Holy Tuesday Temptations

Boo has been just terrible the last week or more, and the effort to manage his outbursts, bad behavior, clingyness, early wakings, no-nappings, and everything else has worn me to a nub.  I do have my regular babysitter to help me out, but Boo is staunchly refusing to do anything she asks him to, and will only do what I ask if he can stay with me all.day.long.  By the time we both get him out the door to the park or wherever (because it has turned into a two-man operation even though I stay home), the screaming fit has been going on for more than 30 minutes, and I just feel wiped out by the effort.  I don't even feel good about the time I have when I get it.  I've got things to do today to get ready for late Holy Week and Pascha, but after this morning's ordeals, all I want to do is curl up with a book or watch a movie and try to recover.  I desperately need and want the space, and I can only take so much of a child who wants to be physically glued to me most of the day, especially with all our stairs.

I feel like crying every time he has an epic tantrum over being made to participate in an activity or family routine that isn't his idea (and these are so so frequent right now).  It also doesn't seem to matter how much time or attention I give him; it is never enough.  He's a great sucking sponge of neediness and he is draining me dry.  I get that he is anxious about the new baby coming, and that we have a lot of non-routine things happening this week with Holy Week and Pascha on Sunday, but his anxiety levels and need for control are just beyond the pale right now.

Add to that the other two kids' increased anxiety and spring upsetting their various sensory issues, and we have a fairly volatile kid-stew lately.  It isn't all bad and there are certainly moments of levity and even some feeling good moments for me, but mostly, I just want it all to be over.  I want them to be older, better, normal.  I want to have my body back, and feel better, and just find my groove again, instead of sleep walking through my days and nights.

It is Holy Week, and these things are here to tempt us, so I guess the best thing I can say in these trying times is: 

"Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner."