Talking Tuesday: Facebook is broken

Found on Google images ages ago.

Donna is my friend and fellow academic (and a frequent commentator on this blog).   She and I have long discussed the intersection of technology and humanity as well as a diverse range of topics unrelated to academia.  

She is professionally interested in social media, and I've long followed her thoughts on Facebook in particular.  Coincidentally, we both changed the way we used Facebook in the past year, and while she has taken a full hiatus this summer, I've really tried to change the way I use it.  I disliked the heavy feeling I had almost every time I was on it, and sadness was a monkey on my back.  I didn't like the schizophrenic feeling I had of trying to keep all my past and present selves together.

Donna recently posted a long Facebook update that she later turned into a blog post, detailing her experience being off Facebook, and also how much she has soured on Facebook-as-platform.  Despite that, she chooses to stay active, but will be more deliberate in how she uses it.  

She writes:

"So, I just can't do it anymore, where 'it' means trying to get this tool I've studied as both a researcher and a user, since 2009 and 2005 respectively, to work the way I wish it did.

I've decided not to leave Facebook entirely though, because the other thing I realized during my Facebook hiatus this summer is that I do still wish to share things about my home life, my family, and some things about work (though FYI: most of my work-related sharing is on Twitter these days), with the people I've chosen to connect with on here.

I also use this account as a network node where I connect with those persons I want a way to be in contact with, whether they be new professional colleague-friends or other types of cool folks I meet and get to know through and in my days. I plan to continue to utilize the site in this manner.

But, I'm giving myself permission to do something I've never done on here before: I am going to share what I want to share, with no plans to view everyone else's posts *in aggregate* (that is, via any feed-type options this site offers users--because, as I said, they are all broken for me, for one reason or another).

Instead, I'll be keeping up with folks individually, deliberately, and mindfully, by visiting your profiles directly.

Basically, I'm stepping out of the stream, but still want to camp out on the bank and do my own thing at my own camp, so to speak, and visit your camps directly from now on (house calls!), versus trying to have a meaningful meeting while caught up in the current."

~Donna Witek, "Facebook is Broken," August 21, 2015, Information Constellation blog.

For me, Facebook started out as a way to stay in touch with my college chums--I was part of a close group, and we stayed in touch long after graduation, mostly through round robin style e-mails and Christmas letters.  The first person to invite me to Facebook in 2008 was one of those people.  I was eager for the chance to have a more meaningful interaction with the group of people who had meant a lot to me in college and the intervening years.  I was also stuck at home with a very colicky baby in a new city and lonely.  It felt like a lifeline.  Some of those older friendships have deepened over time, and I've made some new friends in the meantime, and I'm grateful to Facebook for standing as the platform for that.  

Over time, however, my experience of Facebook has grown less positive, particularly as the algorithms have changed, and the privacy settings more ephemeral.  I've developed a like-dislike relationship with it, as I feel it is a convenient way to keep up with a lot of people, and I've had some hugely positive interactions there, as well as support during times of trial, but I dislike the daily emotional toll it takes on me.

Now, I make a point of logging out of Facebook every time I go in to respond to a post or group.  It helps me not to mindlessly use it throughout the day--I have to be quite intentional to type in the login and password every time.  I don't read my newsfeed very often and I've mostly stopped posting status updates, although I do occasionally post photos, ask a question, or respond to something someone else posts on my wall.  I cannot give up Facebook entirely--there are too many members of my extended family as well as a few friends who rarely use e-mail to communicate any more, and it is a convenient way to stay in touch with a few people from way back.  

I do think that we aren't meant to hold all of our past and present selves together, and that we aren't meant to hold on to every relationship throughout our lives.  Some friendships are seasonal, and I think it is important to acknowledge that.  When Piglet was very tiny, there was a group of women who were very important to me--we were all learning the motherhood thing together and needed a lot of support from one another.  We've mostly lost touch with one another as our kids have grown and gone in different directions, but that is okay.  I think it is way of things.  Some friendships grow with time and attention--I think Facebook can be a useful tool in those instances as well.

Perhaps at some point the future, I will go back to using Facebook as I once did, but for now, this is the best approach for my own mental health and sanity.