Balance Land: A Magical Place

"I'm trying to find more balance in my life."  I hear this phrase bandied about a lot these last few years, and yet it seems like very few people ever arrive at that magical land, Balance Land.  The place where our work and our personal lives flow harmoniously, and real life doesn't intrude to, you know, unbalance us.  I admit to the allure of the phrase: balance sounds so peaceful, so lovely, so attainable, just over that hill there.  If only I...  At the same time, I find the word to be rather blurry around the edges, the concept ephemeral and difficult to encompass.

Via

I'm finding the word discipline to be quite useful to me lately.  Discipline is a hearty word, with strong edges, and a useful definition that I can return to again and again.  Discipline, in short, means setting limits.  Positive and negative limits, but limits.  It means saying yes and no.  It means saying not now.  Mostly it means sticking to those limits, which can be hard in a culture that doesn't value limits.  Work harder, go faster, accumulate more things, see the world, read more, and on and on.  

Via

I'm starting small, because I tend to be that person who pushes harder, works longer, dives in headfirst and only comes up for air after touching bottom.  I think discipline helps to avoid extremes, which is good for everyone in my family, including me.  My first acts of discipline have been in the food arena, as I set some limits on what sorts of things I would and would not eat during the Great Fast.  There are, of course, specific prescriptions for this sort of thing, but given my limits, and the advice of my confessor, I can't follow the letter of the law without endangering my health.  But neither does that mean that I should not strive for food discipline in my life, just because I can't follow the specific fasting rules of the Church.  I won't go into the specifics of my food discipline here, because it is between me and my confessor and God, and I don't want anyone else to take my rule as advice without the guidance of a spiritual father or confessor, but I will say that I'm finding my current limits to be attainable, yet push me a little beyond my comfort zone.  A good discipline, so to say.

The other area that I'm experimenting with discipline is in my sewing and crafting.  I struggle with this a lot, as I like to dive into projects, and keep working until they are finished or I can't stay awake (sometimes I keep going even beyond that--it isn't healthy).  I get frustrated with interruptions, my children get frustrated with my inattention, and then I feel like I'm not getting time to pursue my blue flame.  For me, discipline in this area has been to set aside specific days and times when I work, and put up with a certain amount of interruption during that time, and then put everything away at the end of that time, no matter where I am in the project.  The last few weeks, I've been sewing on Monday and Thursday mornings, from about 8:30 until Birdie is ready for her lunch.  I do my cutting on Mondays, and if I have time, I sew, but otherwise, I set it aside until Thursday.  The discipline to set aside an unfinished project has been good for me, but difficult.  

I used to think that the purpose of routines like this were to free time for other things later, but now I think that the real purpose of routines is to train the mind and the body toward order.  I still spend too much time in front of a screen (in part because Ponchik wants to nap in my lap all afternoon), but I'm trying to be more efficient about my screen time and use the time when I really am trapped in a chair with Ponchik for hours to do computer work, and put the computer in standby the rest of the day.  The most well-ordered place I've ever been was in a monastery, and so I'm trying to remember the ways of the monastery when I want to fight against my discipline, against my self, against my sinful nature.  It is in this way that monasteries are so helpful and useful to lay people--monasteries demonstrate good order in a life oriented to God. (Edited: I realized after posting that the earlier version of this line might be confusing to my Protestant readers.  I hope the edit helps clarify matters)

This is a slow process, and I still rebel on some level at setting limits for myself, but the gift of this Lent for me is to see discipline as part of the spiritual struggle for good order and routine.