Food, food, food

I've been writing this post in my head for several days, so I hope it comes out alright. I should start by saying that this post has nothing to do with cards and I don't have anything to share today, not because I haven't been creating but because I haven't had time to edit the photos yet. So if you are here for the card share, stay tuned for another day. Just don't make too much noise exiting the blog, so I still think someone is reading. :)

Carbs, carbs, carbs.

Anyone still there? The first thing is that I love to eat. The second thing is that I've struggled with my weight all my life. These things go hand-in-hand, I know, but when one goes on a diet for the first time at the tender age of 11 (because I had started puberty in earnest and no longer had the girlish leaness of my childhood but had developed the generous curves of adulthood), it sets up a certain expectation about one's relationship with food.

Beef stew, mmm.

I, for one, have a terrible relationship with food. I eat for comfort, I eat to live, I live to eat, I diet, I try to eat healthy, I eat junk,...it is all very evolutionary. I would give it up all together, but I do want to see my children grow old. Some of the bad comes from the perpetual feeling of deprivation that I have due to numerous and annoying food allergies, which have only grown worse as I've gotten older and borne children. The last two weeks have been especially challenging as I've had three major allergic episodes and I don't know what the new culprit is. So I'm kind of at a loss as to what to eat right now. I'm allergic to many "healthy" foods, including nuts and seeds, chicken, several vegetables and fruits, certain legumes, and other staples of a healthy diet. (My allergist told me on Monday that I'm amongst a small subset of her patients that she labels "scary"). So I'm not eating well; I'm eating safe. Which translates to a lot of refined carbs, which, like eating out while on vacation, get old after the novelty wears off. So much for the 15 pound weight loss. I'm bummed because I still have so far to go!

Okay, so this is an emergency room visit on a plate for me, but I thought the photo was cute.

What I have noticed about my relationship with food is that healthy habits on my part are generally easier to keep when I'm not tired. And I don't mean the I-stayed-up-too-late-last-night-therefore-am-tired-today kind of tired. I mean the kind of chronic sleep deprivation that accompanies small children and hormone changes. I was doing quite well until recently, in fact.

There are at least two things on this plate that would cause some problems for me.

The baby has been a good sleeper at night almost from birth, although his day time sleep has never been good. I didn't really mind the day time sleep issues because we were getting a good night's sleep. I joined Weight Watchers, started working out regularly at the gym, got back into a routine with my personal trainer, and was feeling like my goal weight was actually attainable, rather than a far-off dream from another planet.

I had begun to think that the extreme sleep problems we experienced with my older son's babyhood were not going to plague us this go-round. I was wrong. November marked not only the end of daylight savings time, the bane of sleep-deprived parents everywhere, but the beginning of earnest teething for the baby. While the baby is generally pleasant when awake and shows none of the behaviors we came to expect when my older son was cutting a tooth, he isn't sleeping. Not at night, not during the day. For the last month or so, the baby is sleeping for 20 minutes at random intervals during the day and waking every 90 minute most nights beginning around 11 p.m. Oh, and did I mention that he is up for the day between 4-5 a.m.? Which means we are up for the day then too. Suffice to say, we are both tired, and my efforts to go to the gym and eat healthy have pretty much flown out the window.

I can't even begin to list all the problem foods on this plate. Looks tasty, though, doesn't it?

I've not given up just yet, as I keep hoping (somewhat vainly) that today will be the day the fog lifts and I can get back to my life. I've been dragging myself to a Pilates class once a week, and am still halfheartedly tracking POINTS with Weight Watchers, but I confess I lack the motivation and drive and kept me going prior to November. Luckily, I still have my creative drive and keep poking away at various projects, and am glad to receive requests for more--stamping is keeping me sane! I keep hoping I'll find the motivation and drive to get back to my healthy lifestyle and continuing weight loss efforts, along with the energy that made me consider reorganizing and further simplifying our home. Needless to say, both projects have been put on hold for the moment.

But that is what New Year's Resolutions are for, right?