved further from its agrarian roots, ruralness has come to be associated with the past, with a simpler time of peace and plenty when harmony prevailed.

This idea of the city-as-future and the country-as-past has aggravated the troubles of rural America since the Second World War. When urbanites see a rural community as an attractive lost Arcadia, their money can serve as a wedge for their ideas and force ruralites to accommodate their desire for peace, quiet, and recreation. Farmers and other rural residents needing to make a living are often forced to the opposite extreme, advocating progress at any cost; while ruralites who want to preserve farmland and other open space from development may be seen by their neighbors as catering to urban fantasies or as “living in the past.”

Americans’ failure to envision a model for rural progress—a present and a future that preserve the essential character of a rural place—has allowed the city to turn the country into a kind of economic and cultural colony."

Newly unearthed photos from the National Geographic archive.  Plus a few more.

10 Things No One Tells You About Marriage Beforehand (but they should!)  This is an excellent little exposition on how our culture's messages about marriage are thoroughly mixed up and also explains a better way to approach the marriage relationship.

Dwija talks about how hard it really is to be a stay-at-home mother, especially at the beginning.  Preach it, sista.

I'm not sure what I find most disturbing about this article: the fact that a two year old is asking Siri what an ear infection is instead of asking his father, or that the father is directing the pediatrician's questions about the child's malady to the child instead of being tuned in enough to the child's symptoms and illness to answer them himself.  The child is two.  In any case, a good reminder to leave the mobile device in the purse, on the counter, somewhere out of reach when spending time with kids.  Because, man.  Those dopamine receptors.  No respecter of persons.

Kara Tippetts is dying of cancer, but is making the most of the time she has left.  May we all face our ends with such serenity, such grace, such fortitude.

Brilliant entertainer Robin Williams is dead of apparent suicide; his demons got the best of him, and I'm sad for the suffering and mental illness he endured for most of his life.  I found this little response to the news timely and useful.

shorpy.com

Mat. Anna put me onto the Shorpy historical photo archive--so wonderful!!

shorpy.com

I'm only going to link a few articles here from this website, but please read the whole series (links at the bottom of the page).  It is a fascinating look at the garment industry from an insider, specifically addressing the problems of fitting and sizing, a topic that I think you'll agree affects all of us.  She talks about why vanity sizing is a myth (and I really do buy her argument), and why sizing is so frustrating to most people.  She offers some ideas to help, but we consumers also have a part to play--we need to be honest with ourselves about our measurements, and to have more realistic expectations from the garment industry as to what can be offered given demographics, economic reality, price issues, and so on. From one of the articles: 

"What it really boils down to is consumer expectation that they should be able to walk into any store, anywhere and pick out a medium and expect it to fit them but that’s just not reasonable. Particularly when many consumers are reluctant to pay the customary price points of that market. For example, it’s unreasonable for the average Wal-Mart customer -who only wants to pay Wal-Mart prices- to walk into Talbot’s and expect a Talbot’s medium to fit them and their pricing expectations so it’s unreasonable to expect every manufacturer to fit the full range of human size possibilities too. With companies free to fit “their” customer, you have more possibilities of locating a size that fits you than if sizes were standardized."

In short: not every retailer can or should serve everyone.  (For more information, please read this brief article on why J.Crew is offering XXXS clothing line)

I wrote earlier this week about modern retailing, and the problems of finding quality goods at a reasonable (note, I did not say "cheap") price.  I think for those of us who love vintage clothing or second hand furniture, shopping can become a bit of a problem.  With most other retailing, there is a sort of assembly line quality to it, and the almost sure knowledge that something similar (or possibly better) will come along if you don't buy it now. With vintage, the unique nature and rarity of it can inspire impulsive purchases, or even just ill-considered purchases.  I've been guilty, guilty, guilty of this, and I'm working to reexamine my shopping habits, particularly online, as I'm noticing that I've increasingly used it to self-soothe during times of stress.  At the end of the day, they are just things, and things are ephermeral.  We can't take them with us, so to speak.  Emileigh wrote an excellent post on the topic last week.

Image via

This is kind of cool: an artist's installation of a corner shop, all made of felt.

Putting on new perspecticles about the blessings in our lives (I go back and forth about Glennon Melton, but this one is worth a read; besides, she uses one of my favorite quotes: Beware of all enterprises which require new clothes.")

How to eat well on a food stamp diet. (includes a free full color downloadable cookbook).  I love projects like this--each meal is under $5, full of healthy nutritious ingredients, with easy substitutions for what is available, on sale, and reasonable to prepare.

