Talking Tuesday: Reclaiming Conversation

Image via google images.

I've quoted Sherry Turkle in this space before; once a techno-optimist, the MIT-based researcher has been turned into a pessimist.  Her first book, Alone Together, written at the cusp of the hand-held digital revolution, now seems eerily prescient.  Her latest book, Reclaiming Conversation: The Power of Talk in a Digital Age, details how far down the road we've traveled in terms of losing our communication skills, our ability to form communities, and sustain relationships.  Gracy Olmstead, a writer at The American Conservative whom I admire, wrote a stellar review of Turkle's book.

Writes Olmstead:

"Turkle contends that we need moments of solitude in order to develop emotionally, mentally, and relationally: solitude allows us to daydream, discover new ideas, and build a true sense of self based on self-knowledge rather than on the opinions of others.  When social media such as Facebook become our go-to in moments of quiet, "we risk building a false self, " while also damaging our creative capabilities" (p 47)

I know for myself, if I don't have some solitude, some staring at the wall and letting my mind wander time, I suffer for it.  I feel unable to function fully.  If our lives are constantly in front of a screen, instead of a book, a lovely landscape, or just a blank wall, we will forever inhabit an uncomfortable space.  It is hard to turn off the screen, to set reasonable limits.  I know there are many days when I feel I'm in front of a computer screen a large portion of the day.  Perhaps I'm doing the household errands, shopping for groceries, or other things that need to be done, but at the end of the day, I feel I'm accomplished nothing real, and feel worse for it.

Olmstead notes,

"Even though many young people Turkle talks to have a hard time envisioning life without modern communications technology, they're also quick to admit that something is wrong with their relationships.  They want to communicate better with their loved ones but feel they've lost both the means and the opportunity to do so....Solving this problem will require intentionality, a conscious choice to put away our devices when we are together and carve out precious time for conversation." (47-48)

Even with limited screen use in our home (we have no smartphones or iPads, do not allow communication technology at the meal table, we don't have a tv or video games), it still has a pernicious way of invading the conversations, and of constituting a barrier to communication within the family, both immediate and far-flung.

"While we should not neglect the goods that technology can provide, we should not embrace them without a thought to the possible consequences either.  With each stage of technological development, we're encouraged to separate ourselves more from the physical space we inhabit.  We're encouraged to live in a virtual reality in which we can distance ourselves from both the blessings and curses of real presence." (48)

I think this is very important to stress.  I'm not suggesting that we should all go off and live off the grid, and disdain all modern communication technology.  What I am saying is that perhaps we should negotiate with technology such that it is an enhancement to our lives, rather than a rusty chain that pulls our lives down, and poisons our relationships.  Perhaps we put phones and screens away for meal times, and do not answer the landline during dinner.  Perhaps we designate our bedrooms as communications technology-free zones, and use them only for sleeping and reading books.  Take fewer pictures and capture the moment in memory instead.

The internet is designed to keep our minds engaged away from the physical world, and our eyes on the screen.  It is a wonderful tool, but like any tool, it can be used for good or not.  I've learned a great deal about sewing and knitting from various internet tutorials, and have far greater access to reasonably-priced fibers, notions, and patterns via the internet than I would possibly have here in the city.  It has been a great research tool for my writing and for medical information that would otherwise be difficult to obtain.  On the other hand, I've been guilty of listening to one of my children talk to me with my eyes glued to the screen, only half engaged with what they are telling me.  Lately, I'm trying to set particular time limits with my screen time.  (i.e. I use a screen only during certain hours of the day, or for specific tasks for a set amount of time).  I've also found that the best antidote to too much screen time is a good amount of working-with-my-hands time and (the sometimes painful) engagement with the people in front of me.

Quotes taken from:
Gracy Olmstead, "Your Friends Are Not an App." The American Conservative, March/April 2016, pp 47-48.

Please do not quote or copy without permission.