Diligence, hard work, and a willingness to put up with hardship and scorn of the surrounding community are the ways out of poverty, but in the current cultural and political landscape, it is hard to effectively convey that message.

shorpy.com

The news from the Middle East is fairly horrific these days, especially for Christians.  I'm not always sure where to go with any of it--the wholesale slaughter of ancient Christian communities in Iraq and Syria has left me bewildered and fearful for the future.  Molly Sabourin provides a thoughtful response, as usual.

On a lighter note, Shana gives great tips for making a kid-friendly space in the back yard, and (most importantly, in my opinion) leaving them to it.

I've always said that crafting is as good as therapy (although probably not cheaper, once you factor in supplies). Turns out, it is true!

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A history of working class gardens in England.  I find this brief overview to be quite fascinating, particularly in light of several documentaries I watched recently on some grand estates in England, including Hampton Court, Althorp and Chatsworth.

If you are J-type personality like me (on the Myers-Briggs scale, this means someone who likes routines, closure, plans, control, etc), then you might find your to-do list can sometimes feel overwhelming and stressful, particularly those sorts of items that never seem to be "finished" or recur regularly.  I'm still thinking about Tasha Miller Griffith's novel approach to the infinite to-do list.

I didn't realize this until recently, but pink peppercorns are related to tree nuts like cashews, so if you have a serious tree nut allergy (and I do!), please avoid them!  They show up in fancy peppercorn mixes, and chefs often use them in nicer restaurants.  I've often had "x-factor" reactions, where I reacted to something I ate but had no idea what the culprit could be, even when I'd made or vetted the food myself.  I'm now wondering how often it was something like a pink peppercorn.  

Interesting: Carlo's Law of Metaphysics.

I'm quite fascinated by Jonathan Haidt's Moral Foundations Theory, and a recent thread on Rod Dreher's blog prompted a comment by Haidt himself, which then led off into a series of questions about the arts.  I'm still thinking about it.

Does language shape how we view the world?  This post neatly ties together several of my interests, including time, cultures, language, and history.  I do think that language has a direct impact on our thinking, mostly in that when we have more words to express our complex inner lives, or to describe our world, we can make better sense both inwardly and outwardly.  I have several phrases I can only use in Russian, because they don't translate.  Ditto for a few Dutch phrases I grew up with.  Yes, I can more or less explain what they mean in English, but the words in the original have a richness, a savory character on the tongue that feeds something deep in me.

The future of modern Islam and American Laïcité  (this article is interesting because it is written by a second generation immigrant and follower of Islam, but really, you could insert almost any religion into the framework he describes).

In light of my recent fascination with all things related to the Great War, I was pleased to find this little gem in my newsfeed recently.  It is a photographic history of solider's kits from 1066 to the present.  The presentation is wonderful, and the progression fascinating.

  Solider's Kit from Battle of Somme.  Image via

And in related Great War remembrances, poppies to remember the fallen at the Tower of London.   (Incidentely, I highly recommend the documentary on the Secrets of the Tower).

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Also: Was the Great War the last Crusade?  Philip Jenkins thinks so.  From the review:

"The Allied and Central powers depicted themselves as uniquely chosen by God to fulfill a civilizational and religious mission; demonized their enemies as Antichrist or Satan; portrayed the war as a Manichean struggle between good and evil; and promised world redemption if they and their allies triumphed, and nothing but human bondage and misery if their enemies prevailed.

Apocalypticism, encouraged by the war’s length, widening scope, and destructiveness, appeared in wartime novels and movies, animated radical political movements, and fueled end-time speculation made even more plausible among fervent premillennialists by the British army’s victory in Palestine—at biblical Armageddon, no less—and by the Balfour Declaration’s promise of a homeland for the Jews. This was a war of prophetic fulfillment."

Talking Tuesday: How to Apologize

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A few months ago, I ran across this article that talked about effective ways to apologize.  I thought that the script provided in the article was quite powerful, and we've been trying to make Piglet use it when he wrongs other people (the other kids are a little too young for it, although Boo might be able to "get it" soon).  Right now it is totally scripted on our part, but I'm hoping with time and practice that it will get more fluid and spontaneous.  We have to start somewhere, right?

Here is the script:

"I’m sorry for…

This is wrong because…

In the future, I will…

Will you forgive me?"

Simple, yet effective. I recommend to read the whole article, as there are many examples of how it works out for real kids.

Talking Tuesday: "This marriage is ours."

For today, a reflection on a decade of marriage, which I thought appropriate and spot-on.

Taken at the July wedding of some church friends.

"Over this past decade, there have been a good many things we used to have in common that we no longer do. Life changed us. We got bored with some things. We discovered new things. We discovered that stuff we thought we had in common really wasn’t. One by one, our preconceptions of what married life is supposed to be have come to light. Many have been set aside. But we still belong, and this marriage is ours."

~Fr. Andrew Damick, 

"A Decade That Belongs" August 17, 2013